~Emerald Keep~ Chapter 1 is up :3 A Feast and a Frenzy

[Gingy]

Thank you for the reviews. I will try to start the next chapter tonight!

Thank you for the button Ky!

[Lunaheart]

Can't wait to read what happens next!!

Great description! I love the hoards of gryphons

[Icethornstar]

Hiya~ owo
Gingy can write, too? :o That. Is epicness.

Crit:

Spoiler

You've gotten off to a good start, seeing as you've got your imagery down. I'd suggest you balance out the description and the action a little more (despite the fact that I'm saying this >____>), and the chapter would flow more smoothly. Also, I think you need to watch out for your mechanics- you've missed quite a few commas, and some of the sentences sound awkward without them. There are a few periods in the wrong places, and some of the words are capitalized for no reason. Your grammar seems good, overall, but just be sure to go over it again and see if you can catch any little mistakes. Then again, I saw you in the rant thread, and I'm assuming that you stayed up late *coughveryveryearlycough* to finish writing this, and you were too tired to really pay attention to everything at once. :tard: That's what I'm assuming, but...
Ehm.
Anyway, the story's opening up nicely, and I like your word choice. Hehe. The feed time- that was funny. x3 If you'd fix the comma bit some, and make your sentences a little less choppy (for lack of a better word, sorry if it seems a bit harsh Dx), you'll be set and your story will be even more awesome. :3

I liked it, though, I really did! :o
And you cut off in a good place, someone died, didn't they?
Nah~
She finds someone attacking another basi. ;o;

[freakazoid]

She finds someone attacking another basi. ;o;

No she finds me coming in all bloody because I fought against an ebil monster for a Winged Cat

[sammythethief]

THE COMMOTION. IT IS NARWHALS, YEES?

I like the feel of Emerald Keep - very cozy! Can't wait for more!