MagiStream

So, I'm currently writing a story--you can read it as I post new chapters on Quotev, I have the same username on there-- and I was wondering if you guys could give me some pointers on what I can improve. I'll post the Prologue for it below. (Note: It will be somewhat easier to understand if you've at one point read the warrior cats series by Erin Hunter, as this is loosely based off of that)


A dark brown tabby she-cat pads forwards. The snowy ground crunching beneath her paws. Blue eyes dart around, as if waiting for someone to attack. "Relax, Brokensong…" A deep purr sounds in her ear. The female whips around, looking for the voice's owner, only to find nobody. "How... sweet" It taunts her, now coming from the direction she was originally facing. Brokensong turns around again, a low growl rising in her throat. "It's quite cute..." Now that she was paying more attention, she was starting to recognize the voice. "How you pretend to not know who I am~"

The tabby sneers at the voice. "What do you want, Branchflight?!" By now she's shaking with fear. 'Not now! HearthClan, please, not now! I have a kit to take care of' Her outburst only gained her a menacing chuckle. She turns around once more, paws numb from the cold, this time, coming face to face with a scarred, black cat. There was only one word to describe this she-cat... 'Terrifying'. As if reading her thoughts, the green-eyed monster releases a short cackle.

"What do I want? Oh no, honey... I came with a message" She smirks, voice laced with a hidden warning. A smug look danced in her taunting eyes, as if daring Brokensong to try and leave. After all, every cat knew that when the Rotten Cave gives you an omen, death and misfortune is sure to follow.

"Well? I don't have all day! YOU of all cats should know that..." Swallowing her fear, the living cat stands her ground, the wind only growing stronger. A loud maniacal cackle echoes throughout the woods.

"Listen closely, Brokensong, I will only say this once..." She warns, and, without waiting for anything, speaks.

Please let me know what I should do more of, less of, what i can improve on, and so on...
Thank you!