An Untitled Manuscript [pkmn]

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Arretez
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An Untitled Manuscript [pkmn]

Post by Arretez »

I currently can't think of a title for this thing. It's probably better to name it once I'm on a roll anyway.

Would greatly like some critiques on my writing because I have not done creative writing in a very, very long time (yay, college). Please PM these to me; it'd be much appreciated.

----
  • Chapter One
    Abandonment


    The rickety bed squeaked as the adolescent boy flopped upon it. His family had moved to this quiet, old mountain village a few months ago, but it felt like nothing had really changed. Here he was, once again delegated to preparing meals and keeping the house spotless, while his mother and sister spent the day strolling through town. Oddly enough, he had been forbidden by his mother from leaving the house.

    Outside his window, a few black-and-white birds squabbled and fought over some insignificant twig. One squealed loudly in distaste then took off, leaving the other two behind to relish in their victory.

    Brandon muttered a curse. It was only noon and he was expected to remain home the entire day? For weeks on end? He didn’t really care that he lived in the largest house in town, or why four people required such a mansion. And with all the chores he had to do, he already knew the place like the back of his hand. It was only fun for his little sister, still stuck in the 5-year-old mentality of playing hide-and-seek. He wanted out of here: to get to know his neighbors, make some friends, and learn about the od creatures that wandered through the town. They were animals he had never truly seen before in his life. The stout, magpie-like birds, the oddly blue puffballs that drifted by his window like dandelion seeds, strange purple cat that liked to catch the birds and the puffballs... What were these weird animals? The questions he tried to ask his parents were immediately deflected as they resumed to talking about business. He amounted to nothing in this family apparently.

    “LAAANDOOON!!”

    Ah… The shrill shriek that announced the return of his mother and brat sibling. What brought them home so early?

    His feet stumbled over each other as he scrambled out of his room and down the stairs. Just at the bottom stood his mother with a rather crude-looking lady. THe stranger was dressed in very outdoor-sy attire, khaki vest and pants each with multiple pockets, and a navy blue t-shirt underneath. A shocking sight really, for the sheltered boy.

    “Professor Willow, this is my son, Brandon,” said his mother. “Brandon, this is Professor Willow.”

    He nodded in the Professor’s direction. “Good afternoon.”

    “Brandon,” the Professor spoke. Her voice was rather cheery, despite her ruffled-looking appearance, with an uplifting attitude that immediately boosted Brandon’s spirits. “I--”

    “Boy, quit the smiling. She hasn’t said anything you need to laugh about,” his mother interrupted. Her voice, in contrast to the Professor’s, was curt and grating, almost like she was developing smoker’s rash.

    Brandon started: “Mother, I wasn--”

    “SILENCE!” She interrupted again.

    “Mrs. Clarke, it’s perfectly fine. He--”

    “NO, it is absolutely NOT fine! Brandon is always a terrible boy and wants nothing but to stay home and leach off of his parents!” Mrs. Clarke was screaming now. Professor Willow had a rather bewildered look on her face and Brandon had turned his head away to study the speck of dirt that had been tracked in from the front door.

    “Very well. I’ll accept your request. Brandon can come with me for the time being while you figure out what your future plans are. Is that all right?”

    “Yes! Take him!” Brandon jumped backward as the manic woman jabbed her finger into his chest.

    You. Are. The. Most. Worthless. Boy. Ever.”

    His head only drooped and a sigh left his lungs. It was only a matter of time before his mother said some negative nonsense to him. Forget the fact that he was the reason her house was always tidy or that she had food to eat every day.

    Brandon whispered something to the hysterical woman before grabbing Brandon’s arm and hauling him out the door.

    *****

    Upon leaving the house, Brandon felt the fresh breeze alight on his bare skin, tickling and soothing the pale, underexposed flesh. Freshness filled his lungs. This felt so much better than the stale air in the house! The sun’s rays warmed his skin so nicely, like a gentle blanket enveloping him. Birdsong, street life… all the sounds came to life. Odd, how sounds he’d originally thought irritating were now music to his ears.

    The flowers on the other side of the road danced and swayed to the wind’s music. A sweet fragrance whiffed into his nose; someone’s home-made cooking? It certainly was a whole other league than his attempt at meal-making. He could taste the smell of turkey on his tongue.

    Oh, wait. Brandon turned to gaze sheepishly at Professor Willow, who only blinked. She grabbed his arm and pulled him towards a horse-pulled carriage.

    Except… that didn’t look like any normal horse. While it’s main body was white, the mane and tail blazed with reds and oranges and yellows. The air grew steadily hotter as the two drew near.

    “Professor… y-your horse is on fire,” a startled Brandon stammered.

    “Horse? This is my Ponyta-- ohhh,” Professor Willow paused. “You don’t have Pokemon where you come from, do you?”

    “Pokemon? What’s that?”

    Could that be the name of the weird animals I’ve been seeing outside? Brandon thought. It was an odd name to umbrella over all these unrealistic-looking creatures.

    “You’ve certainly been in that house for too long,” Willow muttered.

    “Come, I’ll take you to my lab. Hop into the wagon; we’ll talk on the way.”


    Pokemon, according to Professor Willow, were animals with unique abilities--a definition that had made very little sense to Brandon. Didn’t all animals have something unique about them? Tigers and zebras their stripes, giraffes had their extended necks, dogs barked, cats meowed. He would understand more, she had said, when they reached her field office.

    They stopped in front of a small cabin just on the outskirts of town. The whole thing was made of wood, unlike the brick mansion he had just left. The warm browns and reds made the whole place feel welcoming, like welcoming an old friend home. An assistant came out to unharness the Ponyta and bring it into the pastures behind the cabin.

    “My husband and I study the roles of Pokemon in the wild, how different species interact and how climate and ecosystem affects that. To do that, I need to have places I can stay and perform my studies in. My field offices do that for me.” Professor Willow gestured in the direction of the house. “This one is my favorite.”

    She ushered Brandon in.

    “WOLF!”

    Brandon shrieked and scrambled back out the door when a large brown canine lunged towards them, barking ferociously. Beside him, Prof. Willow was laughing hysterically. The wolf only stood

    “How…?” Apparently ferocious animals in his homeland could be easily tamed in this Pokemon world.

    “This is a Lycanroc,” she introduced. “She lives higher up in the mountains, but she’s taken to sneaking into my field office for food. It’s become a bit of a problem, which is why I’m currently stationed here.”

    “Is she’s not the only one doing this?” Brandon asked.

    “Correct,” Prof. Willow affirmed. A rush of warmth enveloped Brandon. He hadn't heard something like that in a long time. “It’s not just this Lycanroc either. Many of the Pokemon in these mountains have been coming closer and closer to human settlement for food, and that’s beginning to cause unrest among the humans.

    “The Pokemon used to stay within the bounds of the wilderness and left the town pretty much alone. There used to be so many Pokemon around here, which is why my field office is so close to town. But now we have to walk for miles to catch even a glimpse of one.

    “But don’t worry about it just now,” she continued. “Even if we don’t do anything, nature will run its course. I just hope I can help them recover from whatever happened.”

    *****

    Brandon spent the remainder of the day helping Prof. Willow set out plates of food for the slowly growing group of creatures. He had begun learning each of the different kinds of Pokemon, except there were so many he could barely remember a single name. There were… Pinecones? Meows? Bunnybee? He was very certain none of those names were right; they sounded too ridiculous.

    Once they were finished, and Prof. Willow had confirmed that he could stay in the field house under her supervision, the two humans settled down for their dinner. Then once mealtime was over, it was time to prepare for bed. Prof. Willow had found an extra cot he could sleep on. It felt awkward, sleeping next to a woman he had met just hours before, but her loud snoring put him to rest and he soon dozed off to sleep.
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fmabse
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Re: An Untitled Manuscript [pkmn]

Post by fmabse »

Good job with this! I really hope you continue this work. Brandon's character is really well-thought out and I love how you manage to show his character instead of telling us, that's really good. <3 I can't wait to see what he gets up to now that he's away from his family and helping out Professor Willow <3
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