Re: Living Nightmare: Snow The Wolf's Story
Posted: May 11th, 2012, 10:00:32 am
The story seems so...usual. It's that ordinary wolf story about one pack and someone dies and such. Maybe you could do something to your story that makes it more unique.
Do you have a major plot planned out? Or will this just be adventures of a wolf pack? Do you see what I'm getting at?
Plus, your grammar is okay, but you need to put a "," or "." after someone has finished speaking. You always put an exclamation or question mark, but there always need to be some sort of grammar there. Example below.
You wrote this:
Here is my edited version.
I hope this criticism helped you. With a little more practice, your writing could be 10x more fantastic that it already is.
But I want to remind you one thing. You are a very good writer, but don't let that make you think you can't improve. There is always room for improvement.
Do you have a major plot planned out? Or will this just be adventures of a wolf pack? Do you see what I'm getting at?
Plus, your grammar is okay, but you need to put a "," or "." after someone has finished speaking. You always put an exclamation or question mark, but there always need to be some sort of grammar there. Example below.
You wrote this:
"I told you, Ashenon died. I'm sorry, Feather. I know that you loved him alot" Alanalia said in her "just a little bit" annoyed voice.
Here is my edited version.
(Also put 'a lot' in red since 'alot' isn't a word.)"I told you, Ashenon died. I'm sorry, Feather. I know that you loved him a lot," Alanalia said in her "just a little bit," annoyed voice.
I hope this criticism helped you. With a little more practice, your writing could be 10x more fantastic that it already is.
But I want to remind you one thing. You are a very good writer, but don't let that make you think you can't improve. There is always room for improvement.