A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

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A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by faedemon »

Hello judges :wave: This is my story, hope you like it!

A Step Along the Wrong Road

Spoiler
My name is Soul. My Tenabre Fox's name is Danny. He used to be an Arkenian Kitsune. I used to be a magi who lived in The Keep alongside my creatures, but all that changed two months ago. Now I'm stranded in the land of the dead along with Danny, forced to walk among a crowd of ghostly, flickering people heading who knows where. But let's start from the beginning. It started on October 31, the night of Halloween. It was supposed to be fun. But really...

It was terrifying.


"Hey!" I yelled, running around after my Arkeninan Kitsune, Danny. "Come back here, you!" I made a wild leap and landed right on top of him. He squirmed around under my weight, barking playfully as I stuck a cloth mask over his face. "Come on, boy," I said, smiling and shaking my head. "We have to get your costume on for Halloween!" Danny finally sat still and I managed to put on his costume.

He was dressing up as a Tenabre Fox, a creature I longed to have, but didn't. A few of the other creatures who were in my Keep room were running around with masks or fake wings or something on, candy in their mouths. They would be staying behind, handing out treats to Trick or Treaters, while Danny and I actually went around Trick or Treating. Although I was a teenager, I'd never grown out of the festivities.

I put on my costume and admired myself in my standing mirror. I dressed up as a full-blown witch. I had a black pointed hat with purple silk cascading down all the sides except for in front of my face, a long black form-fitting dress trimmed with purple silk and sparkly purple designs on it, and sleeves that reached down to my elbows, reaching down further behind my arms with purple silk. The dress had a cut opening that went up to my knees on either side, so I could walk without looking awkward. I also had on black high-heels.

After admiring myself, I grabbed a small basket with a few fake apples in it that I'd use for my candy, and put a leash loosely around Danny's neck. "Come on Danny, let's go to where we're meeting Skylar," I told him and, after assuring all the creatures in my room knew what to do, left to go meet my best friend, Skylar.


"Hey! Soul!" Skylar yelled to me, waving me over as I walked down the crowded hallway. I grinned and made my way over to her, making sure I didn't let go of Danny's leash. "Hello, Sister Soul," she said in a falsetto witch voice. "What shall we brew up in our cauldron tonight?" We'd agreed to be "Witch Sisters" for Halloween, therefore wearing nearly the same costume. The silk and sparkles on Skylar's dress were green instead of purple, and we'd assured that our costumes would be unique by having her private tailor sew them for us.

"Dearest Sister Skylar, I do think we shall cook up a brew of candy and chocolate tonight!" I said, but my faux voice, which was supposed to be high and scratchy, came out more like a rooster's cry. There was silence between us for a moment, then the both of us doubled over laughing.

"It's a chicken witch!" Skylar said, gasping, as she got over her fit of giggles. That comment just made me laugh even harder, and I was about to force myself to stop before I snorted (which would have resulted in a snotty mess) when a clock somewhere chimed midnight. I suddenly quieted. The bustling halls almost immediately emptied as people ran off to their Trick-Or-Treating starting points. Skylar and I squirmed around, anxious for the telltale eerie music to start playing and signal the start of the Trick-Or-Treating.

When the music started playing, I got a bad case of the shivers. It was so eerie; it felt like it were playing right down my spine and forcing my limbs to tremble. I loved it. It gave the "Halloween feel" a whole new meaning, like there really was something watching, lurking in the dark. I gave an excited squeal and Skylar and I started along our pre-planned route. Little did I know that my carefully planned schedule would go so off-course.


Skylar and I were out for what seemed like hours, Trick-Or-Treating and having fun. Danny always snatched up any Gummy Griffins I got, and after I while I finally gave up trying to stop him. It was too much hassle.

Occasionally, our sudden materializations out of the shadows spooked other Trick-Or-Treaters into dropping their baskets of candy, and we got to dive down, snatch a few, and run off cackling to our next destination.

After a few hours of non-stop giggling and nibbling on candy, Skylar and I both grew tired, though Danny was raring to go (due to the fact that he was high on Gummy Griffins). We said our goodbyes at Skylar's room, and I was left to wander on my own back to my own room. Danny jumped around my feet as I trudged along, a wave of sleepiness washing over me. I nearly fell over and started snoring against the floor once or twice, but I managed to go on.

It was really late when I found myself in the corridor that lead to my room. Nearly everyone had gone back to their own rooms, and the sky outside was pitch-black. I figured it must be about three in the morning. Yawning, I started walking down the corridor with Danny bouncing along on my heels. I'd almost made it to my door when Danny's hackles raised and his fur stood on end, and he started barking at a side corridor that seemed too dark to be real. I considered making a break for my room, but curiosity overrode my fear. If only I'd ran to my room then. I might've spared myself and Danny. But no, I had to go and see what was creating such darkness. That is my biggest regret.

Danny was reluctant. He strained against his leash as I tugged him towards the corridor, but what finally got him in there wasn't me. It seemed to be the darkness itself that did it. A cold wind pulled us in, as if... as if the darkness were inhaling. I realized the danger too late. By that time, I could only scrabble at the cobblestone floor as Danny and I were dragged in by the cold, harsh blackness. I tried to cry out for help, but my voice didn't seem to work. Danny could only whimper as he was dragged in. Silent tears poured down my face, and I thought the words I love you over and over again, while picturing everyone I'd ever loved in my head.

I was crying. I was crying and crying, hugging Danny to my chest, unaware of anything or anyone that was around me. Only my misery existed. Only my pain, my suffering, and my inevitably doomed fate. Only when Danny whimpered and brought me back to Earth (or wherever I was) did I realize I was sitting on solid ground, and the darkness wasn't clawing at me, pulling me in anymore. It simply enveloped me, cradled me, but forcefully kept me shut in, as if it didn't want me to leave.

Fat chance of that, I thought, my brain cells slowly coming back to life. I can't see anything except myself and Danny.

Shakily, I stood. Danny, still in costume, whimpered and rubbed his head against my leg. "I know, I know," I murmured. "But I'll find a way out." I started walking with my hands outstretched, looking for the wall of the corridor I was dragged into. I never found it. It seemed that Danny and I were in a different place entirely, filled with darkness and despair. The misery was creeping into my thoughts, making me want to give up, to crawl into a ball and die.

No, I thought. I am a magi! I can fight this. I thought, driving the darkness away from my mind. I pushed onward.

That was when the attacks started.

They were fast as bullets, but shaped like arrows. They seemed to be made of pure dark magic. It took all of my willpower to push my dark thoughts away and concentrate on predicting the missiles' paths and dodging them. Danny had the same problem, but he wasn't as quick or nimble as I was, considering that he was worn out from his sugar high on Gummy Griffins. Danny was hit.

The arrow pierced my friend's left thigh. The darkness radiated power and evil as it spread up Danny's leg and encased his whole body. Then it dissipated, and Danny was still there in his costume.... But no, it wasn't a costume anymore. The darkness had granted my wish. Danny the Arkenian Kitsune was no longer that. He was now a Tenabre Fox.

"DANNY!" I shrieked, pulling at his fur, hoping it wasn't real, that it was a trick of the light, although there was no light in that place. I cried into his now black fur, and he nuzzled me. Still the same Danny, even if he wasn't my sole Arkenian Kitsune anymore.

I stayed there crying into his fur for what seemed like hours, but was really only seconds. I let my guard down and stopped concentrating on the fire of Dark Arrows. And I felt one go right through the side of my torso, passing straight through my heart.

My eyes shot wide open, and I hacked up a lot of blood. The darkness spread over me like a wave. I felt its cold malice eveloping me, feeling like an encasing of ice. I was frozen for a moment, and then the darkness dissolved. I was still there, but something was wrong. I looked at my hands, and my eyes widened even further. They were transparent.

I was a ghost.

I gasped aloud and sat there on my knees, staring in shock at my own self. A million thoughts raced through my head, some as confused and silly as, Why did I have to die in a witch's costume? and I didn't even get to go to the afterlife with my broom!

Eventually I realized I wasn't alone with Danny anymore. There were thousands of ghosts swarming around me, heading in one direction. Suddenly, I remembered all the stories of people disappearing on Halloween, and a dark mass exiting the castle late at night. I realized that the rumors weren't just rumors. They were truth.

I was heralded into standing, and Danny and I started walking into the darkness along with the ghosts. I sensed that they had a purpose, and were marching along respectively. I tried talking to them, but found my voice remained useless. So I simply followed.



Now, here we are, where I began. Walking along with the ghosts to an unknown place. But you know what? It isn't unknown to me anymore. I know where we're going now.

We're trying to find the light.
Last edited by faedemon on October 24th, 2013, 10:17:11 am, edited 14 times in total.
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by MissMurderPaws »

Love it! Omg, this is amazing! <3 I can feel the realness of the piece (The voice, the dialogue, the word choice) and you nailed Shadow's personality. You're amazing!
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by faedemon »

Oh my goodness thank you! *tear, tear*

No one's ever said that about my writing before XD they just tell me the bad parts.

Also, until you get back to me by PM, I'm shanging Shadow's name to Siena.
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by MissMurderPaws »

Oh, I like it :D Please tell me it's not done yet? I would be so sad. It's amazing <3 You have the perfect amount of suspence, I got chills from reading it <3
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by faedemon »

Oh heck no! I have a bunch more ideas forming >D Take that competition! IMA WIN!
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by dransnake »

Man I really like this! I think you will win!
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by faedemon »

No, I don't think it's that good....

But thanks so much! I'd love some criticism, though... when I read it, I feel it goes along too fast, and I need more details or something to slow it down..
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by ShadyPaws »

I love writing and this is AMAZING! I really enjoyed reading it. Great job Soul!
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by faedemon »

Thanks so much <3

I made a few edits because some of it repeated itself, etc.
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Re: A Step Along the Wrong Road (2013 Writing Contest Entry)

Post by Floodtail »

This.... is so good. It gave me the chills and made me hungry for Gummy Griffins. Will you review my story? :woo:
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