Marked by Rune *Gonna Remake*

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Which character is your favorite?

Ebony
1
20%
Aero
1
20%
Galoran
2
40%
Corona
0
No votes
Blaze
1
20%
Alasia
0
No votes
Runeza
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 5

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Lunaheart
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Marked by Rune *Gonna Remake*

Post by Lunaheart »

Hi, Lunaheart here! I was inspired to write this Keep story by Nevaeh since their work was the first Keep story I read. So please comment and enjoy. (Critque me nicely though, not rudely)

NOTE: This does have a little PG-13 swearing and action (fighting action) in it so be warned.

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By Kestrad. Thank you so much!!!

Table of Contents

Prologue
Chapter 1: The Encounter
Chapter 2: Galoran
Chapter 3: Aero
Chapter 4: The Races
Chapter 5: The Hatchling
Chapter 6: A Quick Chat
Chapter 7: The Meeting
Chapter 8: Another Survivor
Chapter 9: A Dark Memory Revealed
Chapter 10: A Little Playtime
Chapter 11: On the Run
Chapter 12: Playing with Magic
Chapter 13: A Lil' Reading
Chapter 14: Suprise Attack
Chapter 15: Fading Fast
Chapter 16: A Shared Memory
Chapter 17: Dyh
Chapter 18: Darh-Kai Keep *Coming Soon!*

Characters (Artwork Coming Soon!)
Spoiler
People (Including mages, sorcerers, and other humans)

Ebony: A 17 year old girl with long, dark brown hair and dark, emerald green eyes. She stands at about 5'6. She is usually calm and collective, but she does have a short temper.

Myna (My-na): a 34 year old women with heavily layered black angled hair that reaches her shoulders and fiery red-orange eyes that shift from orange to red depending on her mood. She has a sort temper that reaches lengths that only her husband knows. She is about 5'8 and is a fire magi with a bit of dark magic from her darker creatures. She doesn't use dark magic often but she will use it if need be.

Mark: a 36 year old man with short brown hair and usually has a five day old scruff. He is a kind man that flares up when an animal is injured by another magi or sorcerer or even just another human. He used to travel around to world until he dissapeared about ten years ago, after he brought Ebony to the Keep.

Aero (Air-o (just in case)): a quiet 18 year old boy that keeps to himself. He is much like Ebony in attitude. His slightly long black hair reaches past his ears and into his eyes except that the hair is swept to the side. He has light blue eyes and is 6 foot.

Creatures (animals and companions)

Galoran (Guh-lore-an): a Sasrael Resurrection Horse that loves attention. He is currently in his first life. He was trained and raised by Myna and Mark alongside Corona.

Corona (Core-own-a): a Valarn Resurrection Horse that likes to keep to herself most of the time. She is currently in her first life. She was trained and raised by Myna and Mark alongside Galoran.

Blaze: a Hellhound that is nearly three times the size of any other Hellhound. Her attitude changed dramatically once she reached adult. She is kind to her friends, but is very protective of Ebony. She gets angry very easily because she does have a short temper towards anyone other than Ebony and her creatures.

Runeza (Rune-ez-a): an Etainian Quetzalcoatl hatchling (at the moment. She grows into a Adult as the story progresses). She is quiet and likes to rest on Ebony's shoulders (she will be more defined as the story progresses)

Alasia (Al-asia): a Hellhound puppy that was tramatized a few moments after she hatched. Frozen and kept alive by black magic for ten whole years until the ice comepletly melted away from her body. She is now in Aero's care. Has grown up to be just like Blaze with a darker blue coat and blue and purple fire.

Sync: a soot gryphon with a burn scar in the shape of a star on her chest. The right side of her face is devoid of feathers and scarred horribly. All that is left of her eye is closed lids. She is very sweet and kind but will battle feriously against anyone or anything that attacks her. She does fear fire a little bit.

Scoar (Score): Aero's Etainian Quetzalcoatl. He will become more defined later.

Dicaro ((dim w/out the m) Dih-car-o): Aero's Albino Direwolf. He will become more defined later
Hope that helps!!

Prologue (This takes place in the past, not our main character's point of veiw)
Spoiler
I sat watching the dying sunset disappear over the horizon. The fire phoenixes fly over the keep and fields for the last time until night. Pegasus are landing by the stables, waiting for the Keep’s Centaur Allies and their Magis to take care of them. I smile at the thought of the creatures of the night getting ready to come out into the open. My own creature, Odhran, a Hellhound named after my father’s Keep, would be coming out soon. He likes the night as much as he likes the day.

Just as the night creatures come out and the day creatures go to bed, a great dark bone dragon lands in front of me, growling. I take a step back as the purple glowing body of the young female bone dragon takes another step toward me. She is as big as a large draft horse and can already harness some of her magic. One unique quality about her, one I have rarely ever seen, is that she can talk to mages in her mind. “Doytan, what news do you have?” I ask her.

She growls. A Magi is riding toward the Keep as we speak, Doytan, the Dragon says.

“What creature does he ride?”

Doytan shifted nervously. You will not believe me

I snort. “Try me.”

The Dark Bone Dragon leaned down so her face was in my, her hot breath tickling my body. He was riding a…a…Sasrael Resurrection Horse.

I laugh. “One of those? They don’t care to be ridden. I have seen only three Magi ride a Resurrection Horse and they are now long gone.”

It’s true.

“I’ll believe it when I see it!” I say.

Just then, a light at the edge of the Keep’s forest appears. Sure enough, a Magi rapped in a Fire Magi’s cloak rides in on a Resurrection Horse. The horse looked pissed, tossing his flaming mane about and swishing his fire tail as he stops. His beautiful blue boned body shows tints of orange in the now night sky. “Mark?” I whisper.

The Magi gets off his horse and walks toward me with a bundle in his arms. He removes his hood and looks me in the eye. Mark has a scar running across his hard face. He is tall with graying brown hair and an extremely close cut beard. He is strong and muscular and very athletic. Don’t let his age fool you. He can wrestle down the fiercest Kuras Tiger. “My wife, I have brought you a student,” Mark, my husband, says.

He shifts the bundle so her head shows. Inside the bundle is a little seven year old girl with an interesting mark around her neck. I know I have seen it before, but where? Her face is slightly bloody. “What happened to her?” I ask.

“Dark mages attacked her village, Myna. She is the only survivor. The fires that burnt down every building and person are from both molten bone and dark bone dragons,” Mark says.

“How can she be the only survivor?”

“She has been Marked.”

“Marked? What are you talking about?”

“She has been Marked with runes; runes of an Etainian Quetzalcoatl.”

That was where I saw the runes! The golden runes lined the entirety of her neck. They are about an inch and extremely noticeable against her tan skin. Her dark brown hair moved about her in the wind. She shifted slightly and winced. New blood seeped through the cloth that rapped the little girl. “I’ll take her, Mark. Please be careful,” I say. “And I highly doubt your Resurrection horse likes to be ridden.”

Mark looked back at his horse after giving me the girl. Then he looks back at me. “I’ll remember that. She has a name, this one.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“Ebony.”

“Ebony…”

“Just Ebony.”

I look at the little girl and then back at Mark who was on his horse once more. “I’ll see you once I get back from chasing these Dark Magi,” he says. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I watch as he rides off into the night.
Last edited by Lunaheart on December 14th, 2011, 6:34:07 pm, edited 46 times in total.

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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Prologue is Up*

Post by SeaCrest »

O_o

Very interesting! Keep writing :D
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Lunaheart
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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Prologue is Up*

Post by Lunaheart »

Thank you. I am making Chapter 1 right now and I hopefully will post it sometime today. I'm sick and my brain is a little foggy so it might take some time.

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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Prologue is Up*

Post by Kestrad »

Aww, I hope you feel better soon!

Your prologue is pretty intriguing, though it struck me as a bit odd that the main character didn't know that the rider was her husband. I guess the introduction of that relationship felt a bit abrupt. Other than that, it definitely promises that there will be interesting events occuring!
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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Prologue is Up*

Post by Lunaheart »

Thank you.

She did know it was her husband but the reason why she questioned his appearance will be cleared up soon.

I hope I can have the next chapter up before I hit the hay.

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Chapter 1: The Encounter

Post by Lunaheart »

Chapter 1: The Enocunter



“Wait…wait…WAIT! Damn it! I told you to wait!” Myna yells at me.

I look at her with resentment in my eyes. “I’m trying my best, Myna! So stop your yelling!” I say back at her.

Myna throws her hands up. “Now I, myself, have to go catch the manticore! Thanks for nothing, you useless girl. And you call yourself a Magi…pity you aren’t a better one!” she mutters loud enough for me to hear.

I glare at her back as she runs after a loose Manticore. She only wants the best for you, Ebony, the dark bone dragon says in my mind.

“You know what, Doytan? I’m getting sick of it!”

She is only trying to help you find your magic by trying to help you find the right creature. She was trying to set off your magic by getting you close to a creature.

“It’s been ten years! Ten years! Do you honestly still think I have magic in me?”

Doytan has no answer for me. I walk away. I should probably tell you something.

I have no magic.

I have no creatures.

And I certainly have no friends.

Nice life, eh?

I scowl in frustration. Doytan continues to follow me into the woods. The dark bone dragon is bigger than the tallest draft horse. Her bones are stronger than steel and she continues to grow every year. It is never ceases to amaze me how dragons continue to grow.

I hear something and stop. It’s some creature rummaging around in the undergrowth, no doubt. Doytan pricks her head up. Then she growls.

The noise is getting louder and more distinct.

Hooves.

I know that sound! He’s back! Doytan growls with excitement.

The sound of a horse galloping toward us has gotten louder. I see a flash of dark blue and red-a fire red. Then I see the creature of beauty and grace, and I can’t help but gasp.

A full grown Sasrael Resurrection Horse. He tosses his flaming mane and whinnies a greeting toward Doytan. He arches his blue, steel like bone neck and stamps his hoof. Doytan growls. I lean forward and see a note attached to the horse’s neck. I go to reach for it only to pull my hand back as not to get it bit. The horse rears a bit and stamps his hoof toward me.

“Shh! Shh…It’s okay. Doytan, what does he want?” I say as the horse continues his aggressive behavior.

He wants to deliver the note attached to his neck to Myna. And it bears bad news, Doytan answers me.

“Well, come on then,” I say to the horse knowing that he will understand me. I have that kind of flow with the creatures. They usually understand me.

The horse pawed the ground, waiting for me to move. I turn to head back to the Keep only to be blocked by Doytan. “What?” I ask.

Doytan growls. I need to see the note. I need to make sure it is his horse, and not some other Magi’s.

I stare at Doytan. “Fine! I can try,” I mumble. I look to the horse. His eyes lock on mine and I see something that I shouldn’t:

A man surrounded by Magis clothed in dark cloaks of Dark Magis. They take turns trying to get information out of him. The man’s face is bloody and a new found scar has been reopened. A Dark Bone Dragon takes a deep breath and releases dark magic from within, hurting the man. He should be dead now. I look around and find a fire Magi’s cloak tossed to the side. He only survived because his own magic was preventing complete death. He looks to me and shouts something in a language I can understand, but the others can’t. “Return to the Keep with the scroll! Go now!” his voice is husky, and pained.

I turn away at a gallop, my hooves finding the ground and then suddenly leaving it. I run fast and hard. I had to get to Myna and give her the note. I can hear the sound of leathery wings beating the air. I turn my head and see Noctis Enoxs flying toward me. Their black leathery wings beat at the air, their dragon-like tails guiding them in their hasty and fast flight. Their coats start to become coated in sweat as they try to keep up with my pace. I know I’m going to lose them soon. With a burst of speed beyond the Enoxs’ abilities, I gallop far away before I actually turn toward my destination: Odhran Keep.


I grab hold of the horse’s neck to both his surprise and mine. The horse does not resist, but steadily brings me back to my feet and allows me to keep my balance against him. We make our way to the Keep; Doytan flying, me hobbling with the support of the Resurrection Horse, and the horse itself looking at me with a stunned, but knowing look.

“Myna!” I call out in a strong voice.

She doesn’t answer. One of her Hellounds, Odhran, comes to me though. I sit on the grass and lean against the still stunned horse. “Odhran, go get your master. Go get Myna,” I say to the dog.

He yelps and runs off. In moments, he comes back with Myna behind him. Myna looks at me with great confusion and fear.

Then Doytan speaks in her mind. I know this because I can feel the vibrations in my mind. I translate after much concentration. Doytan can speak with her mind, but to everyone around her. She has not grown strong enough to talk to only one person, yet.


She saw what the horse has witness, Lady Myna.

She looks at me with great confusion. “Then you are what Mark said you were,” she whispers.




Comments? Critisism? Ideas?
Last edited by Lunaheart on May 27th, 2011, 4:01:54 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Chapter 1 is Up*

Post by Kestrad »

You need to work on keeping your tense consistent. Most of your story is in the present tense, but sometimes you go to past tense instead.
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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Chapter 1 is Up*

Post by Lunaheart »

Hmn...I'll work on that...I now have a clearer head, but not by much.

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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Chapter 1 is Up*

Post by Sparkygrl »

ME LUV THIS STORY 2!!!!! U MUST WRITE MORE OR ME WILL HAUNT U AFTR DEATH!!!! LOLZ JK JUST WRITE MORE!!! :woo: :woo: >D :t-woo: :t-dance:
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Re: Marked by Runes~A Keep Story~*Chapter 1 is Up*

Post by Lunaheart »

Hahah....workin on it!

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