MagiStream

I signed in just for you, hehe. Now then,

I really like how you really pay attention to detail and give great descriptions of the dragons. The first chapter was very intriguing, and it really caught my attention. What has been explained about the royal family so far is very interesting, and unique, I would think. At least, if I am correct and the royals' lifelines are tied to that of their dragons'. You also showed to at least know what you're talking about when going about the horse gear and did not simply leave it at putting on her tack. The fourth chapter you have posted certainly leaves me wondering what happened, and I can't wait to read more.

Keep up the good work.

Yep yep! You have amaaaazing attention to detail especially when decribing the dragons! What I noticed though, was that you introduced so many dragons in the first chapter, that I got confused. You kind of need to gradually add in characters. If they're minor characters, going into a whole lot of detail won't do your story any credit, but rather it only adds to extra detail that leads your readers away from the story. But say they are minor now, but will be major later, maybe drop hints and details along the way about that specific dragon, but try not to overload xD About the only dragon that I got out of the whole list in that first chapter was Violeta because she was the only dragon that you fleshed out, that made real contact with the main charrie. And even then, I had to reread over her descriptions because I was trying to keep up with the other details of the other dragons, lolol(x I guess, what I'm trying to say that I kept on babbling on about, flesh out the characters that you're planning to be more important to the story but not all at one setting.
Also I noticed that you sometimes shifted from 1st to 3rd point of view.
Okay, so the good stuffs :3 *almost typed your real name, hahahhahaha* xD Lightning, babygurl, to me, it seems like you are sure of where you're going with this story, and it shows in what you've written so far. I love love how you kind of prolonged the start of conflict until the fourth chapter unlike what some other authors do (I do this a LOT! hahaha) which is to reveal the main conflict aaaall in the first chapter instead of starting out with a small conflict which could be a result from the main story's conflict, so I love that you've waited until this chapter because this lets Meghan, the character, flesh out more. I also love your use of vocabulary. Tis quite superb ;) But anywhoooo! I'm sooo excited for the upcoming chapters(: Update soon?

Erika wrote:I signed in just for you, hehe. Now then,

I really like how you really pay attention to detail and give great descriptions of the dragons. The first chapter was very intriguing, and it really caught my attention. What has been explained about the royal family so far is very interesting, and unique, I would think. At least, if I am correct and the royals' lifelines are tied to that of their dragons'. You also showed to at least know what you're talking about when going about the horse gear and did not simply leave it at putting on her tack. The fourth chapter you have posted certainly leaves me wondering what happened, and I can't wait to read more.

Keep up the good work.

For little old me? I feel special And yes, you are correct about the royals' lifelines tied to the dragons(x And yeah, I don't like to write about things I'm not certain on. Thank you very much, and I'll be sure to write more x3

CrimsonRegret wrote:Yep yep! You have amaaaazing attention to detail especially when decribing the dragons! What I noticed though, was that you introduced so many dragons in the first chapter, that I got confused. You kind of need to gradually add in characters. If they're minor characters, going into a whole lot of detail won't do your story any credit, but rather it only adds to extra detail that leads your readers away from the story. But say they are minor now, but will be major later, maybe drop hints and details along the way about that specific dragon, but try not to overload xD About the only dragon that I got out of the whole list in that first chapter was Violeta because she was the only dragon that you fleshed out, that made real contact with the main charrie. And even then, I had to reread over her descriptions because I was trying to keep up with the other details of the other dragons, lolol(x I guess, what I'm trying to say that I kept on babbling on about, flesh out the characters that you're planning to be more important to the story but not all at one setting.
Also I noticed that you sometimes shifted from 1st to 3rd point of view.
Okay, so the good stuffs :3 *almost typed your real name, hahahhahaha* xD Lightning, babygurl, to me, it seems like you are sure of where you're going with this story, and it shows in what you've written so far. I love love how you kind of prolonged the start of conflict until the fourth chapter unlike what some other authors do (I do this a LOT! hahaha) which is to reveal the main conflict aaaall in the first chapter instead of starting out with a small conflict which could be a result from the main story's conflict, so I love that you've waited until this chapter because this lets Meghan, the character, flesh out more. I also love your use of vocabulary. Tis quite superb ;) But anywhoooo! I'm sooo excited for the upcoming chapters(: Update soon?

Yeah, I tend to add too many characters *headdesk*. They're all going to be major and important in the future, though. And I tend to do that as well; but I actually want to see if I can get something published, and I figured my own ideas and imagination would be a good start<3

LightningDragon wrote:Yeah, I tend to add too many characters *headdesk*. They're all going to be major and important in the future, though. And I tend to do that as well; but I actually want to see if I can get something published, and I figured my own ideas and imagination would be a good start<3

Well, babygurl, you're headed in the right direction for publication (: Keep on writing, love!

Whoa. This is really, really good.

Be aware that publication companies are probably going to comb the internet for stuff like this! You might not get published unless they have a way to verify it was you who posted it here...
The type of search engines they use are probably wicked good. I've been caught "plagerizing" creative writing assignments twice... from myself, on deviantArt. And that was for a high school class! You don't want to loose your chance (Because, honestly, this should have one) by posting here.

IDK. I'm a liiiiiitle bit paranoid myself, so there might be nothing to worry about... but still...




(+1 reader)

Bluewyrm wrote:Whoa. This is really, really good.

Be aware that publication companies are probably going to comb the internet for stuff like this! You might not get published unless they have a way to verify it was you who posted it here...
The type of search engines they use are probably wicked good. I've been caught "plagerizing" creative writing assignments twice... from myself, on deviantArt. And that was for a high school class! You don't want to loose your chance (Because, honestly, this should have one) by posting here.

IDK. I'm a liiiiiitle bit paranoid myself, so there might be nothing to worry about... but still...




(+1 reader)

That's actually a bit scary...I'll keep that in mind.

Chapter Five; A Warrior


Scalar stared at herself in the small oval mirror set in her vanity stand. Long, strawberry-blonde hair. A spattering of freckles across the face. A small, upturned nose. Large, emerald green eyes. She knew she was pretty, and she had no shortage of suitors, but she didn't want to settle down, she didn't want to start a family. She sighed, looking down at the dark wood of her vanity stand.

Delicate hands rested on a small letter opener, and a wild thought popped into Scalar's mind. She closed her hands around the dagger, swept her hair over her shoulder, and sawed it off well above her shoulders. She stood and slipped off her graceful, flowing pale blue dress, and instead pulled on a pair of dark black tights and a forest green shirt. With her small build, you'd almost think she was a young man.

Scalar packed a small leather sack with another few pairs of tights and shirts, then snuck through her parent's small house to the kitchen, stuffing a few loaves of bread and apples into it before she slipped out the door and closed it quietly behind her.

The paved streets near her house were almost entirely empty, and Scalar walked unmolested and unrecognized up to a small tent near the Lord's house. She knew a few of the other men who were standing around, signing up for the Army. She wrote Scalar in a neat hand, and hesitated only a second over a last name; she settled on "Regret."

*dies* OH MY GEEZ I love you, Lightning xDDD

This is an Amazeful story! Can't wait to see more chapters!