Theme 15 Regret
Its funny. Life has a way of evening out. Yet there are times where things get bad to worse with no relief to it getting any better. No silver lining. No light to run to. So when I hear that life evens out I laugh. It couldn't be further from the truth.
Having been separated from the rest of the army we had ducked into the underbrush of the forest we had been close to. Hitting the ground we panted looking at our wounds. The blood flowed freely but there was slight discoloration in it. "Poison…..," I whispered to my superior, Keeru. She is a very rare, if not the only, black phoenix demon, and the second ranking demon of Hell.
"Fuck.. Of all the rotten luck… We march for days searching for our enemy with hardly a chance to eat and then this?" She cursed under her breath as she tried to wriggle out of the underbrush and onto the deer trails.
Following suit I stood beside her and looked on to see that our army was no where to be seen. "Dammit how far did we run?" Keeru asked looking around for any sign of our comrades. "Razor Fang, I want you to check closer to the left of this tree line. Meet me back in half an hour."
"Of course," I gave a bow and headed in the direction I was ordered to go in. I could see the trail through the long grass where Keeru and I had made a mad dash away from the onslaught of Demon Hunter shurikens, but there was no sign of the rest of the army. No stragglers, pairs or groups who had possibly been separated as well. It was apparent that Keeru and I would have to make an attempt to regroup with them later.
Making my way back I had felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. There was someone here, watching my every move. I looked around feeling a sudden swoon, from the poison pumping through my veins, but could see no sign of the stalker.
"Any sign?" Keeru asked as she walked up beside me. I gave a start before giving her my answer. She cursed giving me the same result. "We could just regroup back at Headquarters, but we were supposed to be attacking them today. Getting back to Hell is far too lengthy and strenuous on everyone." I gave a nod. We hadn't the kind of energy to open a portal to our lovely city. If we did, we would've done it long ago and the whole marching thing could be avoided.
My head spun again, this time knocking my balance off so much that Keeru had to catch me from falling over. "I think you have a bit too much poison in your system," She warned sitting me down against a tree. That's when we finally noticed. Things had been quiet in this forest since the beginning, but it was only now, when that feeling of being watched, did it seem of some significance.
"How many you think they are?" I whispered.
Keeru shook her head, gently picking me up and we began following the deer trails.
She said nothing for a while as we pressed on. No matter what direction we turned in, the feeling never left. We were not just being followed, we were being toyed with and being hunted. The silence was thick, the feeling was getting closer. So used to hunting the feeling of being on the other side of it was most unwelcome. I hated it and through Keeru's cursing I could tell she hated it just as much, if not more so than I.
Finally finding a clearing, with what looked to be a cave near by, we stopped. A scent had filled the air. A scent so strong that it stung our eyes and clouded the mind. Straining to look at our attackers they peppered us both with shurikens. A cowardly tact, but effective when our senses were being muddled up.
Through blurry eyes I saw her drop. There was too much poison now in her veins, and the smell that was in the air was burning our lungs. It wasn't long before I too dropped, but I had just a bit more strength. Straining I moved my stiffening limbs and grabbed a hold of Keeru's body, and pulled her to me. I heard voices, the sound of laughter and the sound of finality. They didn't care what happened to us, knowing full well that the poison within us would kill us just as effectively as cutting our heads off. They had wandered off leaving me with a dieing, if not already dead Keeru, and my own thoughts.
Stubborn as I was, and thick headed as I am, I dragged my ever stiffening body, and the dead weight of Keeru to the cave that was near by. It was a long trek and with it was a long string of thoughts, events, and regrets. In those final moments, I was thinking of my lover. My young, and troubled lover. His name was Loki.
The things we had been through and the love we shared was precious to me. I had only hoped that he felt the same way. It certainly felt that way, despite him leaving without telling me. Disappearing for days, weeks sometimes months on end. Loki would never tell me if there was something wrong, if he needed help, or if he was in trouble. I could see it in him, but he would never tell me a single word of it. Sadly I was driven to joining the army. I had been so spiteful towards him. Making me worry for years over him, and yet he still not trust me enough to tell me anything. Of course I was going to do something stupid. I never regretted joining, I enjoyed being around the people I was with. Being Keeru's right hand man in all sorts of mischief and darkness was a blast, and I wouldn't change that. What I would change, was staying in the army. I stayed for too long and I knew it. Keeru knew it, and she and Loki were at each others throats. It just took me to that moment to hit me. Gods it hit me like a brick wall.
"Loki…. I'm sorry……," I whispered to the cave around me. " I am so sorry… I hope.. One day you can forgive me for abandoning you…… I am a fuck up…. I should have stayed with you… I should have been better for you…… Just know… that I love you always… and that I want you to live as happily as you can…… Just… Do not… forget me……. I'm sorry I won't be coming home like I promised……"
With those final words I let the poison take me. Blackness was what followed next, and then a deep restful sleep. I didn't think, didn't feel, didn't dream… and I didn't hear. Until I woke up centuries later in a more modern world, as a wandering spirit.
*~Alchemist and dreamweaver~*