MagiStream

Alright, I've never done this before (clearly) and if this is in the wrong forum I'm really sorry and feel free to move/delete this. I've decided to finally come out and I'd like some help doing it. I'm demisexual, for those who don't know what that means I'm only sexually attracted to people I have a strong emotional or romantic bond with. I have a very christian family and they're very anti-equal rights so I don't know how or even if I should do this, so I figured I could come here for help seeing as none of you know me in real life and therefore cant hurt me. Any help would be so appreciated, thank you for your time.

It may be hard for them to accept or even understand, as from what I know demisexual is a relatively new term

This is a post on coming out as asexual, but I think a lot of the tips can be useful for you as well

http://queenieofaces.tumblr.com/post/27 ... ie-edition

If you need any more help or support don't hesitate to PM me

I'm Wiccan in a very religious family, so while our experiences aren't exactly the same, I know what it's like to 'come out of the closet'. In Wicca, it's sometimes called 'coming out of the broom closet', which I find particularly amusing. Without knowing much about your family situation, I will say that some people in your life will have some experience already in the situation, and some won't. Coming out of the closet is a very personal choice, and it should be treated with thought. I've been out for over a year to some members of my family, and I'm still deciding to tell others, and I know that there are some in my family that I will never choose to tell. For me, approaching everything individually is how I dealt with it.

You will also have to teach your family members about what being demisexual means to you, and many of them will have things about it that they don't understand, and misconceptions that you will have to correct. When most people think of Wicca, or witches, they think of what's on TV or what their pastor has said about what witches are. Many of this doesn't hold any truth to what I am, and how I describe myself to be. I cannot be a Satanist if I don't believe in Christian cosmology, or even a Heaven and a Hell etc.

I think you will find that some of this will be the same for you. People may react certain ways because of their own unfamiliarity with the topic; so if you want to come out, prepare for these questions. Whichever way you decide, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to about it. I know what it's like to be different, and to feel different, but you're not alone either.

Learn something new every day. I never knew what demisexual meant(I'm pan myself).

As for your particular problem it also really depends on how old you are and your financial situation. If you are still dependent these others for your housing. food etc. it might not be a smart thing to come out of the closet if you fear rejection.
Obviously it hurts hiding such an important part of what makes you, you but it'd hurt even more if you suddenly find yourself all lone. I'm not trying to scare you and who knows, they might even fully accept you, but I think you need to keep all scenarios in your head open as possibilities.

I'm from a very strict religious background and did get kicked out of the family. It took me years to finally come to where I am now and to this day I'm still moving away from what keeps me closeted.
In some cases it's not simply coming out and that's that but I really do not know enough of your personal situation so it might be much less dangerous for you.

Whatever you choose, best of luck to you.

I'm completely ignorant about this kind of subject, so I'm going to ask a few questions for my own enlightenment.

To me, it seems that an emotional and romantic bond should come along with/ before sexual attraction. Then again, I'm asexual, so I pretty much only have emotional bonds.

I come from a very right wing, fundamentalist Christian family, but my asexuality was never a problem. I simply never dated, never showed interest in any romance, and it was acceptable, because I was being chaste. I didn't even have a word for it until I was well into my 20s.

I guess what I'm wondering is this: What is it about being demisexual that needs to 'come out'?

TNHawke wrote:I'm completely ignorant about this kind of subject, so I'm going to ask a few questions for my own enlightenment.

To me, it seems that an emotional and romantic bond should come along with/ before sexual attraction. Then again, I'm asexual, so I pretty much only have emotional bonds.

I come from a very right wing, fundamentalist Christian family, but my asexuality was never a problem. I simply never dated, never showed interest in any romance, and it was acceptable, because I was being chaste. I didn't even have a word for it until I was well into my 20s.

I guess what I'm wondering is this: What is it about being demisexual that needs to 'come out'?

I suppose I should specify, I'm the sort of demisexual who has no preference for gender. So that makes me demisexual panromantic I think...

Thank you to everyone who responded, I'm going to come out to my friends first to see how they react. Also, BradTheMad, I love your avatar!

Are you currently attracted to someone in particular?
Considering approaching them about possibly taking things to the next step?
Would your family disapprove of that pairing?

If not, then do you really need to 'come out' at this time? Or would you just be creating stress and drama needlessly?

As an example:
I had a male, straight friend who was in a relationship with a woman. He discovered she was bi when she caught him looking at another woman in a public setting. She asked, "Whatcha lookin at?" He sheepishly admitted his gawking. She looked and agreed, "Wow, she IS hot!"
Her bisexuality never really came up in their relationship aside from that.

So you see, you can be some flavor of queer, and it not be an issue.

That said, I also believe that everyone should be comfortable in their own skin. I believe that we each need to be all of who we are and not keep secrets or hide behind masks- a different face for every situation. That doesn't mean you need to be all "I am ____, hear me ROAR!" all the time.

Like me, I'm a Dominant woman. My relationship has a very distinct Dominance/submission aspect to it - generally behind closed doors. I encourage my boyfriend/ submissive to behave as a gentleman when we are in public- things such as getting doors for me, going and getting a cart if I didn't think we needed one at the store, and then changed my mind, go over to that aisle and grab an item, etc. Around the house, he does a lot of the cleaning. Most people really wouldn't guess much about this aspect about us, because we keep it low key. But, if someone were to ask, we would not hide it.
Now, when we go to BDSM functions, it's a whole 'nother ballgame. He has a collar and leash that he wears, and I get to engage in some of my more sadistic fetishes with others of a masochistic nature (my guy is submissive, not much a masochist). In THAT setting, I get to let my Dominant, sadistic side run wild.
But at the same time, even at those functions, I have gotten into religious and spiritual discussions. I don't hide that I am also a "Christian" in that setting. But, I would never expect my guy to wear his collar and leash to church. That's just asking for extra drama that is unnecessary. I don't require him wear his collar to work for the same reason, although I have told him that if HE is comfortable doing so, he may. He doesn't work in a job where doing such a thing could get him fired.

Honestly, if you have any feeling that it might not be safe for you, I wouldn't do it. It's definitely your choice, though. The best thing to do would just be to be as calm and informative as you can, and maybe make sure that you have a steady support beforehand in case something happens or you need someone to talk to/somewhere to go. I hope everything goes alright. Good luck!

For anyone confused about their romantic/sexual orientations, here is a chart that helped me figure it out for myself.



My advice for you Tilikum is that, it might be okay for you to come out and tell your friends. But when coming out to your family, if it's the case where your family might negatively react to you, I would suggest that you might want to keep the truth away from them.

I myself am a demiromantic, but I keep that truth away from my family. Not because I think they act irrationally, but I'm waiting for the right time to say it. My family (within the first degree) are heterosexuals/hetero-romantics and they are not totally against the idea of other-gender relationships, but they really aren't for it either.

A person that I know got married to her girlfriend last month. Her girlfriend’s parents weren't there because their religion disapproves of her sexuality. It infuriated me how there are absolutely loads of people in the same position - where coming out can actually be dangerous.

However, that is just my advice. You do what you think is best. Be rational, unless you think they won't attack at all.