((This is just something I wrote as an emotional outpouring and have decided to share it here. Note that since it is an emotional outpouring, it isn't all that great. I'll probably write something attached to it somewhere along the way. Maybe....))
Have you ever seen something and just had to have it? Well, this happened to me, but not with a something; it happened with a someone. It was nothing but a glance across a room...oh, but that glance sealed my fate and awakened something deep inside me that had been sleeping far too long. I felt a warmth in my chest that was like the last ember of a dying fire: barely there, but there nonetheless. And it was this warmth that drove me to make her mine.
I chased her with a fervent desire, an insatiable need to know her and have her. She was tantalizing to the eyes and a balm to the soul, and this only increased my efforts to claim her. I did everything within my power upon seeing her to learn what I could of her: her name, her school, her life. My efforts were fruitless, but I refused to give up. Instead, I doubled, tripled, my attempts.
And these renewed attempts paid off.
I got to know her. Steadily, a friendship grew. We talked and laughed and shared hour upon hour on the phone. She became my best friend, the one that could calm me, the one that could touch my heart, the one that could possibly mean the world to me. At the end of the day, hers was the face I saw when I closed my eyes. And it was her laughter and voice that rang through my dreams.
She became mine and my heart soared higher than I thought possible. If Cloud Nine was euphoria, then I was on Cloud Eleven. I had never known such a strong joy, one that could penetrate your very being all the way down to your soul. I felt happiness emanating from every pore. I saw life with different eyes, eyes that saw things with an optimistic tint. I became a soul that saw good in life, a soul that began to think that there was hope for this corrupted race after all. She became my everything and my world. I loved her with all that I was, and therefore she became my life. Everything revolved around her.
Now, suppose the sun left the solar system, what would happen to Earth? We would be without something to center ourselves upon and would fall into chaos, drifting into nothingness.
When our world together went into full tilt, I held onto her as if my life depended on it because to me it did. I fought to keep us together. I cried and begged and pleaded to make things right again. My pleas fell on deaf ears. The seven months together had come to an end, and right at the beginning of Christmas, too. I was left without a special someone to think of as the new year came in. More importantly, I was left without my world, my everything, my sun. I became a planet spinning into the cold darkness. Everything I had come to know was thrown into disarray. I was left shell-shocked.
Now, I cling to faint, fading memories of laughter and smiles. She no longer graces me with her voice or the honor of calling her friend. We are two souls that, once uniting as one, were torn apart at the seams. But things are never divided down the middle. No, she has managed to move on, to attempt in finding another someone to situate herself around. I, however, am left chaotically spinning, fighting to keep my broken soul in a semblance of together. My soul cries out for its other half, but there is no response. Just a lonely emptiness that has become my everything.
I am not a being that is infected with the most dangerous and deadly of all diseases. It is the disease of love. There is no cure for it, only ways to ease its effects as it takes over your body. This disease sneaks in without your knowing and sets up its home in your heart and soul. It is there that the pain resides. With each memory of your loved one, each laugh you two share, it drives its tentacles deeper, waiting for its moment. When things finally collide, it rips apart the heart and soul. You finally realize you have been infected, but by now it's too late. The damage has been done. You are in pieces. The worst part is that this disease never leaves. It is a terminal illness that slowly kills its victims. There is no escape. The damage can never be fully repaired. Sure, you can attempt to find someone else, but that only drives it back into hiding, leaving it to wait to strike yet again. So, take my advice, the advice of one who has been infected and is on her deathbed: do not fall for the siren call of love, for while it may appear beautiful, it is a disease designed to kill.
"Tiny curtains open and we heard the tiny clap of little handsModest Mouse says...
A tiny man would tell a little joke and get a tiny laugh from all the folks.
Sitting drifting around in bubbles and thinking it was us that carried them
when we finally got it figured out that we had truly missed the boat"