MagiStream

So i'm experimenting with raw poetry; words just spit out onto the screen, edited once for major errors, and posted just like that. I want to know what people think. Is it good? Do I need to edit anyway?
Comments? critiques? cucumbers? thanks! Here's my first one:

Silent

Spoiler

We stay silent in the night
When the cold chills our bones,
We are silent as the snow
As it whispers down and stills
Upon our shadow cloaks,
We shake the cold away
And as it falls, we stay.

Ware, death stalks us as we
Hunt the gentle prey.
Our brother at our shoulder
The warning, the reminder.
We are silent in the shadow
In the moonlight and blood
We stay silent, brother Death
We stay.

Yey another one :3
Promise

Spoiler

A sparkle glimpsed
Far and away
Who is it?
Coming to call
All around I see
Glimmers and glimpses
Of gold forgotten
It’s worthless now
Diamonds adorn the throat of a woman
Who lies pale and still and cold
And flame licks her body
But the diamonds sparkle and glimmer
They hold the fire
Burn blue forever
Turn the urn
Into a thing of beauty
A sparkle glimpsed
Close at hand
Just on this side of life
A burning reminder
A glimmering promise
Who is it?
Coming to call

gosh that one was about death too. i promise i'm not this morbid all the time.

this one is happier:
Rain song

Spoiler

Rain plunks me on the head
But I look down instead
To watch my feet trade places on my way.
These are dancing feet.
These are happy feet.
Though soggy, pruned, and chilled
They scatter unfortunate puddles
And sing to the whisper of the rain.

My muse sure hit me over the head with this one. Again, unedited except for punctuation and spelling. Enjoy!
The Finest Things in Life

Spoiler

Music in the making
Listen close, and hear
The finest melody
Sung for the finest ear.
Still, be still, and wait,
Patient for that shyest strain
Beauty in its purest form
Never to be heard again.
Simple, profound
This boundless life we find
Such a lovely sound
Innocent and kind.
What mystery we seek
And do not understand
The finest things in life are meek
Lowly and unplanned.

I'm gonna put another one just cuz
This is a bit of a message to myself since I tend to stress about things.

Spoiler

Let go and let the water
Wash over your hurts and pains.
It is a wonderful life,
Just keep an eye out for the miracles.
Hold the rainbows close
To your heart and don’t ever
Take them for granted.

Happy New Year
May all your days be filled with sunshine
Your nights with pleasant dreams
May all your memories be good
And your heart filled with glad tidings

Wow! These are really nice, I love the ideas. Keep up the ceativity

haha I can't believe someone actually commented! thank you

Thought I'd put one up that I just wrote and kinda like. Dunno what it means but whatever. Enjoy

Spoiler

Show me where
And who
Even when
But please
Please
Don't show me why
I'm fixed on the why
I'm repaired for why
In rain or in shine
I must know why.

Words work to give just enough
Of decent dissent
To let us down slowly
We fall
Heels up over our heads
Into whosoever and wherefore
And thee and thou and though
We may knot no why lies alight
We strain for this peace
Which eludes
Alludes to
Mannerly butlers and well-oiled doors.

You ask not to ask
You feel like nothing
And nowhere
And no-how
But please, dear sense
Keep your change
And don't ask why.

You're really good! Or maybe, it's be more rational to say, I love the way your mind works! I always enjoy doing this type of poetry, since my friends are good with real 'formated' poems, I prefer the explosion of randmoness that somehow comes together with a deeper meaning... Keep it up!

Shadows sent forth from oblivion and destruction descend to Earth so that they may thrive in our dark, grow in our hate, and become powerful through our pity. Such human emotions are the perfect place for the creatures tainted with malice and scorn to reside. They have no sense of consiousness, only the primal urge to kill. After all, that's what they were bred to do. Some can take on an actual form, such as the monster under your bed or in your closet. Others act on your emotions, spiting those that anger you. Most stay dormant though, deep within your body, as if they were a parasite, eating you inside and out. But, of course, you're born with it, you'll die with it. When you die, the demon merely finds another host. Oh well. It's not like our bodies can sustain them forever, you know. They will eventually consume all of our hearts.

I write poems myself and they are all really great, but I like the "Promise" one the best I like fantasy a lot and kind of reminds me of the one I wrote in a good way.

funnyMONKEY wrote:You're really good! Or maybe, it's be more rational to say, I love the way your mind works! I always enjoy doing this type of poetry, since my friends are good with real 'formated' poems, I prefer the explosion of randmoness that somehow comes together with a deeper meaning... Keep it up!

Thank you! And i know what you mean, I love explosions of randomness too

@Shizuo - What an interesting concept. It would make a fascinating story if it were written out. Thank you for sharing

@worldshaper - Thanks :3