The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (chapter 2 posted!)

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The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (chapter 2 posted!)

Postby InsanityWolf » June 18th, 2012, 2:13:54 pm

Aw snap,reboot of my first story here on MS.

So things will be a bit different then the old one, hopefully things will be better.

Criticism is welcome!

(BTW: A Spirit Walf is an animal with the tail and paws of a cat, the body, head, and legs of a wolf, and bird like wings, Demon Walves have bat like wings instead of bird like wings.)

Prolog: The Wolf Pups of Econa and Talimoa.





Index:


Last edited by InsanityWolf on July 26th, 2012, 2:30:54 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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I collect all frozen eggs, koi fish, and moss snails.
I'm just that video game obsessed moron.
My main blog hueheueheu
Note: I go between four different pronouns and use the one that fits me best for the time. Right now I currently am a female, so use those pronouns.
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (Prolog posted!)

Postby moondragon » June 18th, 2012, 2:25:23 pm

I love it, fwuffy <3 It captured my interest and I can't wait for the next chapter.
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (Prolog posted!)

Postby InsanityWolf » June 18th, 2012, 2:29:20 pm

Aw thank you Moon, Chapter 1 should be out soon.


Any criticism?
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I collect all frozen eggs, koi fish, and moss snails.
I'm just that video game obsessed moron.
My main blog hueheueheu
Note: I go between four different pronouns and use the one that fits me best for the time. Right now I currently am a female, so use those pronouns.
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (Prolog posted!)

Postby moondragon » June 18th, 2012, 2:36:59 pm

No, not really :3 I thought it was good. A few grammar mistakes maybe, but those are an easy fix.
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (Prolog posted!)

Postby InsanityWolf » June 30th, 2012, 9:14:56 pm

Chapter 1:

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I collect all frozen eggs, koi fish, and moss snails.
I'm just that video game obsessed moron.
My main blog hueheueheu
Note: I go between four different pronouns and use the one that fits me best for the time. Right now I currently am a female, so use those pronouns.
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (chapter 1 posted!)

Postby pearlevil » July 18th, 2012, 1:05:46 pm

Oh cow Fwuffy, both the prolouge and the first chapter where amazing! You should really keep writing it! But I agree with Moon, there are a few spelling mistakes. I love the charecters, especialy Fang. C;
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (chapter 1 posted!)

Postby InsanityWolf » July 18th, 2012, 1:16:48 pm

pearlevil wrote:Oh cow Fwuffy, both the prolouge and the first chapter where amazing! You should really keep writing it! But I agree with Moon, there are a few spelling mistakes. I love the charecters, especialy Fang. C;


Thanks pearl, don't worry I'll get working on chapter 2 soon.

Hehe Fang seems to be popular.
Image
I collect all frozen eggs, koi fish, and moss snails.
I'm just that video game obsessed moron.
My main blog hueheueheu
Note: I go between four different pronouns and use the one that fits me best for the time. Right now I currently am a female, so use those pronouns.
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InsanityWolf
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (chapter 1 posted!)

Postby InsanityWolf » July 26th, 2012, 2:30:03 pm

Chapter 2:

Image
I collect all frozen eggs, koi fish, and moss snails.
I'm just that video game obsessed moron.
My main blog hueheueheu
Note: I go between four different pronouns and use the one that fits me best for the time. Right now I currently am a female, so use those pronouns.
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (chapter 1 posted!)

Postby pearlevil » July 26th, 2012, 2:51:46 pm

InsanityWolf wrote:Turrent’s ear flattened in confusion. “That’s stupid to change a legend just because you don’t know the wolf’s name! That’s stupid that the wolf didn’t kill Zyphire! Why is that so stupid?!”


This made me laugh. X3


InsanityWolf wrote: There were three archways, the left lead to a large kitchen that was western themed, the right lead to a large living room that was very colorful, and straight led upstairs which lead to a bathroom and a bedroom with a large queen sized navy blue bed with a large flatscreen TV.


This is a bit of a critique, but the TV and the bed and such I feel don't really go along with the feel of the story, for before this there was no mention of technology such as the TV before the fountain. But fountains are still pretty early technology I believe. Otherwise, your story is very nice, and I can't wait until the next chapter. And I think I'm going to make some fanart of Fang. X3
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Re: The Legend of the Spirit Walves! (chapter 1 posted!)

Postby InsanityWolf » July 26th, 2012, 2:55:14 pm

pearlevil wrote:
InsanityWolf wrote:Turrent’s ear flattened in confusion. “That’s stupid to change a legend just because you don’t know the wolf’s name! That’s stupid that the wolf didn’t kill Zyphire! Why is that so stupid?!”


This made me laugh. X3


InsanityWolf wrote: There were three archways, the left lead to a large kitchen that was western themed, the right lead to a large living room that was very colorful, and straight led upstairs which lead to a bathroom and a bedroom with a large queen sized navy blue bed with a large flatscreen TV.


This is a bit of a critique, but the TV and the bed and such I feel don't really go along with the feel of the story, for before this there was no mention of technology such as the TV before the fountain. But fountains are still pretty early technology I believe. Otherwise, your story is very nice, and I can't wait until the next chapter. And I think I'm going to make some fanart of Fang. X3



Thank you for the critique. I agree now that I re-read this chapter, the TV,kitchen,bathroom, and bed don't seem to fit. I should've mentioned technology being in the story, but I didn't. Derp.

Aw I'm sure he'll like the fanart. c:
Image
I collect all frozen eggs, koi fish, and moss snails.
I'm just that video game obsessed moron.
My main blog hueheueheu
Note: I go between four different pronouns and use the one that fits me best for the time. Right now I currently am a female, so use those pronouns.
User avatar
InsanityWolf
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Posts: 21470
Joined: September 12th, 2010, 9:38:14 am
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