The Wandering Ice Dragon*Chapter 5 up*

[Uprising]

The Wandering Ice Dragon

Table Of Contents
Chapter 1: First page, first post
Chapter 2: First Page, 6th post
Chapter 3: Second page, 1st post
Chapter 4: Second page, 4th post
Chapter 5: Third page, 1st post
Chapter 6: Third page, 3rd post
Feedback, comments, crictism, and 'Good jobs' are appreciated!

[Uprising]

Chapter 1

Spoiler

Lost. Alone.

That's what you are if your an ice dragon hatchling in the middle of freezing Arkene, fighting for your life. And, I can't find my brother-

Woah there. I see you getting confused. Well, maybe I should back up a bit.

I'm a White Ice Dragon, born in Arkene. My name is Snow Angel, but most call me Snow or Angel. My brother is Icicle, and we lived happily in a snow cave with our parents.
I remember the days I would scuffle about with my brother, our parents watching us fondly as we flew through the snow, and snuck up on each other being piles of snow. I remember us roaring in laughter, my brother saying, "Snow, I can't catch you. You're like a kitsune!" And it was true. No one could catch me. Not my parents. Not my brother. Not the Magi.

The Magi came so fast. I remember my parents telling me of the good and bad Magi, of how the bad tried to make a profit off of selling rare creatures like Ice Dragons to the unsuspecting good Magi.
They threw a net over my family, a special one they couldn't break free of. I remember flying away as fast as I could, shouting, 'I'll be back' over my winged shoulder as they were taken away.

I hate Magi.

And here I am, lost out here in the cold. The cold I don't mind; the lost part I do. I long for my parents and brother again.

But I'll probably never find them.

And so there, thats my backstory that happened what? Five, six hours ago? If Ice Dragons could cry, I'd make a frozen pond all about me right now. I'm so wrapped up in my sorrow that I don't hear the clomping behind me. But I do hear the soft, silky, voice, that meant protection and happiness.

"What's wrong, little Ice Dragon? Don't be afraid. You are with the Frost Unicorns now."

Feedback, please? Critism? Thumbs up?

[freakazoid]

That's very nice! Well-written and easy to read. I love it. :3

Can't wait for more!

[Uprising]

Thanks, Yellow. I was worrying it might be too short when I posted it, but thought, 'Oh, well, what's done is done'

[PossessedFae]

I like it so far, though it reads sort of odd in some places. At first it reads like a 1st person story, then it switches to "narrator commentary" kind of thing, then back to story, and then back to "narrator commentary." I'm not really explaining myself properly. You need the voices/tones of your story to be the same, and you keep switching them around.

[Jezz]

Hm...Nice!
The names could use some improvement as well as the way you are telling it. That's all I have to say, Phoenix; I hope that helped!

[Uprising]

Chapter 2

Spoiler

I whip around, surprised by the beautiful voice and glance up. I am deeply surprised to see a large unicorn. It's coat was a frosty blue, the mane and tail a pure white, with a red flower in its mane. Frost grew all about it, and it had a long horn.

"What's your name?"

It takes me a moment to register the unicorn was speaking to me. I reply in a strong voice that astonishes me after all I'd been through. "Snow Angel." I replied, flying up to be eye-to-eye with the Frost Unicorn.

"I'm Wild Spirit." The unicorn replies. "Why are you out here all alone? Are you lost?"

So I go into detail about what had happened and how I had came to be here, and Wild Spirit nods her head slowly.

"You know, you shouldn't hate Magi. They are good, and most White Ice dragons like Magi. Its the Black ice dragons that don't" Is Wild's only response.

I clear my throat, and speak up to her. "Are there others? I mean, since you said Frost Unicorns?" I ask. Wild Spirit says, "Yes. We have an entire empire. In fact, I am the leader's mate. Would you like to visit our herd?" I nod, and I fly a good distance above her as she leads me to her herd.

Down below, its a great commotion when we are there. Unicorn foals (And there were many. I suppose its breeding season) romp around, kicking up snow. The parents watch the foals fondly. The other Unicorns are clumped all together, I suppose grazing. When Wild Spirit speaks up, they all look at her. The foals. The parents. The herd. Me.

"I want you to meet Snow Angel. She isn't a Frost Unicorn, but rather a White Ice Dragon. She's flying above." And everyone looks up at me, expecting something.

"Hi." I muster.

[Jezz]

Good.
The chapters could be a little more lengthy. You're improving!
I'm sorry, I sound so know-it-all-like, don't I?

[freakazoid]

(And there were many. I suppose its breeding season)

That made me lol.

Very good! Can't wait for more. :3

[Uprising]

Good.
The chapters could be a little more lengthy. You're improving!
I'm sorry, I sound so know-it-all-like, don't I?

No, no, its nice to hear ways I can improve. I'm skimpy on details, and I need to improve on that.

(And there were many. I suppose its breeding season)

That made me lol.

Very good! Can't wait for more. :3

Glad I could brighten your day!