I'm 37 and have been diagnosed with a condition since I was a teenager.
I have what they now call "rapid-cycling bipolar disorder", which means I can have changes in moods that are all in a single day. I can go from an ultimate high to a low many times and I usually have so many panic attacks it's ridiculous.
I am not on medication, although doctors have said I should be all my life. I have been (when I was a teen) and it actually BURNED OUT parts of my brain and I can't remember things from my past now. I can't work outside the home, I have problems with answering the phone or even typing online some days. The illness also affects me physically, and it doesn't help that I have low blood pressure disease. Combined, I have been known to faint up to 20 times a day in my youth - not that much anymore, thank god, but I still do.
*hugs ragdoll*
You said so many things I get!
I can't make "real life" friends, because I'm too open & honest. No one believes that when I say something, I'm not doing it to hurt them, or even saying anything that I consider "bad". This happens to cause trouble online, too, and has directly on this site when people took something I said completely the wrong way. They didn't understand even when I tried to explain,although it was crystal clear to me.
THIS.It never stops. My brain never rests.
Things like bad incidents like that cause me pain my whole life. As a bipolar person, I can't "let go" of "bad" incidents (though I know I should) and my brain causes me to relive them over and over and over again. I'm not hurt by the person, just the fact that humanity is so screwed up that I keep asking myself 'why? why is everyone so damned mean?'
These thoughts cause panic attacks, and the thoughts that never leave me also make me unable to think coherently if in a "stressful" situation, which is as simple as being outside in public. Going to Wal-Mart is sometimes an ultimate act of courage!