I had just settled down with my pipe going perfectly, a generous snifter of Em's applejack, my most recent field notes, and Watts On curled comfortably at my feet. The fire was roaring against the autumn night chill, and for once all was right with the world...and blessedly peaceful. Suddenly there came a whack - you couldn't properly call it a knock - at the door. No question whatsoever who it was...I prodded the Raiju with my foot.
"Some watchdog YOU are."
He opened one eye and yawned. A second whack resounded, this one emphatic enough to shake dust from the rafters. I sighed.
"Coming..."
Rising from my repose, I ambled to the door and let Auntie Em and Aslan in. The Kuras tiger padded over to Watts On and - carefully - sniffed noses, then investigated the Raiju's food bowl. Finding it licked spotless, Aslan grunted and flopped down next to the fire. Em poked me in the stomach (pretty much the highest she could reach).
"Took you long enough - something strange is happening in the Stream."
"It's not all that normal under the best of conditions..."
I replied...and ducked a swipe from her staff. Em threw back her hood and glared.
"I'm serious! Something is very much wrong, and getting worse. Get your cloak and follow me."
Reluctantly complying, I trailed Em to the bank of the Stream.
"Aslan was out hunting over by the Caves the other night, came bombing back unfed, and pestered me until I followed him to the bank of the Stream where it passes through Nareau. It took a while, but I finally found what upset him. At first I thought it was just a freak anomaly, but they're turning up all the way down to the Keep branch now."
"And 'they' are?"
"Watch."
Obediently I stared at the night-dark Stream, failing to see anything amiss. I began to wonder if senility was finally getting to Em after all these centuries. Just as I was about to gently suggest a return to warmth and comfort to discuss the matter, she jabbed me with her staff and pointed a bony finger at an especially dim stretch of water.
"There! Look!"
~
At first nothing seemed out of place in the quiet night - half-visible eggs were bobbing calmly along in the Stream as they are wont to do - then I saw what she was driving at...sort of.
It wasn't so much a visible object as a vaguely egg-shaped spot in the water that was somehow not quite there. It wasn't water - nor any kind of egg or aquatic creature I had ever encountered before. (It was rather hard to tell if it was anything at all.) Em poked me in the ribs and gestured at a Koi egg just downStream of the not-quite-something. Whatever it was, it could move independently of the current, as it was slowly and inexorably overtaking the egg ahead of it.
It caught up to the Koi egg and brushed against it. There was an eye-twisting shimmer - and the Koi egg vanished, leaving TWO not-really-things drifting purposefully through the Stream. I let out a long, low whistle.
"WHAT in the world...?"
"And THAT, my dear Ironstaff, is the question of the hour. There aren't many around yet - but at this rate they'll take over the Stream and exterminate everything else in very short order."
"We should catch some to examine them."
"Now, why didn't I think to try that...more than a dozen times?" She thrust a dip net into my hands. "Here - go ahead, unless you'd care to go after one barehanded."
Recalling the fate of the Koi egg, I shuddered.
"Not bloody likely..." Grasping the net, I swiped repeatedly at both of the less-than-somethings, only to have the net seemingly pass right through them. While I was engaged in this fruitless endeavor, I noticed at least half a dozen more stealthily stalking their unsuspecting prey. Stepping back from the bank, I tapped a finger on my chin, then re-lit my pipe to buy time to think. "All right, there has to be SOME way to capture one of these...whatevers. Have you tried during the day?"
"Not there during the day. Don't know if they hide, or flat-out don't EXIST in sunlight, but they aren't around by day. Probably why no one else has noticed them - who catches eggs in the dark?"
"Well, there has to be SOME way to secure one of those negative twists of nastiness. Let's repair to my Keep for the moment and think on it."
~ ~
A bit of brainstorming produced a possible answer, and we raided the Commons for some long-handled iron pots. Once we - well, I - dragged these items down to the Stream, we were able to safely obtain some specimens of the alarming new...whoozits. We ferried our catch back to my lodgings (prudently leaving them outside), and with the aid of an acquaintance of mine on the groundsKeeping staff obtained the use of a gardening shed to house and evaluate them. It was close to sunrise when the - things - were ensconced in the makeshift laboratory. Some I left in their kitchen-pot "nets", and the rest I placed in an improvised tank - an enormous old clawfoot bathtub that had been gathering dust in a back room of the Attic. Once all was as much in order as it was likely to get, I repaired to my Keep to obtain some notetaking and other experimental materials.
Upon my return to the shed, I was alarmed to find the "tank" empty, save for a handful of what appeared to be gravel. Strangely, those in the pots and pans still seemed normal - though I apply the term advisedly. Had those housed en masse - God forbid - hatched? Or had they eaten one another? And if so, what had become of the victor? Suddenly I realized that the tub - unlike the pots, which were on shelves - was exposed to sun from a skylight. To test my budding conclusion, I held one of the potted - sort-of-theres - under the light, and sure enough, with an eye-bending shimmer not quite identical to that which occurred when they ate (or converted) "normal" eggs, it shrank into a pellet and dropped to the bottom, where it gave every sign of being simply another water-worn rock. I returned the pot to its place on the shelf, and once back in darkness it resumed its original unsettling appearance. Time to contact Em, who had gone back to the Attic to attend to any customers that might turn up.
"Guess what becomes of our Boojums during the day?"
"Our WHAT?"
"Boojums...well, we've got to call them SOMETHING - and considering what a Boojum was in the poem, it seemed to fit - anyway, if sunlight touches them, they encyst, or some similar process, and pass for pebbles. Once they're back in the dark, they become their old spooky selves again."
"Humph. So they..."
"Sleep like a rock, yes."
I could feel Em cringe through the phone.
"Will you be serious for once! Have you learned anything else of importance?"
"No, not yet - there are some other things I plan to try later. I'm thinking, though, that it's time we called in an Eggs-pert."
"AAAARRGH! Stop with the puns, for the sake of all that's holy. You're probably correct, though, this does seem to fall under his special purview. Bring him round for tea once you two have anything to report."
~ ~ ~
Accordingly, I sought out the Egg Man himself, our trusty Master Belmos. I found him just about to tear out of his offices.
"No time for any of your nonsense now, Ironstaff, there's an emergency down at the Koi Pond."
"Really! What's amiss with the little darlings?"
"It seems the Vampire Koi have suddenly gone barking mad and are determined to invade the Stream. They've bulled their way up the channel from the Pond into Lakira, crossed the lake, and have been doing their damnedest to jump the Weir and reach the Stream. They can't, of course, as the Weir, aside from being too high for them to leap, is spelled to return things - eggs, specifically - to their point of origin, but that hasn't stopped them from trying. As the bloody things are exclusively nocturnal, it was morning before anyone noticed anything happening, so apparently the entire adult population is bunched up just below the Weir, with the Vampire hatchlings, now that it's daylight and THEIR activity period, piling up behind them. The Pondkeeper is absolutely beside himself."
A wild surmise burst upon my awareness.
"Weren't the Vamps originally imported from Nareau?"
"Yes, their discoverers found them starving in an underground pool in the Caves - the silly things had somehow overpopulated and exhausted their food supply, so they brought all the adults and hatchlings out. According to the report - I'm sure you got a copy - the fish were so badly off that the fry were trying to eat stones, and the adults were supposed to be consuming their own eggs...they never actually saw them at it, but eggs kept going missing, so it was a logical conclusion. Since the adults are torpid by day, and the hatchlings are dormant at night, it was relatively simple to capture and relocate them all to the Koi Pond for their own protection. It was assumed that the period before the eggs left in the pool hatched would allow their food supply to re-establish, and they would be able to repopulate naturally."
"Mmm...superficially sound reasoning - but not entirely accurate, as it turns out. There's something I think you should see - the Vamps won't get into any more trouble than they already have if you take a moment, and it might be important. I have a strong hunch our respective problems are related...and each is the solution to the other."
~ ~ ~ ~
Over his protests, I dragged the reluctant Belmos to my makeshift lab in the gardening shed. While the strange new creatures fascinated him, it wasn't until I demonstrated their day/night transition - and informed him that they had recently emerged from the Nareau cave system - that I had his full attention. Their unique method of "feeding" clinched the matter.
"Came from the Caves, did they?"
"Indeed."
"And they just made it down the Stream to the vicinity of the Weir."
"Presumably."
"I believe I see where you're going with this - if the sporulated diurnal forms are the "rocks" the cavepool hatchlings were eating, and the all-but-invisible nocturnal form was the food source of the adult Vampire Koi..."
"Two vampire species feeding on one another - rather tidy, don't you think? And when they took all the fish away, and left just the eggs..."
"Then these..."
"Boojums."
"Boojums? Hm. Well, I suppose that will do as well as anything, at least it draws on the classics as opposed to being another of your execrable puns - at any rate, these Boojums must have finished off all the Koi eggs in the cave, and then began invading the Stream in search of a new food supply."
"So it would appear - and the Vamps, sensing the proximity of their preferred food, are now knocking themselves out to get at it."
"Strictly conjecture, of course."
"Easily enough tested...I have some Vamps in my collection - let's try feeding them."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
My Vampire Koi, young and grown alike, accepted the Boojums as a diet with great enthusiasm. The hypothesis proven, all we had to do to solve BOTH dilemmas was to reunite predator and prey in happy balance in their natural environment. What remained now was the problem of how. Transporting even a fraction of the now-sizable population of Vampire Koi all the way back to the Cave pool would be a monstrous undertaking - and still left the issue of the invasive Boojums already in the Stream. Belmos had a brilliant inspiration, and contacted the Pondkeeper.
"I say, old man, I believe I have the answer to your problem...Yes, you're quite welcome. All you need to do is wait until sundown, and then let them - well, more likely help them - cross the Weir...No, I'm not out of my mind, you bounder! There's a great deal about this you don't know, and I DO. Release about half of the adults tonight, and a proportionate amount of youngsters the following day. The rest will happily return to the Pond on their own in short order, once what's attracting them to the Stream is gone. You'll have all the particulars later, when Ironstaff and I publish the relevant paper. Just do as I say for now." Belmos turned to me with a smile. "That's set, then. The Vampire Koi will eat their way up the Stream, cleaning out the Boojum infestation as they go - and once they're back at their point of origin the natural balance will be restored. An elegant solution!"
"Quite! And I thank you kindly for your assistance."
"So nice when one problem solves another...and we get to publish out of it besides. You'll be keeping the specimens you've captured, I take it?"
"But of course. The Vamps have been written up - though I'd recommend an in-depth update based on these new revelations - but the Boojums are previously unknown and will want a lovely bit of study. Just the project for a long winter. You're welcome to join me, if you like, or even have a few of your own to mess about with. By the way, Em wanted us both to tea to catch her up on what we determined - have you time?"
"For the nonce, I believe I'll leave those little monsters in your custody - if they ever got loose among my eggs, it could be disastrous...hm. Has she applejack?"
"A prime batch."
Accordingly, we made our way to the Attic, where I was able to persuade Em - with a certain amount of to-be-anticipated difficulty - to shift the festivities to my abode. While not nearly as large (I still suspect she uses tesseracts to expand her allotment to whatever size suits her at a given moment), mine is both more comfortable, and functionally more spacious - not being crammed to the rafters with merchandise, stray animals, and the paraphernalia and arcana she has accumulated over the years. Plus, within the confines of my Keep, we would not be obliged to dilute perfectly good booze with tea... Once all were settled in nicely with the potable of their choice, Belmos and I described to Em how the conundrums of the little visitors to the Stream and the Vampire Koi answered one another. (I am sorry to report that Em nearly choked on her tea cackling at the unfortunate miscalculation on the part of the Vamp's original discoverers.) The discussion turned to the subject of the 'Boojums'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"It's all very well that things are straightened out for the nonce - quick thinking on that one, Belmos - but we still don't really know what they ARE. In my experience..."
"An exceeding long period of time..."
(My sotto voce aside to Belmos was overheard and earned us both a dirty look from Em)
"...nothing with that peculiar reproductive - or feeding, or both - behavior has ever been encountered before."
Belmos cleared his throat while attempting to regain a straight face.
"No, I don't recall ever hearing about anything remotely like them either. The habitat in the Caves of Nareau that supports them and the Vampire Koi will need to be carefully monitored in the future, to insure that a proper balance is maintained - should they ever infest the Stream in earnest we would have a right disaster on our hands."
I stretched and sipped my brandy.
"Hopefully my research will be able to provide some insight into their life cycle and behavior, and equip us to deal with any future outbreaks. Among other things - including determining the rate at which they transmute other eggs - I want to see if they 'hatch' into any other form."
Belmos looked up in mild alarm.
"Er...with suitable precautions, of course?"
"Insofar as possible - as I don't know what I might get, it's a little hard to prepare for it. I'll do everything I can to contain them, of course."
Reaching over to pat Belmos' hand reassuringly, Em fixed me with a sharp eye.
"And he WILL be bringing in Cloud Dancer and TwoTrees for their special expertise - along with an authority on the Caves - won't you, dearie."
It was not a question...and I promptly agreed. (I had planned to do so, in any case.)
"As long as the 'authority' is not one of those who decided to export the entire population of Vampire Koi in the first place to save them from starvation..."
Em laughed out loud, and even Belmos had to suppress a chuckle at the poor Magis' expense.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I got up to stoke the fire and refresh our beverages. When I returned, Belmos broached the subject of our upcoming paper on the Boojum/Vampire Koi symbiosis.
"This promises to be a groundbreaking thesis - not only will it bring to light some fascinating insights into Vampire Koi biology, but introduce a completely unknown species as well."
Em snickered.
"Not to mention pairing three names no one would ever have expected to find as co-authors."
"Quite, m'dear, quite, heh-heh. It's sure to cause quite a stir on multiple fronts. Ironstaff, old man, have you given any thought to the title?"
"There's only one possible title, of course."
"Come again?"
"The only thing it could rightfully be called is ' The Hunting of the Snack '."
" ' The Hunting of the Snack ' ? However do you derive THAT?"
"Why - for the snack was a Boojum, you see."
Laughing and bowing in delight, I accepted the groaning accolades of my companions.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
(MagiStream's first Feghoot! just under 3000 words...are you SURE there's no upper limit, lol?)
Feel free to kibitz! I might even be able to work in a cameo or two on request.
