MagiStream

Glossary
Albeit - although, admittedly
Taciturn - Quiet, does not speak much, gruff

Side note: As I am Australian, some of the spelling here may be seen as 'incorrect'. This is false. Only Americans spell their words like color, realize, etc. I am very attentive to spelling errors or typos, so please only correct my spelling if you are not American or (if you are) if you are sure that my spelling is incorrect. This is not to say that criticism is unwelcome, however. Indeed I would be glad if any of you had criticism, so please post messages with praise or criticism, as both encourage me to write more, and faster. If comments aren't posted I'm going to feel as though no one is reading and thus eventually stop, so if you like it, post! xD
~The Strange Weirdo


Chapter 1: A New Beginning

Carrow was weak. He had been trudging along for five days, and was too stubborn to turn back and return to somewhere where he wasn't wanted. He knew the boys didn't like him, but he never imagined his own father... This time, however, tears didn't spring up. He was too parched. Carrow had long since used up his water, foolishly drinking regularly, although admittedly it was quite hot.

His feet felt like they were being burned off, because of the heat of the sand on his feet. The last vestiges of his excess water was being used for sweat, pouring down his body in an attempt to keep it cool. There was nothing around except sand, and he was starting to think that there was nothing else out there, and he was doomed to die here, in the middle of nowhere.

He had used his first waterskin through the first day, and part of the second, but quickly realised that it was much better to walk in the night, when it was cold. As such he was able to hold out longer, and only drank sparingly during the night, or when he woke up with an aching headache during the day.

Carrow noticed that more vegetation was springing up, the days had been getting cooler and the nights getting hotter. So, it came to no surprise when Carrow noticed patches of grass and - If he wasn't having a mirage, as happened so often to him during his five day trek - a stream!

Excitedly, Carrow started sprinting. The distance was well over 100 metres, and Carrow soon started to slow down to a jog after that mark, panting. He collapsed near the edge of the stream and clawed his way over to it, cupping water in his hands and bending his head over his hands to sip the water.

Suddenly, before he had drunk his fill, an egg slapped into the side of his head. Surprised and bewildered, he pulled his head up and watched the egg float on past... Along with half a dozen more. There were eggs all up along the stream, floating down... Down... Down... To a castle... Carrow frowned in confusion, before turning his attention back to the stream.

He noticed, with some surprise, an orange egg with an auburn, furry tail sticking out of it, curled around the lower half. Without even knowing what he was doing, he plucked the egg out of the stream and peered at it.

After Carrow had finished his inspection, he was left to decide what to do now. Well, a castle meant people, and he had no wish to be around people at the moment. Not after what happened with his father. He did, however, need food and water.

The latter was easily taken care of, he realised, as he dunked his two waterskins into the stream and filled them with water. The former, however - that problem was not so easily solved.

For some reason, the matter of what to do with the egg he had plucked from the stream never came to his mind. He unconsciously resolved that he should keep it, and take care of it. Maybe part of his choice was because he unreasonably felt that his mother had abandoned him. His father had also abandoned him, in a way, and it is possible that Carrow felt that no one should be left to float down a stream.

Carrow walked along the stream, noticing various other children, mostly his age or a little younger, were also picking eggs from the stream. He took no notice of them, however, and walked right on through the gates, the guards assuming that he was a student from the egg he carried.

There was a wooden structure that said, "Remy's Inn" on the front. On a spur of the moment, Carrow walked in and sat down at the bar. "Can I have some food, please?" He asked the bartender, who he assumed was Remy.
"Sure, what can I get you, young sir?" Remy asked in reply.
"I-"
"A mug of ale and a serve of steak for this young lad, Remy! On me, of course." A smiling young man, who was only fifteen, sat down next to Carrow. He was tall, 5ft 9inches and was that in-between area that was not quite skinny, but not quite overweight. He was blonde-haired with blue eyes like Carrow, and a strong chin. He already had stubble and hairs on his upper lip.

Carrow frowned, wondering who this person was and why he was buying food for him. "Who are you?"
"Why, I'm Alex!" He beamed. This Alex seemed to be unusually happy. "What a nice little egg you've got there, a kitsune I see," Alex observed. "Might I ask what your name is, as well?"

A kitsune? Was that what his creature's race was? He'd never heard of a kitsune before. Of course, he had heard of fire gryphons, phoenixes and the like. Not just heard of them, he had seen them, flying overhead when he had lived in the Etain Desert. However, never had he seen or heard of a kitsune. "I... I'm Carrow," he answered.

"Carrow! A mighty strong name, I must say, even if it doesn't match your stature, aye?" Alex gave a good-natured nudge in the ribs and a wink, further bewildering Carrow. His food had been served up, however, and Carrow digged in, furiously shoveling food into his mouth. He stopped only to swallow and sip from his mug to help the steak on its way down. The bartender moved down the length of the bar to another customer after Alex paid the fee.

"Mighty hungry, are you? Maybe that's why you're so skinny!" Alex laughed, nudging Carrow in the ribs again. Alex seemed to be quite talkative, Carrow observed.
"Possibly," Carrow said, looking sideways at the older boy. No one had behaved in this way to him before, and his social skills were a little sad.

"So you're a first year, are you? Of course, what am I saying? You only seem to have one egg, and if you were a student you'd be much better fed!"
What was he going on about? First years?
"If you're curious, I'm a third year," Alex stated proudly. Carrow wasn't curious so much as confused. Even if he wasn't, his hunger would've preoccupied him. He finished his steak off and started to slowly sip his mug of ale. The steak was so juicy, he was almost sorry that it was all gone. The ale, on the other hand, was a bit strong, and he wrinkled his face in slight disgust - though didn't stop drinking it. It might offend Alex.

When he had finished the ale, Carrow said, "look... I have to go - Alex."
"Of course you do! You need to be off to the meeting that all first years have with their masters. I was so caught up in meeting a new person, I didn't realise the time! Well, off you go, Carrow!"

Meeting? With his masters? What was Alex on about? Still puzzled, Carrow walked out of Remy's. He put the matter of Alex and his 'meetings' and his 'masters' out of his mind and tried to figure out how to get his provisions.

Then he noticed people with eggs in their hands walking to the castle. There'd be food in there, he knew, stockpiled for its inhabitants. If these first years, as Alex had thought he was, were living in the castle, then he might pass for one. He could steal the food once he knew where it was and escape! That was it! Excitedly, Carrow walked briskly to the castle.

The castle had two towers, one was fairly big, standing at 30ft tall, and the other was a little smaller, about 5ft shorter than the first. It was the first which had the entrance, big black metal gates. The towers were made of stone, and connected by two stone walls which curved outwards, connecting the two towers.

A guard met Carrow at the entrance.
"And who might you be?" He asked ominously. Carrow, uncowed, replied with his name.
"I'm Carrow, son of Garrow, son of Selene."

End of Chapter 1.

Author's Comment: I really enjoyed writing the first chapter. I'm basically winging the whole thing, so my updates might be a little slow, but I'll make sure I update it weekly. The story has really changed while I was writing it and even before I was writing it, the idea slowly germinating in my mind. At first I thought Carrow would be an orphan from Silva or Raza forest, and find a wandering but powerful magi who would take him on as an apprentice and together they'd journey to the Stream to get him an egg. Then I thought the magi could have another apprentice already, a rival for Carrow. Then, I thought what if Carrow already had his egg and that is why the magi decided to take him on. I finally settled on the Etain Desert after a bit of research. As I was writing, I realised Carrow would need food. Then it sort of progressed from there, introducing Alex on a spur of the moment when I noticed that Carrow wouldn't have any money to buy food, yada yada yada. xD Thanks for reading, both my author's comment and the first chapter and... Hope you like it! Please leave a comment, with criticism or praise, depending on how you interpreted my story.
~TheStrangeWeirdo
P.S. Unfortunately, depending on my time schedule and where I can drop off, chapters are likely to be shorter. This one was a whopping 2000 words, so I doubt that they'll be so long. Sorry!

I read this the day it was posted and I've been letting my subconscious work with it for a bit. I think you have an interesting character with a lot of potential. What bogs me down personally is the writing--3/4 of it is all telling, no showing. That makes it a bit boring to read. The story really picks up once Carrow gets to Remy's Inn. I would advise removing everything before that scene, as it's all behind-the-scenes worldbuilding type stuff, and just starting there. Carrow's past can be worked in later, at opportune moments.

Of course, that's just my opinion and if it doesn't work for you, feel free to disregard it. As you noticed in my own story, I like to get into the action quickly. I used to have way more patience for slow buildups; not sure why I don't anymore. Impatient, I guess.

Mhmm. Yes, it seems a bit long, but where do you suggest I cut off? Do you think I should scrap chapter 1 completely and just have it as random flashbacks? Like, I'm planning for Alex to come in and start tutoring some students, because The Keep is short on teachers. Then, when Alex walks in at like, Chapter 4 or something, I can have Carrow flash back to their first meeting?

Or just scrap everything from before the stars?

It is up to you. It's not really the length that bothers me, it's that there's nothing actively happening for most of the chapter. I wouldn't even do flashbacks later on personally, just have him mention it should it come up in the story at some point. I imagine he wouldn't be that keen on remembering it himself, or talking about it, but he's also not my character so that's just conjecture on my part.

If you were to "scrap" chapter one (I wouldn't call it scrapping since it's still all useful stuff, just mostly background), I would start at one of two places: when he first enters Remy's Inn and is mistaken for a student or on his first day of class, having Alex come in and recognize him from the Inn earlier, but having that scene take place "off screen". That could be a good moment to throw in a detail or two about how he got there (not in flashback form, more like commentary).

One of the hardest parts about writing is, in my opinion, deciding what details are important and when.

Nothing may be happening until Carrow walks into Remy's, but that stuff is still important and should be implemented in the first chapter (except the stuff before the stars). Otherwise he's basically just a blank slate, and people will be wondering why he's confused about magi and all that, how he got his Kitsune and why he does before he even knows about magi.

I've edited the first Chapter, I hope that's sufficient.

Carrow may not be keen on remembering how his father said it might be best for him to leave, but I don't think you can stop memories - at least to the best of my knowledge.

Now for the next chapter! Hooray! xD
A bit faster than was on the schedule, but I was getting bored and I had no homework or exams to study for.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: An Interesting Development

Carrow looked around at his room. It was quite drab – merely grey, stone walls and two mattresses- but was he unused to such surroundings. He always slept in a small, makeshift tent, not to mention on the ground. Carrow was astonished at how springy and soft it was. He could spend all day on it, but for now he was content to merely jump up and down. This is what he was doing when his roommate entered. A brown-haired boy with hazel eyes stopped, gaping at Carrow with an extremely confused expression.

“What... Are you doing...?” Carrow immediately stopped jumping on his bed and looked at the boy. He was stick-thin, with his mouth hanging open and a puzzled look on his face.

Embarrassed, Carrow hopped off the bed and looked at the boy properly. He was quite skinny, and had freckles on his face. He wore a colourful red, blue and green robe, which made him look larger than he was. In contrast, Carrow was dressed in a drab grey robe, and looked much less fancy than the brown-haired boy’s.

Scowling, the boy introduced himself as Ander, and Carrow replied with his own name. With a derisive snort, Ander said, “you’re to come with me, the meeting has started and the masters were wondering where you were.”

Ander spun on his heels and stalked off, and after a moment, Carrow followed him.

****

Carrow stared at the lavishly decorated room, so different to his own. He was seated at a mahogany table, which had exotic food on the table, like this tiny white grain in a bowl - there must of been millions of them - except no one was eating, so Carrow decided not to either. There were colourful tapestries depicting great battles, magic being hurled at creatures, or magi defending themselves from magic being hurled at them. All of them were highly detailed.

“Let me introduce your masters, students, for the duration of your education,” Belmos stated. A few students chuckled, in case the pun was intended.

“This is Nathaniel, master of magical defence,” at this, a red-haired man stepped forward. He was a bit plump, but had quite a serious expression. He regarded the students with distaste. “He will be teaching you all how to defend yourselves against different sorts of attacks.”

“Then there is Mestitia, master of all the elements.” A blond-haired young man, grim-faced and serious, though not as insulting as Nathaniel. “He is going to be educating everyone about their element, which every inherently has, as well as attacks they can use.”

“Our resident master healer, Theodore, is going to be teaching those who will become healers, how to heal,” and a smiling black-haired man gave a little wave. He was tall, and a bit larger than Nathaniel.

“The master at arms, Torc, will be teaching everyone how to fight, both with their fists and a weapon of their choosing.” A serious man came through the doors, apparently late. He had short black hair and his body rippled with muscle. He gave Belmos a nod, then regarded the students with obvious distaste, like the magical defense teacher.

“And last, but of course not least, is Shir, who will be teaching advanced and or powerful students, or special cases.” A man with brown, nondescript hair nodded at the students. He radiated power, certainly his most distinguishing feature, because he was of average height and weight, had no freckles, his eyes were brown and his nose was average as well, just like everything else about him.

“Now! All of you, off to class. First is Mestitia, who will be teaching you about the element you will be using most. It will be incorporated into most of your spells, though you are by no means limited to spells only with your chosen element, they will just be weaker,” Belmos smiled at the students, lingering on Carrow. He frowned slightly, and made to open his mouth, but before he could, everyone got up, following Mestitia who had disappeared through the double doors.

They all entered an empty room. All it had was a square window. Mestitia stood at the front of the room, while the others filed in, standing in a horizontal line. He raised a finger and pointed at Carrow’s roommate, Ander. The boy stepped forward a little nervously.

“I will show you an example of each element, then you will close your eyes and I will post them at each corner in the room. What you must do is stand still for one minute, and then walk towards whichever corner you feel most inclined towards.”

Ander nodded confirmation, and Mestitia conjured an orb of water, a block of earth, a blob of swirling mist and a fireball. Ander closed his eyes, and then Mestitia flung each element at one corner. At the front-right, he posted fire, the front-left contained earth, the back-right held the mist, and the back-left was subject to the orb of water. Ander held stock still for a several moments, as no one was counting until the minute was up, then he stepped forward tentatively, before walking more confidently towards fire.

This process was repeated several times by the other students, of which there were five, not including Ander and and Carrow. One gravitated to air, two to earth, one to water and the last to fire, like Ander. Next up, was Carrow.

He stood still in the room for several minutes, before someone shouted, “hurry up with it, you’ve been standing there for an hour!” It was not an hour, but to the students, and Carrow, it felt like one. Even though he agreed with them, Carrow's cheeks still flushed with embarrassment. What was happening? Why wasn’t he gravitating to an element? Was he even capable of magic?

“Hmm. I have an idea. It may not be correct, and it is unlikely, but this has happened before,” Mestitia said. He walked forward, then suddenly clamped his hands down on Carrow’s temples. He closed his eyes and focused. Carrow felt pressure being forced into the sides of his head, and he groaned aloud in pain. It was like slowly having his head crushed by two walls.. Instinctively, he placed up barriers, stopping the pain. He sank to his knees, gasping. Carrow looked up at Mestitia, fear written all over his face, while the master of elements merely stared back impassively. “As I thought - you have no elemental power. Yours lies in the mind,” he tapped his own temple as he said the words. “May I see your egg?”

Carrow fumbled with his bag which he had recently bought, and pulled his kitsune egg out.
“I thought so. A kitsune. They have superior intelligence and magical powers, which lie in the mind. You are fortunate to have one, because they are rarely seen in the stream. I shall have to talk to you about your education, for you cannot be taught by myself. I only know simple mental spells, and cannot teach you about your powers. Come to my office later, Carrow.”

And with that last sentence, Mestitia spun on his heels and walked out of the room, leaving the students gawping in astonishment, and Carrow wondering what he meant by mental powers.

End of Chapter 2
~TheStrangeWeirdo

More please!! Its really good writing and a great story!

Naw, thanks! I'll try and get into the mood today or during the weekend.
I'm glad that people like it.

Sorry for not saying anything sooner, but I've put The Carrow Chronicles on hold until I get some answers to this thread: 25-tea-house/138724-can-t-decide.html?p ... #p14498667