Matchmaking Friends...?

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Matchmaking Friends...?

Postby SeaCrest » May 15th, 2012, 10:08:24 pm

I was curious to see if anybody else has had issues with friends trying to push them together with somebody else to satisfy their own 'aww' tendencies. If so, how did you deal with it?

For me, I met my current set of friends around three years ago, when I was in seventh grade. My second girl friend in this new school shall be dubbed 'Rachel' for explanation purposes. The first, Cat, has since dropped out of my life. Anyway, so I don't confuse people or myself;

So we were at the parent-teacher night that schools here always have at the beginning of the school year. Tyler's mom and my mom were sitting near each other, and when the teacher was done talking, Tyler's mom suddenly went 'Are you Marie?!' to mine. And in turn my mom went 'Laura?!' So me and Tyler - we haven't really talked much yet, after all, it's only a week or so into the school year - look at each other and then my mom and Laura tell us how we were in the hospital baby group together and how we went to each other's first birthday parties, before I moved away.

So over the course of the year, we become pretty good friends, not because of the whole I-knew-you-in-diapers thing, but because we actually get on pretty well. In eighth grade, he ends up sitting with me in English, history, and geometry. Technically, English and history were combined into one class, but anyway; Rachel keeps making comments about how she thinks Tyler likes me or I like Tyler. One day in English/history, a classmate I will call 'Cory' asked 'Jade, are you and Tyler an item?' We say no, there's an awkward silence...Every day in geometry, Rachel keeps poking fun at us, tying our shoelaces together, or our backpacks...once she even dared Tyler to ask me out, which he didn't, thankfully.

So now we're in tenth grade and we're good friends - I'd call him my best guy friend. She's let off the pressure a little, since I get mad when she pushes us together - I don't want to lose him as a friend. That and I don't like him that way (or at least, I don't think I do - she insists that I do) and he doesn't like me that way (or at least, I don't think so - she insists that he does). What do I do when she DOES start doing it again? I'd rather handle it tactfully rather than saying 'it's none of your business now go and boil your head,' but she won't seem to get the hint. I'd also like to hear other people's stories about dealing with matchmakers. I can't be the only one, right?

@Mods - if you feel this doesn't belong here/should belong in another thread, I'm very sorry! Let me know and I'll lock it/repost in another thread.
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Re: Matchmaking Friends...?

Postby TxCat » May 15th, 2012, 10:49:02 pm

I end up with this type of thing from the other side of things.

My mother-in-law didn't approve of my husband taking me as his wife. Even though we've been married for twelve years and together for fifteen years now, she keeps throwing former female classmates and acquaintances at him. They're inevitably what she wanted him to marry: Catholic, from upper class families, good looking, blond, and in high dollar careers. She does this even when I'm right there in the room.

My husband is oblivious even though our girlfriend and my boyfriend have both pointed the behavior out to him. He insists that his mother is 'just catching up'. If that's the case, then why does she always mention that so-and-so is single and would love to see him (without me around; she's suggested he come down to Orlando several times without me to meet with these women). Why don't any of the family's friends know he's married to me? (Several of the women have been from friends of the family and when I icily informed them that husband's 'little friend' was his wife, they were absolutely shocked).

There's no good way to deal with it from either end other than calling the person out on their behavior and telling them, in your case, that if something other than friendship develops, it will be a choice that you and Tyler make and not a choice anyone else forces the two of you into.

Conversely, because for some reason people don't think my husband would marry me, I'm always getting friends and acquaintances who want to introduce me to other women. It's certainly true that my sexual preference leans that way, but I already have a girlfriend, a boyfriend, and a loving husband. It's almost like they see me and read 'dyke' and then decide that there needs to be a 'femme' to complete the set. These women are almost always the wrong type even for friendship: hyper-girlie, into make-up and gossip, never picked up a book unless it was a best selling romance, always shopping, and anything intellectual or in which they might get a little dirty bores them.

I haven't come up with a good solution for this one except to tell the person politely again that I'm otherwise engaged and that I will choose my own friends and companions. After all, I'm not half of a salt-and-pepper shaker set nor am I a book end!

I don't need something that 'matches'.
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Re: Matchmaking Friends...?

Postby BradTheMad » May 16th, 2012, 3:48:44 am

Oh boy be happy you aren't Jewish because matchmaking is seen as the best thing a person could do; if you make three such happy ending matches you get a golden ticket to paradise. I get introduced to potential partners at least once a week. Problem is that they seek close matches so I end up with fellow handicapped people :sulk: Not that I wouldn't see a potential partner in them but why wouldn't a perfectly healthy person be happy with me? Granted they also share interests and such but still.

A few months ago I actually sat down with my friends and relatives telling them "look why do you always set me up with others who have some sort of handicap? Why do you even think I am looking for a relationship to begin with?"
I am not looking for a relationship, I'd love one but I'm realistic and don't think it would work out at all seeing everything I'm dealing with. Setting me up with another person with issues is just making things more difficult for me; an extra load on my back. That sounds harsh but I feel it is kind of racist like only matching white people with other whites. I might fall in love with another handicapped person but only getting set up with them made me feel like some second hand thing no healthy person would ever want. :wtf:

I still get matched obviously but at least there are healthy women in the mix too. Just cannot escape from matchmaking. I know they mean well and sometimes there is a click but I just feel it isn't fair for me to have a relationship as I really don't think half of them have no idea what they would be getting into.
Within our community it's more of a "good friendship and common goals first, romantic feelings will develop later" deal and though I agree it's a good way to build a lasting relationship there's just no stopping love at first sight for me personally. If there is no initial romantic click I personally find that there will not be any later on. That's just me though as most of my friends are happily married and got set up the same way.

And than there's the good friendships that get ruined by matchmaking. I do not have a lot of female friends inside my community as that's forbidden but I still have two lady friends from the "outside" so to speak. We even call each other bro and sis as that how it feels like; like real family.
Lots of folks tried to "get us closer" in the beginning which is really annoying and embarrassing as well. It makes the friendship feel awkward whilst there shouldn't be a reason to. As a guy it's really bad. You don't want to have a real relationship with a girl you hang out with? Gay. I get so frustrated with that closed-mindedness.

No way I can avoid matchmaking but at least now they are sensible about it and my last date was really nice even though it did not lead to another one.
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