We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

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We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Phoenixwildfire » February 8th, 2011, 5:58:14 pm

zomg Phoenix wrote a poem :woo:

I never do, but while making the crest of the Lightscribe lineage, this popped into my head-


High in the mountains,
where the snow never melts;
run along the icists
with their snowy frosty pelts.
We are the Lightscribe,
We live among the frost.
We are the Lightscribe,
our magi became lost.

We have’t seen our friend
for many, many years.
All us Icists know
of the human’s tears.
We are the Lightscribe,
we search among the snow
We are the Lightscribe,
No one will ever know.

Eyes of ice, hair of sun,
She traveled to the west.
She met a man among the ice,
who never gave her rest.
We laugh at him, he was so vain-
He did not know our magi.
before too long enemies
quickly became allies.

We are the Lightscribe,
We search for our friend.
We are the Lightscribe
Until the bitter end.
Last edited by Phoenixwildfire on February 9th, 2011, 9:09:38 am, edited 1 time in total.


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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby freakazoid » February 8th, 2011, 6:20:51 pm

*thinks that MagiStream needs a 'like' button*
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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Lunaheart » February 8th, 2011, 8:20:10 pm

Magistream DEFININTLY needs a like button!! lol. I tottaly agree.

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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Phoenixwildfire » February 8th, 2011, 10:33:06 pm

thanks guys, I'm glad you like it! ^___^


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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Destrauxe » February 8th, 2011, 10:56:45 pm

I like it lots.
^_^ :angel: :D
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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Kestrad » February 8th, 2011, 11:18:01 pm

Hm, allow me to provide some critiquing among all the applause you are getting?

phoenixwildfire wrote:All us Icist know
of the human’s tears.


That sentence sounds a bit awkward. Perhaps because it should be "we," not us. And should "Icist" be "Icists"?

The meter and the rhyme in the last three lines of the second to last stanza also sounds a bit forced. For example, the rhyme of "allies" to "magi" doesn't work very well because the stress for "allies" is on the first syllable. And the final two lines of that stanza don't have the same rhythmic ring as the ending lines of the other stanzas.
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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Destrauxe » February 8th, 2011, 11:57:36 pm

we icists sounds a bit weird to me personally.
Not all poems hold a constant rythm either.
I disagree with Kestrad, but thats just me...
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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Phoenixwildfire » February 9th, 2011, 12:30:18 am

Well the last line with allies was broken on purpose :3

I mean... using the singular- 'ally' sound strange when talking about two people?

I suppose I could change 'enemies' to 'enemy' as well, but there's the same problem. :tard:

But yes- it's supposed to be Icists for that part <3 thank you!


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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby SeaCrest » February 9th, 2011, 8:54:21 pm

*squishyhugs* Me like :)

We should suggest that - a 'like' button :P
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Re: We are the Lightscribe (an Avalon/Lineage poem)

Postby Lunaheart » February 11th, 2011, 10:11:42 pm

Wait....then I would like alot of things...Luna on a 'like' rampage....oh well!!! XD

Luna likes this poem!!!

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