MagiStream

My name is Rain. I am a wolf without a pack.

Life without one is pretty lonely.

I live in a cave with my brother, Black. He's a great hunter, and has an amazing sense of smell, but a bad sense of hearing. For me, its the complete opposite. I have great hearing, but a terrible sense of smell.

Our parents once had a pack, but they ran away. Black didn't know the reason why, and I had no plan to tell him. There was no reason for him to know, and it was a burden I still wish I did not have. I would rather live out the rest of my life being ignorant to the secret.

Black was out hunting when I heard something from outside the cave. It wasn't Black; the footsteps were way too careful to be him.

I got to my paws and took a deep breath in. The thing outside was a wolf, but it did not completely smell like one. It had faint traces of human in it. Puzzled, I walked slowly to entrance and poked my head out. There was a misty white haze outside hanging over glistening white snow. Something made my fur prickle.

The first thing I saw were two green eyes. Then I realized the mist was not mist, but a shape. It had substance.

Massive white shoulders. I had to look up to get a good view at the head, and I did not even reach her shoulder. The wolf's fur was white and she had huge claws and teeth.

"Who are you?" I asked. My voice sounded small, even to me.

The wolf regarded me with a strange expression.

"Sorry, but you came to my cave," I said.

The wolf looked around. "It seems as though I have." She had a strange and very thick accent, which was very hard to understand. The accent sounded sort of like a human trying to speak wolf, and not exactly getting it right. Her voice was deep, too, and that made it all the more confusing to understand.

"Who are you?" I asked.

The wolf seemed to think. "Snow. Who are you?"

"Rain," I answered.

"Well, Rain. I seem to be stuck here for awhile, so can I stay here?"

"Can't you find someplace where there isn't already a wolf?" I asked. I didn't quite understand what she meant by stuck here. Did she mean the cave, the forest around the cave, or something entirely different? Something told me not to ask that question to the giant wolf. She looked dangerous, and I didn't want to provoke her. "My brother and I live here alone, and here's really not enough room for three wolves."

"Where is your brother?"

I turned back into my cave and sat by the entrance. "Hunting."

"Is he any good?"

"What's it to you?" I asked. About a second later, I could hear Black coming. "He's coming back, and he doesn't like other wolves. He's a bit territorial."

"Of his brother and a cave," Snow guessed.

"Of his food," I answered.

"I guess I'll go then." Snow turned, then she was gone. I know it sounds strange, but watching the white wolf leave was sort of saddening. She had been the only company that I had had in a long time, unless you counted Black, but all he wanted to talk about was hunting and fighting. That could really get annoying sometimes.

So I sat and waited for the growl that would surely mean that Black found Snow.


Tell me if you like it, and I'll continue!

Oh please, oh please continue! That was so amazing, the words oh please do continue! And please don't hold back! Continue right away!

'Twas pretty good. You definitely need to describe things more, give a little more sense of settings. I really can't tell exactly how this looks- is it summer? Winter? What's Snow's accent like? Exactly how large is Snow? Pop in a little more history, a little more intrigue and mystery to the start, to help grab your reader. You kind of read through this and have to read through it again to fully understand it- try to make your writing clear and to the point, but not sharp and clear. You need just enough mistiness to make your reader want to read more. Right now the edges on your writing are a little foggy, but otherwise you're doing well.

The growl never came, which surprised me. Black would have known if anyone was in his territory. He knew whenever I came to cave, even if he hadn't seen me.

So there I sat, waiting for Black to arrive. By the sound of his paws thudding on the ground, he was not happy. I stiffened. Had he seen Snow?

The black wolf walked almost straight into me. Snowflakes clung to his pelt, and his paws were dyed white. Black carried a small dear in his mouth.

I backed up to give the hunter more room for his catch. He set it down, then he glared at it.

"It took me all morning to catch it," he growled. "It was the only thing I could smell! I had to go at least a mile out of our territory to get it."

Now it was my turn to glare. Black had gone out of our territory, which meant he had gone into a grizzly's territory. The bear himself was rather small, but he could be trouble.

"You went on to that grizzly's territory?" I asked.

Black nodded. "I know. It could have killed me. At least I caught something. Just eat it." Black tore off a leg and gave it to me. I set it on the ground and ate it fast. Food was becoming more scarce lately, especially during winter.

After I had devoured the leg, I tore off another and ate that, too. I let Black have the rest because I wasn't hungry anymore. Instead, I thought about Snow.

First, before I go any further in thinking about Snow, there are a few things I haven't mentioned. I sometimes get visions. But its not like actually seeing them, its more like living them. Sometimes I see battles, sometimes more wolves being born, and even once, I fought the grizzly a day before he attacked Black and me.

Black also had weird, otherworldly powers. He can mess around with other animal's emotions. He can't do it whenever he feels like it though, and he has never done it to me. I don't think he can mess around with my feelings.

Also, both of us can talk to each other without speaking out loud. We sort of hear each other in our heads. I think that might be one of the reasons Mom and Dad got kicked out of their pack. I still have strange memories of the pack, although none of them are quite clear.

Anyways, on to Snow. I had so many questions. Like, why on Earth had she asked to stay with me and my brother? And why had she smelled like humans? Where was she from, and how did she have an accent?

I wish I had more answers.

But just then, I felt myself freeze. I saw Black look up at me, but then, I felt myself drop away.

It was dark. I was looking through another wolf's eyes. Vaguely, from the part of my mind that was still in the cave with Black, I realized I had become Snow.

Snow glittered on the ground, which meant that it was still winter. I could smell blood. When I looked at my fur, I realized I had been in some sort of fight, and I had won.

I could hear the faint, failing breath of another wolf. I took one step forward and saw who it was. A growl of shock ripped out of my throat.

The wolf Snow had killed was Black.

Oh god, moar, we crave moar!! Excellent writing, and very addicting.

Yesss! Explaining history! Wonderful wonderful wonderful!
AND A CLIFFHANGER!! YAAAAAYYY!!!!
A scene description and everything. MUCH BETTER!
This is fabulous! Keep on going!

I struggled back to my own body. Black was standing over me, and his fur was standing on end.

"What did you see?" Black asked me.

How much should I tell him? I thought. It was important for him to know that he was going to die soon, but something made me very reluctant to tell Black about Snow.

"I think I saw through another wolf's eyes," I began. I felt bad about lying to him. "The wolf had just fought against you, and you had lost. Black, you were dying."

Black sat down beside me. "How old did I look?" he asked. I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to find out about how long it would be until my vision actually happened.

"Not too much older than you are now, but it was dark, and I couldn't quite see you clearly." That much was true.

"Do you remember the smell of the wolf that you were? Did you recognize any of your surroundings?"

"No. I only saw you, white paws, and blackness. And a whole lot of blood." I shivered. I did not want to see Black's death. But how could Snow kill him? When would they ever fight against each other?

I would find that out soon.



Now it was my turn to hunt. Black hadn't been feeling very good ever since he caught that deer. I was reluctant to leave my brother for very long, but I knew we both had to eat, so I planned not to go very far today.

The forest around me was dark, and only one or two leaves still clung to the branches. The snow on the ground glittered in the afternoon light. My paw prints were printed in the snow so that any creature could follow me now. I could feel my pelt prickle slightly.

The faint smell of squirrel caught my attention. It was not far away, and by the sound of it, I guessed it was digging up its acorns. I circled around so I was downwind of the little creature, and then I leaped onto it, killing it so fast it did not feel any pain. I quickly buried the new-kill in the snow so that I could come back later and get it.

I turned away from the cave and the fresh kill, and I padded deeper into the forest. I could hear soft hoof steps and realized that a small deer had gotten hurt. I stalked towards it, and was just about to leap onto it when something white jumped on it and killed it.

"Snow!" I growled. The massive white wolf turned towards me. "That was my kill!"

"You'll just have to be faster," Snow retorted. "Unless you want a fight."

"No," I said. "Its rightfully mine! It was on my territory!"

Snow looked around, as if she was confused. When she looked back at me, it looked as if she hardly knew who I was. "Yeah. You're right. You take it, Rain."

Snow turned away from the deer and walked away.

Whowha?

You got me hooked.
Keep going!

I'll right some more tomorrow. I'm really glad people like it!