poems- would love some constructive criticism

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Do you like my poems/quotes?

I love them!
5
42%
Pretty good.
5
42%
Meh.
1
8%
BOORIING
1
8%
Excuse me while I barf.
0
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Total votes: 12

FireCalls
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by FireCalls »

Tribute
Spoiler
An endless cascade of impending doom,
Blotting out any hopeful light,
Turning my world into fitful gloom,
Turning your day into darkest night.

It's not the fear,
but the knowledge.
Its not just a tear,
but bondage.

Spiraling around your legs,
Coiling over your arms,
The whisper that begs,
The murmur of coming harms.

You are trapped,
Life becoming unlaced,
Long living no longer mapped,
Distant death instantlly erased.

A tribute to the gods,
An offering for others,
Tied to planted rods,
Gagged by your brothers.
I wanted to offer some inspiration...
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rainswings
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by rainswings »

New unnamed poem up on page four! I'm taking suggestions for names.
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rainswings
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by rainswings »

A Friend Lost posted to page four! Check it out.
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rainswings
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by rainswings »

For you
Added to page 4
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rainswings
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by rainswings »

In This World added to page 4
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rainswings
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by rainswings »

It Seems, This Time added to page 4
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rainswings
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by rainswings »

You don't Own Me added to page 4
A new post will be made for poems after this
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rainswings
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by rainswings »

Here's to more, after a forever of not posting!
Night Monster
Spoiler
It's time I confess
I, like other monsters of the night
Do hiss at the daylight
And long to work like normal folk

Alas, how life works
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morrisoni
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Re: poems- would love some constructive criticism

Post by morrisoni »

I really think you should keep going. These are good, and I think you can get better. I especially like the one about your dad. Great work.
I pop in and out from time to time. If I don't immediately respond to something, don't take it personally. I'm just busy.
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