The Origin of the Temple Cats

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Vampyredragon
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The Origin of the Temple Cats

Post by Vampyredragon »

Pull up a seat by the fire and I will tell you a tale for I am the Teller of Tales, and the Weaver of Dreams.
Long ago in ancient Egypt during the reign of the Pharaohs there was a temple. The Pharaoh and his people worshiped the goddess Bast there. At this time however Bast was just a small goddess, not very important in the lives of the Pharaoh or his people. That was true until Rahotep the cat came to live there.
This tale starts on a stormy night during the flood season of the Nile. A young man was on his way to the temple of Bast to begin his service there as a minor priest. As Ptah, for that was his name, road his donkey he became aware of a high thin mewling sound. Determined to find out what it was he dismounted his donkey and, leading the beast, went in search of the noise. After a few minutes searching he came upon a sad sight. A mother cat lying dead of snakebite with a small tan kitten feebly trying to rouse her. Being overcome with pity that over ruled his natural fear of cats, Ptah picked up the little kitten and wrapped him, for it was a him, in his cloak. After doing so the young man finished his the last leg of his journey.
Upon reaching the temple of Bast , Ptah and his small burden were ushered inside to dry out. Upon seeing that their new young priest carried a kitten the other priests grew afraid for in that day cats weren’t worshiped by the Egyptians. Being men of kind hearts they all agreed that they couldn’t toss the helpless creature back out into the rain lashed desert.
Months passed and still the men felt that they could not throw the young kitten out into the desert. They gave the charge of caring for it to Ptah for he was the one who had brought him there. One day the head priest gathered them all together and informed them that the Pharaoh’s eldest son wanted to visit the temple. Ptah was instructed to keep the young cat, for the kitten had indeed grown in the months since he had been found, away from the prince.
The fated day arrived and the prince and his courtiers and slaves arrived at the temple. Everything was going according to plan until the young cat escaped Ptah and hid in Bast’s shrine. The prince, believing himself to be safe, ventured into the room alone while posting his guards at the door within earshot in the occurrence that he needed them.
The guards sat down and began to play a peculiar game using polished river stones. Unbeknown to any of the temple priests however a cobra had found its way inside the temple and had made itself at home in the shrine room. The guards were in the middle of their game when they heard a shout from their master inside the shrine. River stones scattered across the floor as the guards rushed in to find their prince standing not three feet from a cobra that was rearing to strike. Before anyone could move, however, a tan blur shot from a dark corner and landed on the cobra.
After a few minutes of hissing and growling the mass of tan fur and black scales stopped moving and resolved itself into the cobra, mortally wounded, and a young tan cat looking pleased with itself. Realizing that the cat had saved his life the prince bestowed upon him the name Rahotep, meaning Ra is satisfied, and proclaimed Bast the goddess of cats. From that day forward the Egyptians revered and worshiped cats.
"What about Rahotep?" I hear you ask. Well he passed into legend as the first temple cat.

Okay so my entry is kinda lame >.> and i took a lot of license with the part about Bast and egyptian cat worship. I know the ending is a little....well flat....but i have done my best.
Please give constructive criticism and all...but please do NOT flame me.
Thank you that is all....hope you enjoyed it :)
Last edited by Vampyredragon on July 24th, 2009, 2:55:54 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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SolarCat
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Re: The Origin of the Temple Cats

Post by SolarCat »

Overall, I really do like your story!

I agree, the ending is a bit flat, but I believe it's only the last two sentences. I don't really have a suggestion on how to fix them, but I believe those are the only two that really need fixing.
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Vampyredragon
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Re: The Origin of the Temple Cats

Post by Vampyredragon »

changed the ending a little so it didn't sound so flat.... though it still doesn't ring true....just tell me what you guys think about it please <.<
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Re: The Origin of the Temple Cats

Post by SolarCat »

Vampyredragon wrote:changed the ending a little so it didn't sound so flat.... though it still doesn't ring true....just tell me what you guys think about it please <.<
Surprisingly, that simple statement sounds better than the two sentences you had in its place before.
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Re: The Origin of the Temple Cats

Post by Arimermaid »

Vampyredragon wrote:changed the ending a little so it didn't sound so flat.... though it still doesn't ring true....just tell me what you guys think about it please <.<
Agreed! :yarly: But overall it is a good story! :italian: ^_^ :D
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Re: The Origin of the Temple Cats

Post by Nyte Scythe »

I love it :D Good luck ^_^ :woo:
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Vampyredragon
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Re: The Origin of the Temple Cats

Post by Vampyredragon »

Okay i added a little bit in to make it seem as I was a storyteller >.> It also gave me the ability to tie in the title with the story <.<
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