Freezing Feathers

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Castiel
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Freezing Feathers

Post by Castiel »

Long ago, the Phoenix was the dominant creature. Their population was so huge that the earth was completely covered in deserts. Barely anything other than the Phoenix could survive there, and since there was little to hunt, they weren't going to last long either. The Phoenixes knew that they were in trouble and tried to think of something that would save them. Their situation was getting worse by the day. The only thing the Phoenixes could think of doing was shattering their eggs.

Of course, not all of the Phoenixes liked this idea. Wars broke out, and the land was consumed in fire. One tribe of Phoenixes remained peaceful, and their land was the only one with prey left. When the neighboring tribes saw this, they immediately began raiding the land. The peaceful tribe pleaded with them to stop, but they wouldn't listen. When the raid ended, only the old, near death Phoenixes, were sparred.

They started crying for their fallen friends and family. They flew up towards the sky. They higher the went the colder they got. Soon their tears froze, and they died. But something strange happened. Instead of their ashes being black, and warm, they were cold and white. Snow, it was the first time the land had seen it in a long time.

As soon as the snow got close enough to the warm ground it melted. The Phoenixes ran away, the water burning them like fire burns us. Soon eggs, covered in blue fire fell in the lake, instantly freezing it. A few days later Ice Phoenixes rose from the lake. They bred quickly, and when there were enough of them they went off across the world, taking on the fire Phoenixes.

Many died, from both sides, but soon the world cooled and more animals came back. The Phoenixes realized that they influenced the world too easily so they both vowed to stay in certain areas. The Ice Phoenixes went to the Mountains, while the Fire Phoenixes took to the desert.

The ice lake began to melt, creating a stream. All creatures recognized this as a sacred place, and they bred around it, letting their eggs flow down it.

Hows this?
Last edited by Castiel on July 26th, 2009, 11:51:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Kyrieath
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Re: Freezing Feathers

Post by Kyrieath »

I found the story quite interesting though you may want to do a grammar and spelling check at points. Other than that, it has a nice bit of a war myth going on it; very little pinpoint detail but plenty of overview for the more sweeping details. That's a good route to go for a story that seems to span a few ages in a short number of lines like this one seems to. Good luck to you. :)
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Raistlin24
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Re: Freezing Feathers

Post by Raistlin24 »

I think the plot is great, specially the part where the Ice Phoenixes are born.
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gaibs619
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Re: Freezing Feathers

Post by gaibs619 »

Edited by Mod: no eggspam! No off-topic posts!
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Castiel
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Re: Freezing Feathers

Post by Castiel »

thank you. i was in a rush to type it and i didn't really reread it.
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