Teens having sex?

[mulan]

Not only teens can have sex. 10 years old girl can get pregnant too, I think...

Only if she has had her period. Or ovulates. But sex, and getting pregnant are two totally different things. When you have sex, you have only a 20% chance of conceiving, even at peek fertility. (That doesn't mean don't wear a condom, STDs still exist, and you can still get pregnant) But, I think ten is a little too young, because the child in most cases has hardly developed, and I think it's just about pedophilia at that point.

*****nod, nod****** I see ^^

[NerdlingRising]

Are/were you sexually active(as a teenager):
Yes. I lost my virginity at the age of 16 with a guy I ended up being with for a little over a year. Sadly, I ended up being cheated on and he got that girl pregnant.

Do you think teens should/shouldn't engage in sexual activities:
Honestly, I think it depends on their age, their feelings on sex, and their maturity level. I say if you're under 16, don't do it. And if don't have sex with someone you've only been with a couple of months. Don't feel like you have to have sex with someone in order to keep them in a relationship with you, I've noticed that that's a reason a lot of younger people have sex these days.

Are you against premarital sex:
I could say yes but then I'd be lying. I think if both partners are waiting for marriage, then good! That's great for them! If someone wants to have sex before marriage, good for them as well. Each person has the right to choice whether or not they want to wait until marriage or if they want to go ahead and have sex with someone before marriage. I kind of feel that a lot of people who have had premarital sex tend to end up with people who are fine with premarital sex.

Did/do you use condoms/birth control (If you were/are active):
Yes. Condoms and birth control. The birth control wasn't only for the sexual activeness though. It was also for health reasons of my own.

Is there a 'right' age for sex:
I think the 'right' age is different for every person. I suppose it is better to not have sex in your early teen years. I do know that when you're in middle school, you should not be having sex. The middle school I went to, in 7th grade, a girl got pregnant... I find that ridiculous. I found it ridiculous then! My father had a kid he taught in elementary school come over from the middle school to tell my father that him and his girlfriend were pregnant with their 3rd child! These are middle schoolers!

How old were you when you started:
16.

Do you think sex ed should be taught:
DEFINITELY!! Parents and teens are so afraid to talk to each other and teens are afraid to talk to their doctors and honestly, it'd be so much better for teens or whoever to be able to actually talk to a person instead of finding some crazy information on the internet that could be both scary and wrong.

Do you think regular STD checks are important:
I definitely do thing that regular STD checks are important if you're sexually active. Especially if you have more than one sex partner. Since I had some medical issues a couple of years back crop up from my genetics, I've been tested multiple times and I'm clean but I'd still get checked regularly because if I ever did end up with an STD, it could cause a lot of problems for the issues I have in my ovaries.

Do/did you trust your partner:
The first guy I had sex with I did trust at the time but as time went on I didn't trust him anymore. I only had sex with him 2 times though. My current partner, I trust him 100,000%.

Any other feelings/opinions not previously expressed:
I'm now 22 years old and since I was 16, I've had 6 partners. A majority of those partners (all but 2) I have been in very long relationships with. My last ex I was with for almost 3 years, before that I was with the guy for 2 years. And I'm currently going on 2 months with my current boyfriend. We're totally and completely open about our sexuality and about what we like and don't like in the bedroom as well as our past sexual encounters. I find that once sex is on the table, it's actually a really healthy thing in a relationship as long as it isn't used as some sort of bartering tool to get what you want.

[thunderwave]

Are/were you sexually active(as a teenager): sadly, yes I was, about a week ago I stopped and took a second to rethink my life so I'm kind of done with all of it and am pretty ashamed of some of the things I've done.

Do you think teens should/shouldn't engage in sexual activities: I don't think they should, I mean, teenage pregnancies are a HUGE problem. especially now-a-days. plus, and I understand how impatient teenagers are but still, at least wait to have intercourse until you can at least support yourself!(a job, somewhere to live, stuff like that where you can be prepared if something does happen.)

Are you against premarital sex: I am, as stated above.

Did/do you use condoms/birth control (If you were/are active): absolutely. in fact, I was quite paranoid about that stuff and freaked out when I missed my period. (found out that I was just so freaked out that I forgot that it started the week after.)

Is there a 'right' age for sex: meh? I guess, people can try to put an age limit on intercourse but that just makes teens want it more, just so they can break the rules. Plus, I think it's more of a "you have to be more mentally prepared" than "Oh you have to be this age to have sex! and only at this age can you do it!"

How old were you when you started: 17

Do you think sex ed should be taught: hm, my sex ed teacher was pretty general, I thought it was fine how he taught it.

Do you think regular STD checks are important: absolutely! you never know what kind of disease your partner might have if you're sexually active!

Do/did you trust your partner: I did, he was a sweet boy and an amazing person all in all.

Any other feelings/opinions not previously expressed: not really, I'm pretty sure everything got covered at some point.

[Tekla]

Thunderwave:

Teenage pregnancies wouldn't be such a huge problem if our teens were actually educated about sex, how to prevent it, and what could come of it (pregnancy and how to care for a child, not just "YOU'LL GET AIDS IF YOU HAVE SEX" which is very common in American "sex ed"). Scare tactics and abstinence only have not and will not work on the majority of teenagers.

It also really doesn't help that so many families still consider sex to be an uncomfortable, taboo subject. People aren't afraid to talk about their kidneys failing, which is abnormal, but they're afraid to talk about sex, a perfectly normal and natural thing? That doesn't make any sense. People are afraid to actually teach their children anything and it's contributing to a problem of teenage experimentation that results in undesirable consequences. Then they're afraid to talk to their doctors, which they shouldn't be.

Your answers to the "right age" question and the "should/shouldn't teens engage in sexual activities" question seem to contradict each other. In the former you answer that it's more about being mentally prepared (as an aside I'll point out that it's really impossible to police sexual relations anyway) but in the latter you state they should wait until they can support themselves.
Most teenagers in the US can't actually begin working until they're 15-16 (probably due to Child Labour laws) and most people can't fully support themselves until they're at least 18 and sometimes (much) later. How does this work with teens who are 13 and 14 who think they're ready? I was actually quite mature at 14 years old myself (although I was never interested in sex).
I think this is less about the actual sex act itself but more about the consequences, because the younger people are the less likely they are to properly be able to deal with those consequences.

~~~
Nerdlingrising:

Don't feel like you have to have sex with someone in order to keep them in a relationship with you, I've noticed that that's a reason a lot of younger people have sex these days.

"I'll only love you/stay with you if you have sex with me" is manipulation and abuse, which is a whole new kettle of fish. Relationships like that are relationships to which no one should be subjected...but teenagers are taught neither proper sex ed nor the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. A lot of teens learn how relationships work from observing their parents through the years as well, so if the parents are in an unhealthy relationship the children are also more likely to perpetrate or be the victims of unhealthy relationships.

Is there a 'right' age for sex:
I think the 'right' age is different for every person. I suppose it is better to not have sex in your early teen years. I do know that when you're in middle school, you should not be having sex. The middle school I went to, in 7th grade, a girl got pregnant... I find that ridiculous. I found it ridiculous then! My father had a kid he taught in elementary school come over from the middle school to tell my father that him and his girlfriend were pregnant with their 3rd child! These are middle schoolers!

Well, I said this above to thunderwave, but it applies here as well: this is, at least in part if not in whole, a failing of both parents and the school system to properly teach sex ed. Too much of the "sex ed" or "health" classes children are exposed to are little more than STD scare and abstinence only tactics, which flat out do not work on the vast majority. This kind of thing is what happens when we keep sex in the closet of taboo things: people experiment without being properly informed.

I'll not agree it's bad to have sex in the early teen years, but it is bad to get pregnant during those years. Pregnancy has long-lasting ramifications even on the fully mature adult body. Not to mention when you still aren't fully grown yet, your bones and whatnot are also not fully developed, so pregnancy and birth can be even more damaging to the bodies of younger people.

I do agree that children raising children is not a good thing, though. Also that makes for some awkward questions when the child gets older. v:

~~~
Shadowfangryu/mulan:

Ten is actually not too young to get pregnant, disappointingly. There have been cases of girls aged six and younger getting pregnant. The base problem is precocious puberty, which is happening at ridiculously young ages. However most pregnancies under the age of 11 are the results of rape, which is a different and serious problem altogether.

[MissMurderPaws]

I just think sex should be customized for the individual. I mean, I was hardly in my own a week before we got into sexual acts, other than intense kissing, and less than a month before we regularly started having sex. Some people have said I was too quick, made poor judgment, or even that I was a slut, but going on two years now this May, and we're still going strong. . . O guess I made a good judgement call. But for others, it depends. I am a very sexual being, others aren't, some more so, but I also believe you should respect your partners boundries

[NerdlingRising]

"I'll only love you/stay with you if you have sex with me" is manipulation and abuse, which is a whole new kettle of fish. Relationships like that are relationships to which no one should be subjected...but teenagers are taught neither proper sex ed nor the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. A lot of teens learn how relationships work from observing their parents through the years as well, so if the parents are in an unhealthy relationship the children are also more likely to perpetrate or be the victims of unhealthy relationships.

This I both agree with and disagree with. There are some people I know personally who come from a wonderful home. Parents happily married and never really had any sort of "huge" fight or anything happen to bring them to almost breaking apart as a family and the people have ended up in horrid relationships where they were simply being used. One of my close friends in high school was being used and it was more than obvious that she was being cheated on but she wouldn't listen to reason and refused to stop doing whatever this guy wanted, simply because she liked him and didn't want to lose him. She lost her virginity to him and I think that plays a big part in those sort of relationships as well. While it may be a whole different subject/kettle, being someone who personally put up with total bull from a guy for the last few months of a relationship because I loved him and had lost my virginity to him, it isn't all about your upbringing and it isn't all about what you see/learn from your surroundings. And I will say I have seen some shows/movies where there are relationships like that and some of them never even touched on how to resolve that issue. I could get into a whole big thing about that buy I'm not going to. I will also agree though that yes, you see bad habits in relationships, a lot of times you're doomed to follow in those footsteps. And after a while of being treated a certain way, you sort of become used to it in a relationship. Be it sex or something else and when you get into a new relationship and things are like they were, you feel totally and completely lost and you're so afraid you're going to do something to ruin it. Like currently, my relationship with my boyfriend is a long story but we are sexually active and honestly, we have the same sex drive almost. Though, I'm so used to the guy I was with for almost 3 years only wanting me around when he wanted sex (at least that's how it seemed to me) and not really treating me like his girlfriend, I'm still not sure how to handle some situations and I'm sometimes afraid that I'm too sexual with him and so I try to keep myself "tame".

Well, I said this above to thunderwave, but it applies here as well: this is, at least in part if not in whole, a failing of both parents and the school system to properly teach sex ed. Too much of the "sex ed" or "health" classes children are exposed to are little more than STD scare and abstinence only tactics, which flat out do not work on the vast majority. This kind of thing is what happens when we keep sex in the closet of taboo things: people experiment without being properly informed.

I'll not agree it's bad to have sex in the early teen years, but it is bad to get pregnant during those years. Pregnancy has long-lasting ramifications even on the fully mature adult body. Not to mention when you still aren't fully grown yet, your bones and whatnot are also not fully developed, so pregnancy and birth can be even more damaging to the bodies of younger people.

I do agree that children raising children is not a good thing, though. Also that makes for some awkward questions when the child gets older. v:

It is a failing of both parents and schools, but actually, the elementary school that my dad worked at, because they knew that kids were starting to get pregnant and sexually active earlier and earlier and in the middle school, they had a "5th Grade Talk" where they discuss safe sex, STDs, masturbation, and anything a student could even think to ask about. They didn't use scare tactics or tell the kids "don't have sex or blah blah blah", they were real and honest about it because they knew that they couldn't stop them from having sex by telling them not to. They would rather give out real information and make sure the kids are aware of what they may be getting themselves into if they do decide to have sex. Be it in middle school, their senior year of high school, or they're in college, or they're married. They just want every kid to have the chance to get the information they may not be able to get at home for whatever the reason may be. My high school didn't have sex ed. We simply had a health class that did cover pregnancy and STD's but never did it cover such things as safe sex, how to stay safe if you're active, or anything of that sort. I may recall them discussing condoms at one point but it has been quite some time since then. Haha.

Also, I wasn't necessarily saying it's bad to have sex in your early years, I just think there's a certain age that you shouldn't have sex before. I simply believe that you have enough going on in your life to worry about throwing sex and the emotions that come with it into the works. Some people believe that sex is no big deal, but it really is. Sex is a huge deal. Especially when it comes down to your first time and who that first time is with. And I've seen more than enough times the girl lose the virginity, the guy lose interest and cheat, and the girl keep trying to stay with the guy because they're "in love". I never once thought I was "in love" with the first guy I had sex with. And like I stated in my previous post, I only had sex with him twice. Which is possibly what led him to cheat but if I didn't want to have sex, I wasn't going to have sex. And I'm glad I didn't have sex with him any more than I did. I could probably go on but I have to get up in a few hours. I'm not really either disagreeing with what you've stated nor am I really agreeing. Just observations I've made on my end and where I'm from.

I will agree about the conversation though.... I don't think any of the people that had children in middle school are still with the baby daddy... That has been... Oh I don't even want to think about how far back that is right now. Hahahaha. May not seem like a lot of years to some people but some of those songs they play on the radio as a throwback, jeez. Haha. Anyway, hope you all have a good night!!

I just think sex should be customized for the individual. I mean, I was hardly in my own a week before we got into sexual acts, other than intense kissing, and less than a month before we regularly started having sex. Some people have said I was too quick, made poor judgment, or even that I was a slut, but going on two years now this May, and we're still going strong. . . O guess I made a good judgement call. But for others, it depends. I am a very sexual being, others aren't, some more so, but I also believe you should respect your partners boundries

Before I go to bed I must respond to this! I do agree with what you said about it being customized for the individual. Basically what I said about the 'right age' thing. Haha. Also, I'm a very sexual person and very open about my sexuality and my sexual encounters. Which happens to be a good thing in my current relationship. But you definitely should always respect your partners boundaries. Be it waiting, not doing certain things, or hey, if y'all both want to have sex all the time all over the place, have fun. The healthiest way to keep a sexually active relationship is to respect each others choices and each others bodies and emotions.

[MissMurderPaws]

I'm glad you agree! It seems so many people are /surprised/ that girls are sexual beings as well.They're shocked that I can openly talk about sex, my sexual habits, and the like. In my opinion, it's better to be wide open about sex, as it makes you far more comfortable, and feel like you're able to explore your sexual freedom. It's liberating, almost.
I've already had some of my friends open up to me, and confide in me their secrets and fears, or ask questions they want to know about, and I like it. I feel like humans would do so much better if we didn't shroud sex in mystery, or just say "It's bad, don't do it".

[Agentofthe1Truth]

Are/were you sexually active(as a teenager): I was first active at the age of 18, if that counts.

Do you think teens should/shouldn't engage in sexual activities: Personally, I think the teen years should be a time of experimentation into what a person does and does not like regarding sex. Their bodies are for the most part nearing the end of their 'childhood' stage, and they should most certainly establish what sorts of activities & partners they prefer while this is going on.

Are you against premarital sex: I am not.

Did/do you use condoms/birth control (If you were/are active): He did use a condom, yes.

Is there a 'right' age for sex: Hoo boy... I will say 'Yes' there is - BUT, that age can vary greatly from person to person. A fourteen year old could in example be ready mentally/emotionally to become active, while their nineteen year old sibling is still uncomfortable with the idea of trying it.

How old were you when you started: As I said, 18.

Do you think sex ed should be taught: Yes, as long at actual teaching gets done. No scare-tactics or 'only abstinence' crap. Teach them what sex is really like/about, and not just hetero either!

Do you think regular STD checks are important: Absolutely.

Do/did you trust your partner: No partner to trust right now. In the past I did however.

Any other feelings/opinions not previously expressed: I'm gonna get this opinion out in the open right now - the USA is WAY too uptight regarding age of consent. I much rather like Europe's laws, particularly Germany's. Unfortunately due to the past few generations' general lack of interest in teaching their kids about this stuff and not letting the teach do it either, that sort of policy would not work here any time soon.

[Onowl]

Are/were you sexually active(as a teenager): I'm going to keep this one private. :lol:

Do you think teens should/shouldn't engage in sexual activities: I think practicing safe sexual activities (solo especially) is healthy and natural.

Are you against premarital sex: Nope!

Did/do you use condoms/birth control (If you were/are active): Birth control, yes.

Is there a 'right' age for sex: I think this really varies. o_O Before having sex you should know how your body functions and what is where (and you should probably know a thing or five about the opposite sex parts, too). Being of legal consent age is also important.

How old were you when you started: I think I'm going to keep this private, again :lol: Sorry!

Do you think sex ed should be taught: Absolutely. It should be required in all schools. When should it be taught? Well that's heavily subject to when kids these days are beginning to go at it. In my experience most begin experimenting with their own bodies ages 10 - 15. They're not sure 100% yet what's going on, but something is up, and they have a right to know about it. Being taught anytime after age 17 is unacceptable.

Do you think regular STD checks are important: Yes.

Do/did you trust your partner: I trust him entirely. :)

Any other feelings/opinions not previously expressed: Nope!

[MothballMilkshake]

As somebody training to be a youth worker, a feminist, and a person with a strong opinion on sex education, I have so many opinions on this.
There is no simple answer to 'should teens have sex' - in phrasing it like that, it's alienating to teens, makes them feel you don't trust them, etc. There is no right or wrong answer to it. The only right thing to do in a society that is constantly pushing sex on us from a younger and younger age is to create a more open discussion about sex, sexual pleasure, communication, relationships, safe sex, etc! Please do PM me if you want to discuss this more, I can talk for hours!