MagiStream

Oh my gosh I love this! I'm bookmarking.

Lightning, get off your lazy posterior anatomy and post CHAPTER THREE~!!!!! :p
Love you! xD
xCrimmy ;)

Chapter Three


The moment we landed, everyone started talking.
"Oh, it's beautiful!"
"I love this place!"
"Can we live here permanently?"
"What do we do now?"

I took a deep breath. "Everyone, please just shut up!"

Surprisingly, they obeyed.

I glanced at the door of Rayven's Keep. It was huge. I stepped towards it, aware of Soldor and Fallon watching me carefully. I placed my palm on the ornately carved door. It seemed to be wooden, but was hard as steel, and warm to the touch. "I am Neera, descendant of Rayven. Rayven's Keep, open for us."

For a few moments, nothing happened. Then, the walls shuddered as the massive door swung inward. I nearly lost my balance, only prevented from falling by Ralron suddenly being there, an arm around my waist. He was watching the Keep, but the moment he glanced at me, he loosened his grip and let me stand on my own. There was a slight coloring in his cheeks, and my own felt warm.

Turning my attention back to my Keep, I coughed as a cloud of dust flew out. "Uh, yeah," I muttered, still coughing. "This place is going to need some cleaning." I strode forward, Ralron and the others belatedly starting after me, and entered the main hall of the Keep. I stood there for a few moments, mouth hanging open in dismay.

Dust ran rampant in thick layers along the floor and any flat surface. Cobwebs hung several feet from the ceilings. But that wasn't what dismayed me. Along the magnificent, mahogany walls were deep slashes from massive talons, such as an ice dragon's. They trailed from the entrance as far as we could see.

"Has anyone even lived here since the Human War?" Lyra questioned, poking a chair experimentally, squeaking as a host of cockroaches fell out and charged away to some other dark place.

"I...don't think so," I muttered, feeling tears well in my eyes. This Keep had once been great-the jealousy of all other magi-and now it was falling apart at the seams. Teralia placed an arm comfortingly around my shoulders. "Don't worry, we'll clean it up."

I nodded, feeling foolish for letting my emotions run away with me. I glanced down at the grey boots I'd worn. They looked a lot more grey now, coated in dust. I let out a disgusted noise. "Let's clean out the entrance hall-we'll sleep here tonight," I said, quietly but firmly. The others nodded, less exuberant at the beauty of the Keep now that they saw the destruction within.

Chapter Four

After what seemed like eternities later, I finally straightened up, wiping sweat and grime from my eyes. Over two full days of working, and we finally had the entrance hall cleared out. The giant gashes in the wood had been healed by magic, and, thanks to my Telvian panther Europa, the entire hall was cockroach-free. I suppressed a sigh. It was nearly Christmas time, and I doubted any of us would even get back to the main Keep for New Year's.

Lyra nudged me. "What's that expression for?"

I shook my head. "I feel bad all of you want to help me so badly. You'll probably miss the Christmas event and the New Year's."

Lyra rolled her dark brown eyes. "Pffft! You think we care? You're our friend; therefore, we're gonna help you." She put a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up at her, then glanced over at everyone else; they were all nodding.

I smiled. "Thanks, everyone. Well...wanna see what the rest of Rayven's Keep holds in store for us?"

Gloria looked stricken. Her eyes shot wide, and she put a hand to her mouth. "Um. Is that a good idea? I mean, I wouldn't want you to feel bad if the rest of the keep is as trashed as the entrance hall is."

Halisa poked her. "Hey! This is Neera's keep. She has every right to see the rest of it, and boss us around while we're in it."

I rolled my eyes heavenward. "Why do I have such odd friends?" I muttered to no one in particular. Fallon came up behind me and put an arm around my shoulder.

"Because we love you," he said, then added in a conspiratorial tone, "You might want to get the kitchen cleaned first and find some cooks. Soldor can't survive much longer on plain rations."

I smothered a giggle, and the outraged look on Soldor's face made me snort. "Well, now I know where to start cleaning!"

I led the way down to the far end of the hall, and stopped outside another pair of massive doors. Ornately carved wood that seemed to be mahogany, with a golden, crystalwing-shaped handle. I took a deep breath and hauled the doors open, edged around to look inside, and took a hesitant step into the cavernous room. The kitchen wasn't nearly as dusty as the entrance hall had been, though the cobwebs dangled from a twenty-foot, vaulted ceiling nearly all the way to the floor. "Looks like we'll just have to do some spiderweb clean-up," I called back to the others, and they filed in after me.

I trailed a hand along long, granite countertops. My hand came away with only a thin, filmy layer of dust. "Hm. That's sorta suspicious," I muttered to myself.

"What is?" Ralron asked as he walked by me, doing his best to drag spiderwebs from the ceiling.

"Well, there haven't even been groundskeepers here for almost fifteen years, maybe longer because I'm not sure if my parents lived here." I showed him my hand. "But there's so little dust."

Ralron shrugged, then glanced at a point behind my shoulder. His eyes bugged, his mouth dropped, and an odd whoosh escaped him. "What?" I asked, then glanced behind me and froze.

Spider. A spider bigger than I was. I could see the poison dripping from it's fangs, and beady black eyes stared at me hungrily. Long, spindly legs crept closer, and the monstrosity leapt at Ralron. I screamed out a spell, and the beast incinerated mid-air. The others bolted over to us.

"What was that?!" Teralia demanded, green eyes popping out of her head as she stared at the corpse.

"G-giant spider," I said, shivering. I was scared of spiders. Actually, scared might be too calm of a term. I was terrified of them. The exceptions to that rule were my two Keep spiders, Leer and Snarl, because they were like little guard dogs and protected me.

I shivered like I had a cold, and tried valiantly not to cry. Ralron hugged me. "Hey, thanks for saving my life," he murmured, leaning down to talk next to my ear. I nodded, still shaking.

"Shit," I heard Teralia mutter, and Ralron shoved me away. The others were forming into a circle, with me in the middle.

"What's this..." my question trailed off as I saw what they were so jumpy about. More spiders. If anything, these ones were more vicious, more bloodthirsty than the first. My stomach jumped, and my heart was in my throat.

Thankfully, all the spiders were coming down one wall. I snapped a spell, and the spider nearest to Fallon froze into a giant block of ice. "Nice ice sculpture to have around!" Fallon yelled without turning to me.

I rolled my eyes in a good-natured sort of way, and sent a few more fireballs and ice spells zooming towards spiders when they got too close.

I sighed as the last few were picked off by Soldor and Teralia, and jumped as what felt like two knives were jammed into my side. I took a breath and heard it hiss, twisting around to see what it was.

Another spider. The last one, presumably. It looked like the queen. Bigger than all the rest, with a silvery exoskeleton and a red X across it's back. I opened my mouth to call out another spell, and instead made a choking noise. The fangs of the spider were buried all the way into my side. I could feel them scraping against my ribs, and felt a sickening crack as one of the bones gave away.

I was dizzy. So dizzy. I'll just lay down for a minute, was the last coherent thought I had. I felt my body smack into the hard stone kitchen floor, but it didn't hurt. I heard the screams of my friends, but I felt no worry.

I just let the soft black tide sweep over me, and, with a content sigh, drifted off.

Chapter Five


Ralron caught Neera's shoulders before her head could hit the floor. Fallon blasted the queen spider with intense heat, causing the the huge beast to shrivel. "No!" Lyra cried, bounding her friend's side.

"Damn!" Fallon snapped, punching the wall. "What do we do now?!"

Teralia shook her head, long, white-blonde hair whipping around her face. "We need to find someone to care for her, now!"

Soldor had a panicked look in his eyes. "Ralron, take her to Synara City! They should have healers there!"

Ralron nodded, hauling Neera's slim body into his arms, and running through the entrance hall to where their creatures sat. The companions had heard the ruckus of battle, and were restless and nervous. When Casey saw his master's bloody, battered body, he made an awful noise low in his throat.

Ralron carefully climbed up the dragon's back, setting Neera in front of him, at the base of Casey's neck. He sat behind her, holding her tight. She wasn't going to get hurt worse because of him. "Casey, go to Synara City!" The dragon nodded his huge head, and leapt into the air, giant wings churning, and Ralron's phoenix, Sear, followed them, the flames from her wings lighting up the sky.

Ralron felt Neera's body grow colder, her heartbeat slower. "Neera, don't you dare die on me," he murmured close to her ear. He felt a tear run down his cheek.

I can't lose you.

Chapter Six


Casey landed at the edge of Synara City. As fully grown black ice dragons in distress are not commonly seen, this caused a ruckus. Many people surrounded the great dragon and Sear, and Ralron slid down Casey's shoulder with Neera held carefully in his arms. "Someone, please find us a healer!" he called, his deep voice carrying through the crowd. Several people set off at once.

An elderly man knelt near Neera. "What in the name of Thane did this?" he asked, gesturing to her bloody, ruined side. Ralron wiped his eyes. "We were at Rayven's Keep, and we were cleaning the kitchens. There were some giant spiders, and the queen one attacked her." To his shame, he felt a tear tracing it's course down his face again. He shook his head angrily.

The elderly man stared up at Ralron, fear in his eyes. "Why were you at that cursed place?! You can't go there unless you have an heir with you!"

Ralron's scattered mind was confused. "But Neera is an heir."

The man's old grey eyes held a measure of shock. "I never thought I'd meet one of Rayven's line," he murmured, staring down at the young girl with new eyes. Eyes that held awe...and fear.

Two girls shoved their way through the crowd, carrying a basket of supplies between them. The old man scrambled out of the way as the girls plopped down in his place, and lifted the edge of Neera's shirt to peer at the wound. Ralron felt a bit of anger as he saw the rough way they cleaned the wound, and flinched as they popped her broken ribs back into place.

"She's a magi, right?" asked the younger looking girl, with long, honey-blonde hair and an innocent face. Ralron nodded. "Then she'd want to be at her own Keep," muttered the somewhat older girl, with short black hair and a rougher, more down-to-earth look. Ralron shrugged. "Yeah, but none of us there are really good with the whole healing thing."

The older girl stood up and brushed off her hands. "I'm Anveena," she said and motioned to the younger girl, "and this is my sister, Ayaleth. We really have no home in Synara City, so we'd be glad to come with you back to the Keep."

Ralron let loose a sigh of relief. "Thank you," he murmured, and looked down at Neera. She didn't seem in much pain anymore-her face was more relaxed and at ease. The bandage wrapped around her side was already sained with blood, but it seemed to be slowing. Her bones were back in place. It really looked like she'd recover.

"Thank you."

The story is so good so far Can't wait to see what happens next!

I like this story so far, but to be honest I very nearly stopped reading at the very beginning when the narrator was describing herself and Rayven. First of all, Rayven's story seems like it has the potential to be moving and heartbreaking, but the way you told it simply trivialized it and also made her seem awfully one-dimensional. She was beautiful and the most powerful magi ever and she died for love and her power means her descendants are powerful too. Great, but it's really hard to relate to or sympathize with her at all, especially since you didn't describe her love, only stated that it was strong and that the man was handsome. And if Rayven's line is so amazing as to inspire awe in people, why doesn't anyone know that Neera is descended from her? Why hasn't Rayven's Keep been handed down their line? What makes Neera so special that it's given to her so early instead of at the age everyone else gets theirs? Who decided that she got it at 15, if it was hers by birthright already?

Also, the thing that intrigues me about Neera being descended from Rayven is that surely there is something that isn't all that great about being descended from her, right? It's what makes a story interesting. But it really seems to me as if everything is just awesome for Neera. She is super powerful and gets an amazing Keep all due to her lineage. Yay, but if there isn't a drawback there isn't a story. I suppose you stated that the catch is that love can kill people descended from Rayven, but that's hardly something unique to her. People have been dying for love everywhere for ages and ages. It's why love and tragedy often go hand in hand, and why that's such a universal theme.

Overall, I think you have a good story so far, and I love some of Neera's friends' personalities. But I think those are some things you could possibly think about when writing future chapters.