Living Nightmare: Snow The Wolf's Story

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Re: Living Nightmare: Snow The Wolf's Story

Postby Dauntless » May 11th, 2012, 10:00:32 am

The story seems so...usual. It's that ordinary wolf story about one pack and someone dies and such. Maybe you could do something to your story that makes it more unique.

Do you have a major plot planned out? Or will this just be adventures of a wolf pack? Do you see what I'm getting at?

Plus, your grammar is okay, but you need to put a "," or "." after someone has finished speaking. You always put an exclamation or question mark, but there always need to be some sort of grammar there. Example below.

You wrote this:
"I told you, Ashenon died. I'm sorry, Feather. I know that you loved him alot" Alanalia said in her "just a little bit" annoyed voice.


Here is my edited version.

"I told you, Ashenon died. I'm sorry, Feather. I know that you loved him a lot," Alanalia said in her "just a little bit," annoyed voice.


(Also put 'a lot' in red since 'alot' isn't a word.)

I hope this criticism helped you. With a little more practice, your writing could be 10x more fantastic that it already is.

But I want to remind you one thing. You are a very good writer, but don't let that make you think you can't improve. There is always room for improvement.
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Re: Living Nightmare: Snow The Wolf's Story

Postby Mikanu270 » May 13th, 2012, 1:18:34 pm

Ah,I see.I'm just used to writing without the comma or period.I don't know why,I just started like that and now I'm used to it.I'll try to write the other way around.And yeah,I know alot isn't a word.I made a spelling mistake.Next time,I'll catch that mistake.Yep,I have a major plot thing.It starts off usual,since I don't want to start off with so much action and stuff,but it'll end up not normal at all.I can't write normal for too long,I just wanted to introduce some important characters and stuff like that.The next chapter is probably going to come today,but I'm not sure.I had something very important to do yesterday,so I couldn't write.
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