Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

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Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby Akadia » June 11th, 2012, 6:10:23 pm

I'm trying my hand at writing, so I decided to do my Keep story. This will be my first story. Comments and/or constructive criticism is very appreciated :3

Chapters and Stuff~
~Prologue
~Chapter One
~Chapter Two
~Chapter Three

~Prologue~

"The aura in her is so strong, I can feel it. Please Syazair, don't be ignorant. I know you can feel it, too."

The woman looked distastefully at the other person in the humid tent. His ragged clothing and wild graying hair gave the wrong impression to most people. But as much as the woman hated his appearance, she knew what lay beneath the barbaric outside. The man called Syazair glared at the woman, then leaned closer to her.

"If you really want to send her to the... the Keep, then do it, Roxanne. She's not mine anymore," Syazair harshly whispered into her ear. Roxanne narrowed her eyes at the man and gave him a short nod. The elder flicked his wrist, dismissing the other person. She sighed and pushed open the tent flap, the dawning sun greeting her outside. Roxanne could see the other tribe members heading inside their own tents, and the tribe warriors getting ready for a night hunt. She entered her own tent and smiled at the sight of her baby girl sleeping soundly in the cloth hammock, or what was left of it.

Roxanne searched for the leather flask of milk for the baby, but she found something else; the little vanil shaa hatchling was pawing through her ones of the bags, and rolling out was an apple she had only bought this morning. The shaa was about to grab the apple when it noticed her master was glaring at her. It lowered its floppy ears and whined softly, knowing it might get in trouble. Roxanne picked up the apple and placed it back in the bag, then tied it up tightly.

"Go on back to your bed," she said to the shaa. It obediently trotted over to the makeshift 'bed', which was just a small hole in the sand in another corner of the tent. After a few more minutes of searching for that flask, she gave up and sighed. The baby will have to stay hungry for now. The woman peeked outside the tent to see that the Sun had finally gave up the sky to Night; the moon was peeking over the horizon and the stars dimly dotted the sky with feeble light.

It was time.

Roxanne headed back into the tent and fumbled over all the junk in the tent for a spare basket. She would've planned this earlier, but that encounter with the elderman left her mind swirling and her emotions clashing. The woman still can believe she was doing this, but it was for her own good, right?

If Syazair won't listen to me, he'll have to listen to her.

She went over to her daughter and gently settled her into the basket, lightly placing her blanket over her. Tears were silently streaming down Roxanne face by now; she couldn't hold it in any longer. She whistled softly for the shaa hatchling to come and follow. The woman could see the blue jewel, faintly glowing in the dark, moving toward her. Roxanne poked her head out the tent. Seeing as no one was out there, nor the warriors were back from that hunt, she slipped out of the tent with basket in hand and the little hatchling trotting behind. Roxanne came up to one of the tent she believed to be her sister's and before she slid it into the tent, she placed a single envelope labeled, For my darling daughter when ready.

"My daughter, I will always love you, no matter if I'm on this world, or the... the Sun Goddess's Realm. Don't forget that, my baby." And with those few quiet words hanging heavily in the air, she slowly slid the basket into the tent, the last time she would see her daughter, or so she believed. The shaa hatchling looked up at it's master, puzzled. Roxanne nudged the hatchling into the tent and with a small yelp, it vanished into the tent.

"Goodbye, my baby," Roxanne whispered. She glanced around the village of tents, checking if anyone was out there. She soon saw little orange dots in the distance advancing quickly to the village.

Torches.

The warriors were coming.

She had to leave fast. Roxanne rushed back into her tent and grabbed her black-hooded cloak. She quickly put it on, now hearing faint voices in the distance. She headed around to the village's little barn, where they kept most the magical creatures they found or raised. Her kitsune was waiting for her at the entrance, its amber eyes staring at her intently. It almost seemed... amused. Roxanne motioned it to follow. They ran away from the village, heading for Voltar; leaving all of the burdens and memories back at the little village on the outskirts of the Etain Desert.

~

It might not make any sense (well, it is the prologue :) ) and probably might not follow Magistream lore; remember, this is my first story xD But anyway, as I said before, comments/constructive criticism is very appreciated :3
Last edited by Akadia on August 6th, 2012, 4:23:16 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby AlexAvalanch » June 26th, 2012, 2:20:17 pm

This is good! Keep writing.
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Re: Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby Lunaheart » June 26th, 2012, 4:44:31 pm

Very nicely done. I like how you introduced some of the characters, and I liked how you gave them some personality within the prologue. I would like to read more.

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Re: Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby Akadia » July 4th, 2012, 10:15:00 pm

Thank you guys for the comments, they are appreciated ^^ I should have put this up a long while ago, but I got lazy ^^; Er, so here's Chapter One :derp:


~Chapter 1~

"Somebody is late again," said a sarcastic voice. The elderly man looked down at his late student. The girl probably thought he would pity her, just like the rest of them. But somebody had to give her a few hard knocks.

"I'm sorry, wise and intelligent elder. Please excuse my discourtesy." The girl mumbled, her brown, curly hair drifting over her face.

"Don't be late again, Akadia. It's your fifth time. I presume you do this with your other mentors, too?"

Akadia said nothing. This part of the day was the worst, and she hated coming here. Akadia didn't even know why her grandfather chose him to teach her in the ways of writing. She knew the symbols and a few words; that was fine with her. It's not like she'll do anything with her life. Clothweaving was her destiny. She wouldn't need writing to weave.

Malktram rubbed his temples. She was definitely a very timid girl; a kind of student he hadn't in a while. So, he tried a different approach.

"Akadia. Being late shows you're not, er, responsible," he said in a gentler voice, "And I want you to be responsible. Please be on time tomorrow."

The girl was a bit surprised by his words. They were gentle, and very unlike her mentor's true attitude.

She glared at him.

"Okay, let's get started. There's the parchment and quill. Your name and all the symbols in order this time, mind you. Go."

Akadia picked up the quill and positioned it until it felt somewhat comfortable. She slowly dipped it in the murky ink, swirling it for a few seconds before pressing the tip on the parchment. Akadia decided to start with the symbols, so she shakily wrote out the first one. She looked at it distastefully. Thousands of attempts at the symbols, and no progress.

Reading comes easily, so why can't writing?

The girl crumpled the parchment up and pushed it off to the side on the little desk; much to Malktram's surprise. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it when his student got up and simply left the tent.

He took the writing supplies and stored it away back in a basket.

Akadia headed for the large tent where they held all the village's creatures. Her mind was swirling with very different emotions. Frustration and anger overcame her, and she could feel tears coming to her eyes. Akadia pulled her cloak over her head and pushed open the tent flap. Today wasn't going to be a good day.

She searched for her shaa in the mass of creatures, and soon enough, she was plopped down in the sand right next to the shaa. Tears were streaming from her face, and she just broke down. Akadia was used to this; she came here often when she was frustrated, or angry. Her shaa offered comfort in her knowing eyes.

"Khepra, you should have seen Malktram when I left..." Akadia explained to her shaa after she had calmed down a bit. Suddenly, a new voice sounded through the air.

"Skipping class again, Aka? Tsk, tsk, I thought you knew better."

She looked up to see one of the keeper boys, Lyon, staring amusingly at her. She should have known that he was here, taking care of the various creatures. Akadia bit her lip and blushed; embarrassed by the sudden confrontation. She was the tiniest bit sweet on this particular boy, but she would never tell anyone that.

Thank the Sun Goddess he didn't see her cry.

"Um..." Akadia didn't know how to respond, as this was one of the few times she had actually talked with him. Most of the other times she had been with him was when she was taking care of Khepra and he was helping her in silence.

"Aren't you, um... supposed to be taking care of the, er, creatures?" She stuttered. Her heart pounded so fast, she was sure it was about to burst. Akadia could feel her cheeks turning a deep shade of crimson, so she slowly put her hood back up.

Lyon merely shrugged. She admired his laid-back attitude, which was a trait she didn't have.

"Well, um, I have to... go now," Akadia muttered and she patted Khepra once, whispering a quick, "I'll see you later," before she got up and left the tent.

Akadia pushed open the tent flap and stumbled into Misri, one of the richer, and snottier, girls in their village, along with her group of minions. Her father is one of the council members, and a well-respected merchant for their tribe.

"Um, excuse me?! Don't you low-life peasant girls ever learn manners?" Akadia was used to this. Occasional bullying occured between the poorer and the richer children of the village; it was, well, normal.

Akadia glared at the girl. So much anger and frustration welled up inside her. After the past events today, she wasn't in the mood for this. Or maybe she had woke up on the wrong side of the hammock.

"What'cha gonna do, Akadia? Go crying to your mommy? Oh, wait, didn't she abandon you?" Misri put on her little devil smile, while her friends laughed hysterically, huh, like it was actually funny. Akadia's mother was a sensitive subject, and Misri sure loved mentioning it to her.

She let her hair drift over her face as she looked toward the ground. She could do something, oh, pray to the Sun Goddess, she could, but there were consequences. She'd get in trouble for it, and a severe punishment. No one has ever tried to act out against the rich kids.

Until now.

All the anger, frustration, and fury from the past Misri encounters was put into the furious punch to Misri's right arm. A string of curse words came from the little devil as she fell to the sand, crying out in pain. She was broken down in tears, while the 'minions' attended to her and glared at Akadia. Really, Akadia didn't think it would hurt very much, or maybe Misri was being over-dramatic.

After all, she was a professional brat.

Misri clutched her arm in agony, while Akadia stood there awkwardly, still horrified at what she did. She was just so... angry. No one could put up with this. But a little shy girl like her, standing up for herself. Yeah, right. Her aunt would be so surprised, rather than angry. But what would she care?

When one of Misri's friends finally made her let go of her arm to assess the damage, it wasn't what anyone expected. Not even Akadia.

It was burned.

~
My brain is all jumbled from summer fun, so some parts might not make sense, heck, some parts don't even make sense to me :facepalm:
Comments are appreciated :3 But do I have to say this every time? :)
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Re: Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby Akadia » July 19th, 2012, 8:43:20 pm

Yep, here's Chapter Two for ya :3

~Chapter 2~

The image still swam in Akadia's mind a few days later. It was badly burned, almost like she was scorched by a dragon. That couldn't have been any old sunburn.

It must have been her.

Misri told Akadia's grandfather the story while she hung her head in shame. It was a very unbelievable story, although Misri twisted the story just a bit.

Or, well, maybe more.

Akadia's grandfather, Syazair, rubbed his temples. This was not the kind of thing he wanted to deal with today. Especially not today.

"Look, girls, just apologize and get out of my sight, I have better things to do..." he mumbled and shooed them out. Akadia took one look at her grandfather before exiting. He was worrying about something, somethign important. Her curiousity got the better of her, and she waited until the other girls and no one else was around Syazair's tent. She went around back and pressed her ear against the side of the tent.

But, as they say, curiosity killed the Magi.

For her, it was a punishment. Her aunt made her stay in their tent for the rest of the day. Akadia flopped onto their hammock and stared at the tent "roof". Her mind drifted over the past few day's events. Apparently, she had disobeyed her tutor, actually talked to him, and punched the most undeserving brat in the village.

And got caught spying.

But the burn. Surely it was a horrible sunburn? A dragon encounter? Or... magic? Akadia pushed those ridiculous thoughts out of her head. If the Sun Goddess wanted her to be blessed with the gift of magic, she would have marked Akadia. She tentatively raised her hand to feel her forehead.

Nothing.

Only three people have ever been marked; according to her aunt, only the purest of heart are blessed.
Her mother, and the other two were people who lived here long before Akadia was born. Well, who was she to think she would be blessed?

Would punching someone and somehow burning them be called "pureness of heart"?

Akadia frowned and shifted in the hammock. Her thoughts unsettled her greatly; a nap would be helpful. Her mind was going to explode.

But what happened that day?

It was all wrong. All wrong. Nothing was right. Akadia got off the hammock and peeked outside. Her aunt was discussing something furiously with her grandfather, like she did occasionally. It looked like they were really battering each other. Soon enough, Syazair shooed his daughter off and Akadia quickly went back onto the hammock and pretended she was sleeping. Her aunt came back and sat on the stool next to her.

"Oh my... I'm so sorry, my dear. I'm sorry." Akadia heard her humming to herself while stroking her daughter's forehead. It was a comforting feeling, a feeling she hadn't had in a while.

A long while.

After a few more strokes, her aunt stopped and headed outside, a few muffled sniffles along the way. Something was placed on her stomach and she itched to pick it up and see what it is. Akadia cracked open one of her eyes slowly to see no one there. She lifted herself up to see a neated folded parchment sitting on her chest, like it was meant to be there.

What could possibly be written in it?

As Akadia took a closer look at it, in faded black letters, scrawled on it was, For my darling daughter when ready. Her aunt sometimes called Akadia her daughter, but... was this from her...

... own mother?

Denial swept over her like the storm clouds that rarely wander into the desert outskirts. Her mother had abandoned her, she didn't want Akadia anymore.

And Akadia didn't want her mother.

~

Okay, so that's Chapter Two. Comments/tips are nice >.>
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Re: Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby Akadia » August 6th, 2012, 4:22:06 pm

Chapter Three :) Meh, I should update this more often instead of once a month :|

~Chapter 3~

She wanted to rip the paper into shreds, but at the same time, she had to read it. She must. Akadia slowly unfolded it, her heart racing so fast she thought it would burst. The yellowed paper, the fringed edges, and the calligraphy of her mother's handwriting... It seemed so fragile; one rip, and it would turn to dust. Akadia took a deep breath, and started to read the letter written so long ago.

My dearest daughter,

You must have received this from your aunt when she thought the time was right. But, first things first. I want you to know that I didn't abandon you on purpose. I love you, and I still do, if I'm alive or dead. I did it for... well, a few reasons that will be mentioned later in this letter. But before that, I need you to realize that I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry.

My daughter, now you are probably wondering why I left you. It is... complicated. I guess I shall start with who I am first. As you probably heard before from the stories the other tribe members tell, I was one of the few special ones who were marked; blessed by the Sun Goddess. I was only twenty years of age then. So young, and so innocent then.

I acquired the power of Sun magic, and I was revered by all the other members of the tribe; even the village elder was praising me. A while later, your father and Syazair appeared out of nowhere. They came up to the village, hungry and tired from wandering the desert. Of course, we took them under our wing. After a while, they decided to stay, or well, your father wanted to stay, and made his father stay, too.

I bet you know what happens next; yes, we fell in love. I'll spare you the details though; I'm sure you wouldn't want to know anyway. Syazair did not approve of this; he wanted his son to marry a woman from Synara City. At that point, it had only been a few months. I still didn't know very much about him, but loved him nonetheless. Suddenly, he left for a few weeks. I was heartbroken, and only one question burned in my mind.

Why?


Akadia tore her eyes away from the paper for a few moments. Some of the information she already knew, it was common knowledge. But her father coming out of the blue? She bit her lip and continued reading.

He soon came back, but with strange, black-hooded men following him. Your father had quickly told me that they had some unfinished business to take care of. Back then, I had trusted him.

I was wrong.

The hooded men came once every thirty sunrises, demanding our goods we usually sold at the markets in Voltar. Otherwise, their black magic would have destroyed our village. We learned that the hard way. Month after month, our village was getting poorer and poorer, and soon enough, we only had a handful of gold left for the whole village.

The next month, they came again. But I was the only one there to meet them. The night before, we conjured a plan; I was supposed to defeat them with my magic. I had tried once before, but failed. I had gotten stronger, but I wasn't strong enough to defeat five magis at a time.

The battle was short; I had fallen down to their dark magicks quite quickly. I still blame myself for being weak. The final blow was from all five magis; it came hurtling at me. But I didn't receive it. Your father did.

He died for me, and that I love him for that. Four of the five dark magis ran out of the village, their black cloaks still covering their faces. The last one came up to me and said,

You killed our brother. We will come back, we will... The Dark Brotherhood will seek revenge.

A few months later, I had you. An unexpected gift, so to speak. You had a special aura about you; none that I had sensed before. But, then again, you are a daughter of the marked. I should have known.

A dream came to me the night before, before you were born. A sun, glowing brightly in the sky. It seemed to shine on forever; until the black clouds started to block out the sun's rays. It seemed like a normal dream, a bit random, at the least.

When I woke up, my mark was burning. It wasn't normal. That's when I knew.

My daughter, you are a hybrid, mother of light, and father of dark. I don't know what to do with you; but the Goddess should have answers. I'm running out of time, so I bid you farewell, my darling.

With love,

Roxanne, your mother


~

I didn't want the letter to take up the whole chapter, but I'm all typed out :derp: So, er, enjoy...?
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Re: Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby ellebellie » September 4th, 2012, 7:47:59 pm

Please write more! I enjoyed reading it very much!

I just returned from a very long hiatus
(last time I actually played was in 2012),
so I'm still getting back into the swing of things.
Anybody know how many new creatures I missed?

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Re: Desert Sands~ A Keep Story

Postby KallenTu » September 30th, 2012, 3:11:28 am

It's really good. Can't wait for the next part C:

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