Divorced Parents

[BlueIceFeather]

Okay, long story short, my parents are divorced and have been for a few months. My dad wants me all the time, and my mom wants me all the time. I have an idea about the schedule though. Anybody else out there that has a similar problem? My life really sucks right now.

[ShenziSixaxis]

I haven't had to deal with this or know anyone with it, but your parents need to realize that you're a person, not a dog or object and might prefer to live with one parent or the other, or that you'd rather do something such as live with one for a week, live with the other for a week.

You could also try a week day/week end schedule. Depending on who's work schedule fits in with this, you could live with one parent during the week days and live with the other on the week ends, rotating this when necessary.

[BlueIceFeather]

I haven't had to deal with this or know anyone with it, but your parents need to realize that you're a person, not a dog or object and might prefer to live with one parent or the other, or that you'd rather do something such as live with one for a week, live with the other for a week.

You could also try a week day/week end schedule. Depending on who's work schedule fits in with this, you could live with one parent during the week days and live with the other on the week ends, rotating this when necessary.

Ugh, now that you mention it I do feel like a dog...also, with the schedule I'm going to try and get week by week. My current schedule is cr*p.

[TxCat]

As a foster parent, I've dealt with juggling the schedules of divorced or arguing parents.

Some advice: if you're over age twelve or so, you are old enough to have input into this decision. Find out what your specific rights are in your state or country and then insist on them. In most cases, at the very least, if they are fighting about these things there should be a guardian ad leitem involved to ensure that your interests are met.

Don't allow them to fight over you like an object or a bone. Talk to them both, separately, if needed and explain how it makes your feel. Most parents don't want to hurt their children; the divorce is about them and their problems and, unfortunately, the children get used as pieces in those concerns or get forgotten. When you do talk to them, do so politely and in an adult manner even if neither of them deals with you in such a manner. If the matter goes to court, that will impress a judge more than tantrums.

Find a support group. If your school doesn't have one, look around the community. You need the support of other children going through this, kids who can understand the feelings and manipulation and legalities involved. Make sure the support group is mediated by a trustworthy adult. Look at church groups or community centers or ask your school counselor for help in finding a group which is a good fit for you.

Give serious, adult thought as to where you want to live and why: with one parent, with the other, split between them both, one on weekends, the other on holidays, etc. Be able to articulate why you want the arrangements you do, how they will best benefit your stability, and how it will ease things for your parents. Make sure you include things such as phone calls and casual get togethers, contact with the two families, and special occasions. Don't try to use the divorce as leverage or as a means to see who can offer you the most or let you get away with the most. Think about your future and what you need to be a productive, uncrippled human being.

[BlueIceFeather]

Tomorrow I get to talk to my attourney, hopefully. I'm going to get that schedule changed, no matter what.

[crazyflight]

My parents have been divorced ever since I was three years old. It was not very difficult to adapt to this because I don't even remember my parents ever being together. My mom hates my dad, and they get into arguments all the time. There is no other way to put it except that they are better off being 5 hours away form each other.

Our schedule, since he lives so far away, is kind of hectic, but is still organized. I go to school with my mom in her town, and visit my father on long weekends and school breaks. Although it often ends up with my not seeing him in a couple of months, I call and Facebook and text him and stuff, so it's okay. But the problem is, I like my dad so much more than my mom. If she could just get out of my hair for a couple of years, I would be a happy boy. The only reason I can't leave her now is not her insistence, but my friends. I can't leave them so abruptly. So I am going to high school with my dad, no matter what. I have a say in my life, and no one can stop me.

My mom is very strict and insists on my going to a rich private school for high school. Definitely the worst option ever. For many reasons; A. We aren't the best family financial-wise, B. The rich kids in the county are so snobby and bitchy that it would be torture to be with them, C. I wouldn't get any chance to do anything I want to do, and I probably wouldn't get to go to an Ivy League college anyways. So, no mom, I'm going to a public high school.

Right now, I am with my father for the summer. But I wish I could stay with him forever. My friendship with so many people where my mom lives binds me there. But if that wasn't the case, I would move in with my dad in a heartbeat.

[zozzy]

Same thing as you crazy flight, My parents have been divorced ever since 1rst grade so It wasn't to hard to adapt to.My big problem is I never see my dad, he is in the army so 'I don't get to see him more then once a year. It really kills me inside. My mom really hates my dad but my dad is open to anything. He is fine with mom they where best friends ever since they where born and my dad still wants to be friends with my mom. My mom hates the cold so she won't move out of this place and its torture to me. I just want to stay up hear in my home town of new jersey (i'm visiting right now.) forever.

[kepeskJ]

My parents divorced when I was 9 and my mother aloofed in Vegas 2 months later. Im 12 so that was 4 years ago. I see my biological father 1 weekend a month. They wont tell me why they they divorced but its still hard for me to see my mom and step-dad flirting and I think it always will be. Nobody was really there to help me as I had to deal with the divorce, my gramma's (BFF ) death, granny's death, dad's rejection, sister's "teen phases", a new school (transfer from 27-kid private school to 200-kid per grade public school), dad's girlfriend, stepsiblings, and alot of other things all within one year. I think that my mind is finnally catching up with the tragedy of my gramma dying because I had never cried for those whole 4 years and know im reminded of my broken family when I get milk out of the refrigerator because I think of my gramma getting it for me. Then I have to go and baul in my room for an hour or I start yelling at people.

As for your recent divorce I dont really have any advice because I still dont know the right way to cope with it. I dont know anything about the legal situation either.

[BlueIceFeather]

Well, my parents are thankfully too old to date, I see my mom as more of a single person anyway. I haven't actually cried very much, maybe five times, so I suppose that's alright. They've only been divorced about 8 months, I hope my soul will heal in time...

[ShenziSixaxis]

People are never too old to date. :tard: