Oceane Luminescence Cafe

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aurora37
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Post by aurora37 »

Some poems I wrote...I'd love some feedback, please!

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Hello, fellow Magi, and welcome to my Poetry Cafe! Here you can find all sorts of poems I've written. I welcome feedback of all kinds: suggestions for improvement, compliments, criticism, etc, etc, etc. Most of all, I hope you'll enjoy reading these as much as I've enjoyed writing them.

Enjoy!

Contents
Spoiler
  • Untitled
    Made He-Made She
    Autumn II (Haiku)
    The Wild Is Calling
    Tankas
    Cinquains
    Hope
    Music
    That Little Drop (The Water Cycle)
    A Poem Insulting War
    Autumn I
    How Shall The Little Lark Sing


UNTITLED NEW!
(Anyone interested in helping me name this?)
Spoiler
Tall, skinny palms shoot up from the sand
Amongst the crooked coconut trees.
Woosh! Splash! goes the mighty ocean
And wave after wave crashes onto the beach.

Watch as your footprints in the white-gold sand
Are swept away by the azure sea.
Do you feel it, the call of the ocean?
See how the white-foamed waves are pulling you in?

The golden light of the shinning sun --
Bright white rays 'neath the turquoise waters.
Illuminating the many reefs of coral,
The shimmering scales of the swimming fishes.

Suddenly, a wall of water pushes you back,
As if the ocean objects to your presence.
And yet the midnight blue shadows ahead
Seems mysterious and inviting, as if daring you to return.


MADE HE-MADE SHE NEW!
Spoiler
Made he the wide and boundless seas
Their rolling waves, their white bubbling foam
'Neath where the eerie light shone upon
Creatures that swam in the deep blue seas.

Made she the shadowy forests green
Their leafy shades, their rich brown soil
Upon which walked creatures both big and small
Where birds sang from their perches in the tall trees green.

Made he the radiant sun of the day
Its golden rays, its brilliant warmth
That shone upon the ever-spinning earth
Shedding life-feeding light all through the day.

Made she the lucent moon of the night
Its silver beams, its luminous glow
That shone brighter than the twinkling stars
Lighting the way for those who travel in the night.

Made he the dry and waterless deserts
Their grains of sand, their few green plants
Where the days were hot and shades were few
Yet the nights were cold in the merciless deserts.

Made she the icy poles of the north and south
Their lethal cold waters, their shinning white snow
Where little warmth could be seldom found
Yet still survived the northern white bears and birds of the south.


AUTUMN II(Haiku) NEW!
Spoiler
Far away, the mountains --
Once dark green, now patched with colors:
Autumn's red, gold, brown.


THE WILD IS CALLING NEW!
Spoiler
The Wild is calling, calling...
Whispering through the branches of willows
Singing in the sweet birdsong
Roaring with the blue ocean waves
The Wild is calling, calling...


TANKAS
Spoiler
Beautiful autumn:
Of reds, like the sky at dawn;
Of browns, rich as earth's soil;
Of golds, bright as rays of sun:
Beautiful autumns.

Wisps of soft breezes
Carry red-gold leaves far away
Leaves from maple trees
Of chestnut trunks, deep roots,
And golden crowns of leaves.

A fork of lightning
White as December snow
Bright as moonlight
Splits the silent night sky,
A sudden light in the darkness.

Shells and footprints
In the golden sand
By the blue sea
A wave comes and sweeps them far
Leaving naught but sand, but sea.


CINQUAINS
Spoiler
White mare
With snowy mane
And gray coat like silver;
Serenely beautiful, 'neath the
Moonlight.

Green grass
In the meadow:
Its fresh scent fills the air.
Fragrance of flowers here and there,
So sweet.

Sunrise:
Gold streaking o're
Night of ebony black,
Stars disappearing as the sun
Arrives.

Sunset:
End of this day,
Stars begin to twinkle,
Moon rising to announce the start
Of night.

Forest
Of the tallest
Trees to ever grow here,
Trees reaching to the blue sky
Above.

Flowers,
Colorful and
Sweet, their strong aroma
Filling the air, while busy bees
Make haste.

Rage flames,
Burns like a fire,
A dance of madness, as
Flames of wrath twirl desperately, full
Of rage.

Stormy
Clouds filling the
Valley between mountains,
A sign that storms approach, storms of
Thunder.

The room
Of many tomes:
Books new and old; ah, so
Many books! A library of
Treasures!

Silver
Streaks across the
Starry night sky; silver
Shooting through the darkness, amidst
The stars.

Teardrop
Like a pearl,
Pure and shinning. The tear
Of an abandoned love, full of
Sadness.

Wind chime
Chiming, chiming
A sound like silver bells
Tinkling, tinkling, in the breeze of
Autumn.


HOPE
Spoiler
Hope is the moonlight
That shines on a starless night.
Hope is the birdsong
That sings away all thoughts of wrong.
Hope is the rustling of leaves
That whispers words of wisdom in the breeze.
Hope is the language shared by all
That which can break through the mightiest walls.
Hope.

Hope is the the thing that flies
With feathers soft, in the skies.
Hope is the thing that survives
With thoughts of joy, as our spirits soar high.
Hope is the thing that sings
With a language fair, a voice that rings.
Hope is the thing that dreams
With pictures and words, so by all means,
Hope.

Hope when your life is darkened by plight,
For hope shall show you the light.
Hope when you are trapped without escape,
For hope shall help you leave unscathed.
Hope when you are alone and without a friend,
For hope shall show that it is not the end.
Hope even when you have lost all hope,
For hope is something that cannot be lost; after all, it is
Hope.


MUSIC
Spoiler
A sound of love.
A sound of light.
A sound of peace.
A sound of right.
A sound of joy.
A sound of might.
Music.

The birdsong in the forest,
That does not cease with the fall of night.
The chorus of children at school,
Who sing with their hearts joyous and light.
The wind chime in the garden,
That rings when a breeze blows by.
Music.

A language shared by all,
One that can break through any wall.
A weapon so mighty,
It can stop the siege of a city.
A way of life, of love
Sung even by the birds that fly in the sky above.
Music.

That which has been with us
Since our history began.
That which can save us,
Stop a battering ram.
That which is perceived in different ways, by us:
Sea waves crashing upon the shore, or the coarse songs of a man.
Music.


THAT LITTLE DROP/THE WATER CYCLE
Spoiler
Lightning flashes across the sky
All is quiet on this night.
Yet a roar of thunder breaks the stillness,
As the clouds awake, and the skies turn starless.

A drop of water splatters on the roof
Slowly it disappears, replaced by yet another, as if to prove
That water had been here, and would not be wiped away
As the sun would been with the change from night to day.

Now more drops fall
Soon they cover all:
The plants in the garden, the hood of the car
Drops of rain leaving their watery marks.

Lightning flashes overhead again
Thunder roars as more and more rain
Is released and the clouds are relieved of their burdens,
The water gathered from the mighty blue oceans.

A drop of water falls into the river
As the rain falls fast, the drop flows, together,
Merging with the river, flowing out of the woods
Towards a place where rain does not yet beat on the roofs.

Out it flowed, the river wide
To a place where no clouds yet covered the sky.
And there the river passed below
A canopy of leaves; then, Lo! Behold!

Behold the mighty ocean,
Of blue waves always in motion:
Gently rolling on the sand,
Here are the seas---never to be tamed by any man!

And now the river trickled to a little stream
Passing slowly beneath the trees, unseen
And bathed in the silver light of the moon
Returned to the seas were her watery boon.

And the drop of rain merged with the great blue sea
And it saw the creatures swimming proud and free.
It felt the embrace of the ocean waves
As it joined the ocean in a blue, watery haze.

As the morning came
And chased away the rain
The sun began to shine
As the clouds hid behind---

Behind the tall mountains, capped with snow
And as the sun shone brightly it did so
Knowing that the bounty of the seas---
The droplets of water, as rain then river---had been returned, and was there for all to see.

Yet the little droplets, once of rain, river, and now seawater,
Felt a strange sensation as it became one of the vapors
One of the invisible vapors of the air, and up it went
Back to the skies, to the clouds already gray with a little hint

A hint of the rainstorms that were to come
Of the water that would fall through the months;
The water that would soon return
To the mighty ocean; and those, like that little drop, who must await their turn.


A POEM INSULTING WAR
Spoiler
As soldiers fight,
Children play,
Yet bombs from the sky
Fall and ruin the day.

The sunlight shines, yet it is no longer warm
The smiles are forced, not true and happy.
In the army camp there is lots of shouting,
Fore the soldiers are drunk and the generals are crabby.

Fighting day and night,
The citizens get little rest.
The bombs give off lights of terror
As the moon watches, full of sorrow.

For the houses are ruined,
Streets devastated,
Families torn apart,
Oh, we're in such a horrible state!

War is not the solution.
Please, change your decision.
And by doing so, the soldiers may go
Back to their waiting families, and see their loved ones dear.

No more fighting, no more dying.
All that remains, are families around the hearth.
With wars and battles down the drain,
May peace forever on Earth remain.


AUTUMN I

Spoiler
The wind blew and blew
The pears and apples grew.
Red, gold, and brown,
The maple leaves
Fell to the ground
Drifting with the sweet autumn breeze
With leaves of bright
Red, gold, and brown.


HOW SHALL THE LITTLE LARK SING NEW!
Spoiler
How shall the little lark sing
If the tree where it perches has been felled?
And the shadowy forests, once mighty and green
Now but a barren land, void of trees, for they have been felled.

Of what shall the little lark sing
If the silver streams no longer run?
And the rivers of water, where salmons once swam
Now but a place of rocks to which no bears run.

To what shall the little lark sing
If the plants and animals have all been destroyed?
And their ancestral homes-the forests, the rivers
Now but a place where noisy humans do but destroy.
Last edited by aurora37 on November 3rd, 2011, 7:14:02 pm, edited 30 times in total.
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aurora37
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

Post by aurora37 »

Hm...I think this needs a bump :wave:
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deweesek
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

Post by deweesek »

You're really good!!!
BUNNIES
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aurora37
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

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deweesek wrote:You're really good!!!
Thank you! <3 :wave:
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

Post by Ceres »

That's fantastic! I especially like the Tankas and the one about hope ^_^
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aurora37
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

Post by aurora37 »

Thank yous to both. <3 :wave:

THAT LITTLE DROP/THE WATER CYCLE added
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

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A POEM INSULTING WAR added :wave:
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

Post by rainswings »

i is in love with a poem insulting war
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

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rainswings wrote:i is in love with a poem insulting war
thank you <3
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Re: A few poems...would love any feedback!

Post by aurora37 »

AUTUMN I posted ("I" as there's probably going to be more about Autumn-it's my favorite season, you see).
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