Coming out..

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Cintry
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Re: Coming out..

Post by Cintry »

Tilikum wrote: I have a very christian family and they're very anti-equal rights so I don't know how or even if I should do this, so I figured I could come here for help seeing as none of you know me in real life and therefore cant hurt me. Any help would be so appreciated, thank you for your time.


I'm a Christian. Been one since I was little and very much by the Bible and I don't know how to say this without being insulting to your family.

Your family, no matter what, should love you for who you are and who you choose to be and who you feel that you are. The Christian faith preaches love and appreciation of the fellow human being as is taught in the Bible. If they follow their faith and if they do their best to stick to what is taught, then they too should follow those basic principles. While they may not agree with what you have decided, they should still love you and walk with you as you grow.

My advice? Don't lie and don't hide it because that can create more issues than coming out in the first place. Be honest with them. Let them know your worry about their misunderstanding especially since they are anti-rights. Honesty. Just honesty, honesty, honesty. I don't know your family, and I don't know your familial dynamics though so like what others have said, time it. Be sure that the moment is okay and that the situation is going to be safe for you. I really hope and pray that your family supports you and gathers around you!

Good luck my dear and keep being you :)
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Re: Coming out..

Post by Flufflepuff2004 »

My family is not religious, but I'm still unsure of how to bring up the fact that I am Pansexual. I'm not sure how they'd react. Help!!
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Re: Coming out..

Post by Fright »

Why does your family or anyone need to know about you needing to form a bond prior to sexual attraction, though? What does it have to do with them? Not saying you can't or shouldn't 'come out', just wondering why anyone would feel the need to? Hah, I never even told my family I was gay because it's none of their business, but to me, this seems even more personal than something like that, since I can't see why your family would be involved with or privy to information about your sex life (or lack their of).

EDIT: Seems a few others brought up this point as well, so sorry for being redundant, lmfao. It's up to you in the end but I have to agree that if bringing this up to your family is only going to put you in danger or trouble/drama with them, I wouldn't bother for right now. Just stay safe!

EDIT DOS: @Flufflepuff, ever heard them discuss their opinions on 'the gays'? Might give you something to gauge their reaction on-- though from my experience, families can be completely fine with someone else being queer, but the second their child is, it's a real issue. If you're not sure how they feel about the topic I'd try bringing up gay/pan folks in a roundabout way, a celebrity for instance, to get a feel for how they'd react to the idea. If they aren't bigoted, you can toe the line a bit further until you feel comfortable broaching the subject of your own sexuality to them.
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Re: Coming out..

Post by Catersail »

My recommendation is always that you need to consider your own safety and wellbeing above all else. You don't owe it to your family to tell them, and if it would put you in an unsafe or toxic environment then you don't have to.

I'd recommend bringing up the conversation casually like "there's a girl in my class who said she's ace," so that you can see how they would react to that and feel your way through it. If they're like "weird but alright" then it's probably safe for you to come out whenever you feel comfortable. Maybe watch a film with a gay character and casually bring up that whole not-straight discussion there to see how they feel.

If you're a minor remember that you'll have to live with these people for a few years at least, and if coming out would make that time a living hell, then you're honestly better off not coming out. While your family should love you no matter what, people are really mean and some people are close minded enough to kick out their own kids when they find out their LGBTQ+.

If you feel like your family would make you feel ashamed of who you are or would kick you out, then your best not telling them at all or telling them when you have more control over your life. If they are hateful people then they don't deserve to know that part of you, and it's safer to keep quiet. You're safety and wellbeing is more important than anything else, always remember that.
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Re: Coming out..

Post by Draegi »

I mean no disrespect, but demisexuality, in the sense of only being able to feel sexual attraction towards those you feel close with, is fairly normal in spite of what others say. Honestly, whether you came out to them or not wouldn't really matter. To me, it's like saying you're straight.
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Re: Coming out..

Post by warghost141 »

i dont know mine either
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Re: Coming out..

Post by GrowlingCupcake »

Draegi wrote:I mean no disrespect, but demisexuality, in the sense of only being able to feel sexual attraction towards those you feel close with, is fairly normal in spite of what others say. Honestly, whether you came out to them or not wouldn't really matter. To me, it's like saying you're straight.
Sorry, but it isn't. I am demisexual. I am in my thirties, and the only person I have found romantically and sexually attractive is my partner whom I have known for 15 years.

I do not find celebrities attractive; I flat out do not understand people who wish they could have sex with them. I do not find people I do not know or barely know or even people I have known for years attractive even though others consider them physically or mentally attractive. I have never seen someone and wanted to have sex with them. I have never gone through the teenage phase of wanting to have sex with people. I have never had a crush.

Most people can feel sexual attraction for someone they do not know or barely know. Most people are able to find a celebrity that they are attracted to sexually and/or romantically. That is the norm. They may not engage in sex with someone they do not know well but they certainly can feel it. Just look at things like Tinder, Craigslist, and numerous other sites where people can find someone for casual sex or sexting. They are popular for a reason.

Also consider how many people engage in sex only after a handful of dates, even if it is someone they did not know before. That is not the kind of close bond demisexuals need. Consider how many people date people they do not know. Demisexuals do not tend to do that. We don't date people without that emotional bond.

The defining characteristic of demisexuality is that the emotional bond must be there before there is the potential for romantic and/or sexual attraction. If someone feels that attraction before the bond but does not act on it, they are not demisexual.

Demisexuality is not that common. People's behaviour might look like it but that doesn't make them demisexual.
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Re: Coming out..

Post by TheEmbodimentOfKarma »

You know, I think I’d like to pipe up in this thread.

I’m asexual. I’ve known I don’t experience sexual attraction for over half my life, even before I knew the name for it. Furthermore, I don’t enjoy the concept of sex.
However, I think I need some advice. Recently, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not entirely aromantic, as I thought I was. I’m still asexual, but I find myself, sometimes, wishing for a romantic partner in a non-sexual partnership. Generally, the partner is female, but I’ve yet to feel romantic attraction to anyone in real life; well, not that I’m aware of. Also of note: in my head, my partner always exhibits certain traits, such as intelligence and patience. Is there a term for this?
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Pok
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Re: Coming out..

Post by Pok »

TheEmbodimentOfKarma wrote:Also of note: in my head, my partner always exhibits certain traits, such as intelligence and patience. Is there a term for this?
Since you say you're asexual I'll call it knowing what you're looking for in a partner, which is fairly normal. :derr:

Edit: OP is inactive, so @OP good luck wherever you are.
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Re: Coming out..

Post by Athenaash »

Ah!
I am so proud of you for coming out! I am pansexual and genderfluid, so when I came out no one really knew what if was so no one had any misconceptions of me or my identity!
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