Magical Toffee of Awesomeness (Staff Entry)
Posted: February 11th, 2016, 9:25:02 pm
Or, one of about four foods Griffin knows how to make.
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1/2 cup melted butter
- Chocolate chips
- Water
- Cooking oil of some sort
- Graham Crackers or similar rectangular cookie impostor
- Microwave-safe bowl
- Baking tray
- Non-stick foil
- Parental figure
First, find a parental figure because you've forgotten the recipe. Next, debate with the parental figure over whether butter typically comes in "cups" or "sticks." If a parental figure is unavailable, arguing with a pet or picture on the internet is an acceptable substitute. Mix equal parts melted butter and brown sugar, add a bit of water and cooking oil, and pour in a microwave-safe bowl (if it isn't in there already). Melt (in microwave, preferably) until amber-colored -- the liquid should be fairly runny and taste more buttery than sugary. Lay non-stick aluminum foil across a baking tray. Realize you only have enough to fit across 2/3 of the tray because you thought you had two boxes of foil, when really one of them was plastic wrap. Run to the store and purchase non-stick foil. Return home and cover the rest of the tray, because that is a sort of important part. Re-melt the butter-sugar liquid, because it's probably started to cool off by now. Lay the Graham Crackers or equivalent impostor cookies on the tinfoil, and realize disappointingly that your tray leaves a nearly Graham Cracker-sized gap on the edges that cannot be filled with Graham Crackers. Cheer up because the gap will be filled with toffee instead. Pour the melted butter-sugar over the Graham Crackers, and put the tray in an oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about five minutes (maybe less -- you're just trying to warm it up). If smoke starts pouring out of the oven, you're doing it wrong. When the toffee is warmed up, pour chocolate chips over the top, let them melt for a few seconds, and spread the chocolate with a spatula over the top of the toffee. Put in the freezer to harden. If smoke starts pouring out of your freezer, you've probably put the toffee back into the oven, and you're doing it wrong. When the toffee is hardened, break it up into smaller pieces, or if you live alone, just eat the whole thing as is, like a pizza. It's delicious.
The end result should look something like this:
*Note: Real entries should have a name tag in front of them. As you can see, I clearly didn't read the rules.
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1/2 cup melted butter
- Chocolate chips
- Water
- Cooking oil of some sort
- Graham Crackers or similar rectangular cookie impostor
- Microwave-safe bowl
- Baking tray
- Non-stick foil
- Parental figure
First, find a parental figure because you've forgotten the recipe. Next, debate with the parental figure over whether butter typically comes in "cups" or "sticks." If a parental figure is unavailable, arguing with a pet or picture on the internet is an acceptable substitute. Mix equal parts melted butter and brown sugar, add a bit of water and cooking oil, and pour in a microwave-safe bowl (if it isn't in there already). Melt (in microwave, preferably) until amber-colored -- the liquid should be fairly runny and taste more buttery than sugary. Lay non-stick aluminum foil across a baking tray. Realize you only have enough to fit across 2/3 of the tray because you thought you had two boxes of foil, when really one of them was plastic wrap. Run to the store and purchase non-stick foil. Return home and cover the rest of the tray, because that is a sort of important part. Re-melt the butter-sugar liquid, because it's probably started to cool off by now. Lay the Graham Crackers or equivalent impostor cookies on the tinfoil, and realize disappointingly that your tray leaves a nearly Graham Cracker-sized gap on the edges that cannot be filled with Graham Crackers. Cheer up because the gap will be filled with toffee instead. Pour the melted butter-sugar over the Graham Crackers, and put the tray in an oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about five minutes (maybe less -- you're just trying to warm it up). If smoke starts pouring out of the oven, you're doing it wrong. When the toffee is warmed up, pour chocolate chips over the top, let them melt for a few seconds, and spread the chocolate with a spatula over the top of the toffee. Put in the freezer to harden. If smoke starts pouring out of your freezer, you've probably put the toffee back into the oven, and you're doing it wrong. When the toffee is hardened, break it up into smaller pieces, or if you live alone, just eat the whole thing as is, like a pizza. It's delicious.
The end result should look something like this:
Spoiler
