Had to say something here.sparkpaw wrote:First off- I love this thread.
Second- I haven't read anything but the first post- and snippits of a few.
But I'm in the same position- never kissed, nor even hugged a guy in any situation that was more than "friend" and even then- very rare. I'm also 20 and overweight.... I often have self doubt problems, wondering what's wrong with me, do I scare them away, am I ugly, etc. I look at other females and wish I could dress as well as them or land the guy they have, etc. But oh well- however, I've slowly come to learn something...
I am who I am- and even if I do have some personality flaws I'd like to work out, I'm in general going to be and stay me- and realizing this has helped me to just say whatever and talk to guys I work with like normal co-workers. I don't act interested in them in any way- because honestly I just want to build friendships with them first.
So don't worry dear- you are obviously not in the same boat.
I'm happily in a relationship with a guy I've known for 11 years through the internet. We met in person for the first time 8 months ago and have been inseperable ever since. I'm 29.
When I first met DC, I lied to him about my size, because I was 18 and embarrassed about the fact that I weighed 115 kilos (253 lb). In the last decade my weight has fluctuated between that and 56 kg (123 lb), and I've been in and out of relationships at all my various sizes. I actually had a guy cheat on me once because I went from 90ish kg to 70ish over the couple of months we were together, and I wasn't curvy enough for him anymore. The various size changes came with personality... erm.. evolutions? that weren't always good but weren't always bad either and were almost always rooted in attempts to "fit in" and be what other people expected.
Now, I'm comfortable at 80kg (176 lb) with a personality that is all me and not at all trying to impress anyone, and I've never been happier. I flew halfway around the world in this body, with this personality and mindset, and found the most amazing partner for me I have ever met, and everything has been amazing ever since.
My point is, if you want to lose weight, do it for yourself and your own reasons, not because the magazines tell you to. If you want to change aspects of your personality, do so because you are the one who is unhappy with those aspects, not because you think other people are. You would be amazed how much about you other people like or even love without you ever knowing about it.
What I did sounds silly, but it worked for me. I wrote a letter to myself, telling me all the things I liked about me. It was short at first, but as I was writing I found more and more that I had never thought of before, and before I knew it I had 4 pages of compliments I felt I deserved. Of course, I never showed the letter to anyone else, but I still read it occasionally when I'm feeling low and it reminds me why I deserve to be happy. After I wrote it, I noticed that all those things I had written down started to show through more and more, and the things I didn't like started to happen less and less. Fake friends vanished, new friends who I get on with much more showed up, old friends I had all but lost contact with suddenly wanted to spend more time with me, and I got closer to the people who truly matter to me. I'm not perfect, I still have the odd bad day, but now it's once every couple of months, for a few hours at most, instead of days or weeks at a time. The biggest change is how much happier I am. I can walk through town with my head up now, instead of ducking my eyes or staring at my shoes everytime someone walks past. I don't feel like everyone is staring at me or judging me anymore.
I sounds clichèd, but there's a reason for sayings becoming clichès; You need to love who you are before you can expect anyone else to. And you need to do it for you, or it won't stick.
