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Re: The Wandering Ice Dragon*Chapter 4 up*

Posted: January 6th, 2011, 4:56:22 pm
by Uprising
Chapter 5
Spoiler
I let out an increature shriek and exploded into a pile of snow, a few snowflakes falling down aside my iciness. The Magi briskly trots in and stops in front of me, and stares down at the snowpile. At me.

"Relax. I'm not going to hurt you." His voice is rough, and has a bit of a growl in it. I wait a few seconds before I whirl into my true form, my ice dragon form.

"Your not?"

The Magi ignored my simple question and said, "I can understand creatures. I don't know why. Born with it, maybe."

I say nothing, drinking in this information and the Magi's features. He looked young, and wore a green cloak. I couldn't see the rest of his clothes. He had dark hair that reached to his eartips and got in the way of his blue eyes. He had a scar on his cheek.

He seemed nice enough, but I wasn't going to take any chances. "Then what are you going to do to me?"

"Nothing."

I had planned to flee. Attack. I hadn't planned this though. We sit in awkward silence until the Dodo Bird says, "I am his companion. His name is Ejol, and my name's Meeshikal. But call me Meesh."

"Well, I'm Snow Angel." I reply. Ejol just nods and shifts from foot to foot.

More awkward silence.

I hear thudding outside, and Ejol grabs me by the wing and whisks me under his green cloak, and whispers, "Don't move or speak."

I hear footsteps, and a voice.

"Ejol, you find somethin'?"

Re: The Wandering Ice Dragon*Chapter 5 up*

Posted: January 6th, 2011, 5:05:33 pm
by Lunaheart
Ooooo! Really good! Can't wait for more! <3

Re: The Wandering Ice Dragon*Chapter 5 up*

Posted: January 11th, 2011, 5:41:40 pm
by Uprising
Chapter 6:
Spoiler
Ejol shook his head casually, and called out, "No such luck, Agel. You'd be better off elsewhere. Take the other Magi and look somewhere else. I'll meet up with you guys. Meesh is looking for fish in here, for some idiotic reason."

When the other Magi left, Ejol whispered, "That was close." He allowed me out of his robe and I am blinded by green for a moment before I step out. For now, there is only one question, and Meesh asks it.

"How do we get Snow out of here without Agel and the other Magi noticing? She could probably turn into snow, but she needs to get out of here now and I'd think you were pretty strange if you were carrying a pile of snow."

Ejol had a worried expression on his face. "I only have one plan, and I have no idea if it will work."

"What is it?" I ask impatiently.

Ejol gets us to huddle.

Let me tell you one thing; I hate this plan.

***
"AGEL! I found a Ice Dragon!" Immediately Agel was there. Perfect. It was all going to plan.

Ejol and Agel pin me down, and Agel puts a muzzle around my mouth, binds my wings and claws together, and tosses me in a cage. Ejol grabs my cage and shakes it roughly, and laughs, "Want to show that thing who's boss." And Agel laughs along. But I can tell that it hurts Ejol to do this. More than it hurts me, when I'm bound together and I can't speak and I'm being shook around like a pile of junk. So it takes a lot to be hurt more than that.

***
I am drowsy and hungry, and we aren't even halfway there yet. We are on a Celestial Dragon who doesn't speak at all and I am being held securely by Ejol in my oh-so-comfy-cage. Agel grabs a peice of meat suddenly, sprays something on it, and Ejol looks concerned suddenly. Before anyone can react though, Agel yanks the cage door open and takes off the muzzle, and shoves the meat down my throat. When I swallow, I am knocked out instantly.

So much for a great plan.

Re: The Wandering Ice Dragon*Chapter 5 up*

Posted: January 12th, 2011, 2:16:37 pm
by PossessedFae
I really like this story. <3

May I suggest something though? Your story seems a little formal - especially in the dialogue. This makes the characters seem flat and unrealistic. Try using more common words and not the "stiff, polite" ones.

Re: The Wandering Ice Dragon*Chapter 5 up*

Posted: January 12th, 2011, 2:37:33 pm
by Uprising
Deathmaster wrote:I really like this story. <3

May I suggest something though? Your story seems a little formal - especially in the dialogue. This makes the characters seem flat and unrealistic. Try using more common words and not the "stiff, polite" ones.
I'll try to; thanks for the suggestion. :wave: