Depression - Read first post please

[MissMurderPaws]

I think I actually used to be clinically depressed. I'm better now, a little, but I used to spend all my time in my room, on the computer, i'd never really talk, I was alway short with people, and some days I didn't want to get out of bed. I thought it would actually be easier to just die.
I don't know what caused it, but i still get it sometimes, really strong. I think it may have been because at the time, my friends, who weren't really friends were betraying me, and I felt alone. I was being bullied really bad, and I didn't think anyone actually liked me. Some days I didn't care to do anything, other days I would just cry. It was really sad, and it got really bad when I was in a long distance relationship.
I am the kind of person who needs contact, I need to know somebody was there, and the boy I was dating didn't seem to care. He just kind of.... brushed me off, after him, I have spontaneous panic attacks, for no reason I would just start to hyper-ventilate, but I'm better now. I've gotten help. It made me sad. One time, I ate nothing for 4 days O.O

[WillowPuma]

Sad is definitely not the word for it.
I'm pretty sure i have experienced it- for reasons i will not divulge.
It's a state of mind.

I'll try and explain:

You're walking home. To your left is a beautiful sunset. To your right is rose bush full of perfect flowers.
Most people would be gaping at the flowers or the sunset-
But then some people would be blind to them. They would be looking at their feet, even when people next to them were telling them about the flowers and the sunset.
And it would be hard for them to look at everything else- and even if they would look at the pretty things they wouldn't notice them.

So its extremely hard to get out of. First of all to acknowledge the fact that you are depressed. That's the hardest step. And you have to know it too- its not something that you notice about yourself.

I have no idea what my point is. Nevermind.

[BradTheMad]

I have no idea what my point is. Nevermind.

I think you made a great point actually. When you are depressed you literally do not see the positive around you. It IS a state of mind and nothing can be done to cheer you up, a lot of people confuse feeling down with being depressed but the two are completely different.

[Ashke]

Well, I'm currently in a rut of clinical depression - this one's been lasting for over half a year. I'm on different kinds of medication, I see a therapist and do everything I can but it just won't budge.

I had a similar run of depression four years ago, so I'm really worried it's recurrent - and to lose a year or so every four years? Lose any kind of financial and emotional independence and security I've managed to scrape up on a regular basis for the rest of my life? No thanks?

The hardest are the sunny, beautiful days - I feel awful and undeserving on those, because everything is wonderful and I'm still just a sad ungrateful little shit.

It's difficult, but it's great to know that a) I'm not alone b) it's an illness, not me being a fundamentally shitty person and c) any kind of stigmatizing that happens in the case of mental illness is unbased and unfair.

[Muruki]

I have depression. I lost my old personality and my will to live. I lost the ability to see color(not physically, just mentally). I see no future for me. It's real alright.

[LunatheDragoness]

I have depression but I think my psychologist didnt diagnose me correctly. Major Depression seems more like what I feel and act. Plus mix in anxiety and ADD.

[Muruki]

I have depression but I think my psychologist didnt diagnose me correctly. Major Depression seems more like what I feel and act. Plus mix in anxiety and ADD.

psychologists aren't always right. I'm sorry you struggle with it.

[AbsoluteZero]

I have...something. They don't even know what I have from the sounds of it. They called it an "Unspecified Mood Disorder" and they gave me a bunch of medicine that has honestly made me feel worse than better. I talked to a counselor and all, and I have even gone to the hospital and a behavioral medical center after a bad self harm event last year, and they have all told me that I definitely have some form of depression. Though I don't know what good that is...considering how everyone is bumbling about trying to figure out what medicine works.

I'm going to go see another psychologist during March, and we're going to try to find something out. It's been hell trying to figure out what's going on with me. :/

I'm hanging in there, though. I made it a resolution this year to stay away from harming myself and to try to help myself see things in a more optimistic light. It's been tough, but after cutting all of my losses with abusive ties... I feel like I can be a little stronger.