MagiStream

I don't know if this is the right place for this so if it's not mods please contact me and I'll move it somewhere else.

So here's the thing, lately, I have served contact with my overly religious family that are also quite toxic and my grandparents are somewhat abusive, I'm also trying to avoid my father (that I will refer to by his name Jacek from this point on) who's very abusive (both physically and emotionally). Now before I continue, I'd like to point out I am in no way in any danger, I moved out with my mum and the only contact I have with my father is via my mum, he sometimes visits (without permission may I add) and I just lock myself in my room. I don't have any contact with his part of the family, I have blocked them on all my social media and blocked their phone numbers (same goes for Jacek). They're the typical hardcore religious assholes who absolutely hate anyone who isn't cis or hetero.
So, I'm trans (genderfluid), queer and polyamorous, and I want to come out to them. Mainly two reasons: Jacek has seen my pride merch and my necklace with my name and keeps bothering me about it so I want to tell him just so he can piss off, and spite. My 'family' is already fairly disappointed in me, they also believe every word Jacek says and took their side when he was beating and treating me, my grandparents are also very abusive (pretty much treated me like dirt and insulted me behind my back because I'm not religious), so as you can see we don't really have a good relationship, especially with my grandmother that I publically ridiculed after she insulted me multiple times in front of her family. So I said, why not go all the way and give them one more reason to dislike me and make them feel ashamed? I don't have contact with them anyway so they can't do anything to bother me. Furthermore, my oh so lovely grandma has cancer and is dying and I'd like to piss her off one more time before she kicks the bucket.
So I know my reasons aren't the greatest but I don't want to live a life, eventually, I plan on coming out to all my family and since I'm cutting contact with them I might as well do it now. My mum already knows and her part of the family is very accepting so they can't out me either. My only problem is, I can't think of a way to do it. I'll probably have to text my family because they live far away, but it's Jacek that I have the most trouble with. Should I tell him to his face or texts him? Any advice?

If you do it face to face with Jacek, make sure you have a friend or someone else that you trust near by in case it goes badly and you need comfort or something. And if possible do it in a public setting. He is less likely to do anything too bad if there are other people around. I don't have any more advice but if you need someone to chat, you can try talking to me. I'm trans, panromantic and polyamorous and also don't have a great father so I might be able to understand. I hope this helped at least a little. Good luck to you and stay safe

Yeah, I've been thinking about it, though I don't know about meeting him in public, I find it kind of awkward and would feel much safer in my house. And yes I'm planning to have mum close by if something happens, if it's going to happen face to face then talking in public would be my best option.
I was also thinking of passing off information through my mum since I don't really have contact with him and have his phone number blocked, though I think I'd be too worried about her and would rather do it myself.
I might also do it when he's visiting next time, if he starts shit I can just kick him out and if he doesn't leave I can call the police on him.
I think the safest option for me would be texting him, that way he has no way of hurting me physically and since I have him blocked he won't be able to respond.
Anyway, thanks for the advice and the offer, I'll add you as a friend if that's fine so I can message you if I ever need to. Again, thank you.

Of course it's fine for you to add me as a friend! I'm glad I could help a tiny bit

First off, I'm so sorry that members of your family have failed you so. While the circumstances were/are different, most of my family is comprised of awful, toxic people. So I can relate there.

As for your situation, I strongly suggest not coming out to your father face to face. It would only take mere seconds for him to lash out and attempt to hurt you, even with your mother there. Even a shove could end with you losing balance and hitting your head, etc. It's just not worth the risk, in my opinion. A physical altercation could quickly spiral out of control, with the risk of both you and your mother being hurt. For the safety of both of you, I suggest handling it via text. Plus, you don't need to hear whatever vitriol he'd have to say, as if it's important. If you do decide to tell him face to face, though, I agree with transgerine that it should be done in a public place. I know it'd feel awkward, but I really worry for your safety.

That said, have you considered filing a restraining order against him (if you're in the US, not sure how it works in other countries)? Could be something worth discussing with your mother. You shouldn't have to feel unsafe, uncomfortable or threatened in your own home ever again.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! You've survived so much and that's incredible

Yeah I've been thinking about that too, he has a history of violence and threatens to hurt or kill my mum and me multiple times and although he didn't hit either of us for years the threats never stopped and I'm still afraid of him. Though these days whenever it comes to it I do stand up for myself and even hit him back, he's still stronger and bigger than me, if he really wanted to hurt me I wouldn't stand a chance. So yeah I think the text is the best way for now, though I still need to think about it. He already shamed me in public for my self-harm, suicide attempts and talked loudly about my mental health and therapy so I wouldn't put it past him to out me in front of everyone if we do meet in public.
As for restraining order, unfortunately aside from occasional threats and emotional abuse, there hasn't been any physical attempts to harm us from him for years, and to get a restraining order in my country I'd have to be in risk of murder or something similar. Furthermore, my mum and I are still registered in our old house and she's not divorced, plus she wants to keep the house so I could have it in the future, and with how manipulative he is she doesn't want to divorce him at least yet plus that's expensive. Jacek is a manipulative scum and I could imagine that if she did fill for a divorce and restraining order I'm sure he'd somehow twist it around and we'd be the ones in trouble, seriously he actually went to court for domestic violence and somehow it was my mother who got lectured and the jury ganged up against her, because apparently in Poland it's so much worse to let your child stay home instead of going to school than beating them, abusing and threating to murder them, smh. And aside from the fact, my father is manipulative, lately, I've been very aggressive towards him (probably because of how he raised me), he acts like a massive trigger button to me. So when he so much as provokes me I leash out, even going as far as throwing a glass bottle at him the last vacation. So yeah, he didn't report me but I'd rather not get in trouble because of that asshole. So in shorts, there are lots of reasons why I can't get a restraining order, which is a shame really.
Either way, thanks for the advice.