MagiStream

I personally am kinda in a gender identity crisis as of now. I has recently came to accept myself as "androgynous" and thought that was that. but I still feel as if I haven't correctly discovered myself. I am a girl. but I don't always act like a girl. I play video games, I'm a total nerd. I get along better with boys than girls. I hate fashion. but yet I like who I physically am. a girl. I would just like some help from people who know a lot about this. or site that could help me a lot. you can reply to me either on here or a message. either is fine. I would just like some help. thanks!

The human mind naturally wants to sort things. Many things cannot be sorted. As a result, we think that girls like barbies and boys like trucks. We also think that people who are very sad have "Major Depression" and people who are sometimes sad and sometimes manic have "Bipolar Disorder". However, the human brain is as analog as anything, it cannot be quantified in any way. People spend entirely too much time trying to classify themselves into categories that other people thought up. The fact is, no two people share the exact same response to anything, whether it be people of the opposite sex or barbie dolls.

Trying to figure out if you fit into one of the prescribed "sexual orientations" is like trying to figure out if a leaf is big or small. The answer is always that it's much more complicated than that.

I used to identify myself as bisexual, but over the summer I realized I'm not. I'm pan-romantic asexual.
CauldronDreameR, I have the same thing. I identify as female and like being that way, but most of my friends are guys and I get along better with guys (and my two best friends are girls, but one's bi and the other's lesbian), so I don't know how that worked out. heh. But then, even though I hate shoes and lots of clothes, I like mine and I don't think I'd want to dress more... masculine. But then, I just wear jeans, a shirt, and a hoodie anyways. Maybe several times a year a skirt, maybe.

yes that's exactly how I feel heylola. and I know that gender identities don't perfectly describe someone, but I would just personally like to know, I guess sort of as a comfort thing. I've looked into different identities, but I can't find too much good information about this.

CauldronDreameR: Yeah in this case Tristan is so right on target with the "The answer is always more complicated then that." It is indeed always more complicated then that. After all you just described me in your first post. I am a nerd. I'm more into video games then any six other people I know you could name except for the top six or seven. My best friend for most of my life was a boy. The present one is female but so butch she has been accused of being a lesbian, I lived with her for more then six moons of time at a time and she is not though people who know her parents swear she is? Um how does that have anything to do with it when I say she's not and she finds it mean and vaguely insulting that other people swear she is lesbian with someone she lists on facebook as her SISTER. I do too. After all she works harder then any six men, so she is a Lesbian? Um no weirdos that is not how gender identity works as far as I know? Guessing on orientation based on strength and physical capability and who you hang out with? So very not nifty :/ I am also with TX in that I despise pinkness in almost all its forms.
No gender identities don't define one and I think that you have sexuality/sexual preference and gender identity mixed up some. You could see yourself as male and that would be your gender identity and still be homosexual in your leanings and preferences. So I'd say that while they overlap many times they don't correspond in all people and shouldn't be given the same definitions and titles.
By the way just because I prefer pants and blue jeans and don't wear a lot of skirts doesn't mean I don't like boys. I am ever so fond of the of age ones ;)

Tristan wrote: Trying to figure out if you fit into one of the prescribed "sexual orientations" is like trying to figure out if a leaf is big or small. The answer is always that it's much more complicated than that.

I wholeheartedly agree. It's practically useless to try to label things, because anyone who does will just end up confused.
A vegetarian who eats meat one time because they are hungry and don't want it to go to waste isn't suddenly not a vegetarian anymore. Gender can't be classified any more simply than that.

I don't really have any experience with any kind of romantic relationship. But that doesn't mean I don't get comments on who I am in those terms. I'm pretty sure I'm not lesbian (not that I would kill myself if I was, it would just be part of who I am, like my deformed toes) but because I have no relationships, and no crushes, and really don't pay attention to anyone that way, my peers need to invent stuff about me (crushes on people I'm just friends with ect) Lately, people have been saying that I could be transgender, because I wear regular pants, not skinny jeans (come on, people! Really?) and making jokes about my not being able to have a date. Truthfully, they can't just make up their minds- either I'm some dateless geek with glasses who walks to school in the rain, and needs to dry he shoes near the fan because they are full of holes, or I'm some kind of w**** who has ten boyfriends. The second one is an utter lie. Truthfully, some day's i feel like nobody will ever love me because I'm ugly, smart, and wear sensible pants. So, yeah, besides the fact that the people in the locker room constantly remind me that I have the most unfashionable non-neon colored um...upper underwear ever to ever hit the planet (i guess that means I'm female, the underwear, I mean) I feel like I'm just nothing-gender. Not transgender, not female, not male, just nothing, like there was some mistake before I was born, and i was supposed to be born neither male or female, just nothing.

I know many people from my school who are gay. They all act the same as any other person would; going to school, doing their homework, hanging out with friends. The only difference that is just so slight, are their "crushes". I don't get why and how people find it amusing to make fun of people who have a different way of liking others. Honestly, I mean, come on. I always find one aspect that makes me think positively about gay men and women: if they get married, they could adopt a kid. Now adopting would be so good for all the orphans out there. I even read that having gay parents can help a kid growing up. Love is love. It does not always have to be man and woman.

TOrideleKeto wrote:I feel like I'm just nothing-gender. Not transgender, not female, not male, just nothing, like there was some mistake before I was born, and I was supposed to be born neither male or female, just nothing.

I have never experienced any bullying for it (my school is a bit special), but sometimes I feel the same way even though I have a boyfriend and we have a healthy relationship. This feeling worries me: I love my boyfriend and he is, without a doubt, my best friend, but sometimes I wonder if I have too much of a familial or friendly love rather than a romantic love towards him. If I'm already in a low mood, I can sink into a somewhat severe depression merely by worrying that someday it really won't be the right kind of love and that I'll let him down, silly as that may be.

TOrideleKeto wrote:Lately, people have been saying that I could be transgender, because I wear regular pants, not skinny jeans (come on, people! Really?) and making jokes about my not being able to have a date... Truthfully, some day's I feel like nobody will ever love me because I'm ugly, smart, and wear sensible pants.

That's just weird; personally, I haven't worn any sort of jeans for years because they always end up being too tight, usually at the thigh. As for not being able to have a date, from what you've said, I can't really imagine anyone from your peer group that would be healthy for you to be in any sort of intimate relationship with.

My boyfriend and I have an ideal nerd love story: we met at a Saturday math contest that required teams of three. I get along fine with the other kids in my grade level's accelerated math group, but I didn't really consider most of them to be people that I wanted to work with in a team, so my teacher suggested joining a group that had two guys who were a year older. One of them couldn't make it because he had made it to a second round of a different math contest, and so, it was just me and William in the contest; we had a fun time and towards the end of that school year, he started inviting me to hang out with him.

Try not to let your peers make you feel as though a lack of dating means no one loves you; this might not count for much, especially when a depressed mood hits, but just from reading your post, I can't help but love you, at least as someone that I can relate to.

dawnmist wrote:I always find one aspect that makes me think positively about gay men and women...

Honestly, I can't understand how sexual orientation can be justification for bullying. I must admit, I tend to stereotype homosexual individuals as easier to get along with as heterosexual individuals; there is only one particular boy that comes to mind for my mental image of homosexuality and he has such a beautiful personality that I truly cannot think of any reason, sexuality or otherwise, for anyone to tease him in a malevolent way.

TOrideleKeto wrote:I don't really have any experience with any kind of romantic relationship. But that doesn't mean I don't get comments on who I am in those terms. I'm pretty sure I'm not lesbian (not that I would kill myself if I was, it would just be part of who I am, like my deformed toes) but because I have no relationships, and no crushes, and really don't pay attention to anyone that way, my peers need to invent stuff about me (crushes on people I'm just friends with ect) Lately, people have been saying that I could be transgender, because I wear regular pants, not skinny jeans (come on, people! Really?) and making jokes about my not being able to have a date. Truthfully, they can't just make up their minds- either I'm some dateless geek with glasses who walks to school in the rain, and needs to dry he shoes near the fan because they are full of holes, or I'm some kind of w**** who has ten boyfriends. The second one is an utter lie. Truthfully, some day's i feel like nobody will ever love me because I'm ugly, smart, and wear sensible pants. So, yeah, besides the fact that the people in the locker room constantly remind me that I have the most unfashionable non-neon colored um...upper underwear ever to ever hit the planet (i guess that means I'm female, the underwear, I mean) I feel like I'm just nothing-gender. Not transgender, not female, not male, just nothing, like there was some mistake before I was born, and i was supposed to be born neither male or female, just nothing.

Skinny jeans are dumb. Not because they're skin-tight, just because I don't see how they became a thing.
Anyway, trust me, you won't be surrounded by those people forever. I have loads of friends in their 20s who don't date and haven't ever dated and just don't care at all about it, and no one judges them, least of all me (i don't date either). A lot of us have been there, with the whole "people think I have a crush on a boy just because he's my friend" thing. People make things up about each other all the bloody time. Heck, my mother used to think my sister and I were going out with guys we were friends with. Now she asks me what kind of girls I like, like I have a type or something (but at least she doesn't care that I like girls). There will always be the occasional person who assumes things, but most of it ends at some point.
Actually, I went to a conference recently and shared a room with this one girl who kept asking me if I thought any guys there were cute. I said "I don't know." When she phrased it differently, asking which member of our organization I thought was cutest, I seriously wanted to answer truthfully, but since she didn't know that I like girls, I just said "I don't know" again. It wasn't until I got really sick while we were in our hotel room and she asked me if I was pregnant, and I said no, and she said "are you sure?", that I told her I was gay. She was like "wait...you're a lesbian? Wow, i've never met one before." and she asked me a bunch of questions. It was pretty funny.